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Attempt at a story.

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Attempt at a story.

Postby lonelytraveler8 » Mon 07.27.2009 12:31 am

I finished chapter 5 in my Genki textbook today and realized just how much I could already do with my current knowledge of the Japanese language. Chapter 6 teaches the -te form of verbs, which I've heard is rather difficult, so I've decided to spend a day or two practicing what I already know before I move onto it.

My first adventure was to write a very short and simple story about a boy named shizuka who goes to the sea in Okinawa where he meets another boy named higashi. I wrote the names using hiragana (I'm not sure what convention is) and have no idea if either of them are normal names used in Japan.

I first spoke the story to myself while on a short walk, so I was forced to use only words I know, which is fine as I wouldn't be comfortable with anything else. However, I am not familiar with all of the Kanji and looked most of it up as I wrote. It's really simple, but I'm quite proud of it. Feedback is welcome, of course.

しずかさんは十二才です。 やさしい子供です。 先週、 しずかさんはお母さんと沖縄に行きました。 海はとても青かったです。 そこで子供に会いますした。 子供の名前はひがしです。 ひがしさんはサーフィンが好きです。 しずかさんはひがしさんとサーフィンをしました。 しずかさんはサーフィンが嫌いでした。 でも、天気は暑かったです。 だから、水は涼しくて気持ちいいです。晩の時しずかさんはお母さんと家に帰りました。 今日しずかさんは公園で新しい友達に会いました。


For a laugh, I used Google Translation:
He is a quiet 20 year old. It is child friendly. Last week, he quietly went to Okinawa with her. The sea is very青KATTA.会IMASU the child was there. East is the name of the child. He likes surfing the east. He's quieter and has a surf east. He did not like the quiet surf. But the weather is hot. So water is a cool Does it feel good. When the evening's silent and went back to her house. He calmly met a new friend today at the park.


What it's supposed to say:

Shizuka is 12 years old. He is a nice kid. Last week, he went to the sea at Okinawa with his mother. The sea was very blue. He met a boy there. The boy's name is Higashi. Higashi likes to surf. Shizuka and Higashi went surfing. Shizuka disliked surfing. However, the weather was hot. Therefore, the water was cool and felt good. Shizuka returned home with his mother that night. Today, Shizuka will meet his new friend at the park.


Edit: Odd that google's translation translates 十二 into 20. I'm surprised it has such issues with numbers.
Last edited by lonelytraveler8 on Wed 07.29.2009 5:56 am, edited 5 times in total.
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Re: Attempt at a story.

Postby CerpinTaxt » Mon 07.27.2009 3:39 am

子供の名前ひがしです

子供の名前ひがしです

やさひい子供です

I think you meant やさしい?

でも、天気は暑かったです。 だから、みずはよかったです。

These sentences sounds a bit odd to me... but not really sure how to correct it. And I don't think よかった works if you want to mean the water felt good.

晩の時

I think 夜(よる) would be better for conveying night time.

And that sentence might be better reworded to その夜しずかさんはお母さんと帰りました。 I excluded 家 because 帰る usually conveys returning home (Someone feel free to correct me if i got this wrong). And also added その to represent "That".

Everything else looked alright to me.
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Re: Attempt at a story.

Postby lonelytraveler8 » Mon 07.27.2009 3:57 am

Yeah, I must have missed the 's' on my keyboard and so し came out as ひ. Thanks for pointing that out. I realize now that 晩 is more of a counter for nights, but it was the only word I knew at the time, so it's what I used. I'll remember 夜 for the future.

The changes to that one sentence make perfect sense to me. I'm still trying to figure out the regular usage of 時. I know it can be used for "when you were a child" or "when you were in high school," which are the examples in Genki's exercises, but I tried to experiment here. その夜 makes more sense to me.
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Re: Attempt at a story.

Postby Yudan Taiteki » Mon 07.27.2009 8:12 am

CerpinTaxt wrote:
でも、天気は暑かったです。 だから、みずはよかったです。

These sentences sounds a bit odd to me... but not really sure how to correct it. And I don't think よかった works if you want to mean the water felt good.


The best way, I think, would be to add "cool" and say だから、水は涼(すず)しくていいです。 (or 気持ち(きもち)いい instead of just いい), which means "Therefore, the water was cool and [felt] good." or "Therefore, it was good that the water was cool."
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Re: Attempt at a story.

Postby lonelytraveler8 » Mon 07.27.2009 12:45 pm

I do admit that I was very unsure of how to phrase that. However, with my current knowledge of grammar and vocabulary, were I asked a question that required such an answer, that's how I would have answered it. However, I'll add both 気持ち and 涼しい to my vocab. Thanks for the help. :D

I realize now that I don't completely understand the grammar behind the suggested change, but I have an idea and will hopefully learn in more detail soon.
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Re: Attempt at a story.

Postby Yudan Taiteki » Mon 07.27.2009 2:06 pm

気持ちいい (or 気持ちがいい) should be learned as a whole phrase meaning "feel good".

The grammar there is XてY; when Y is an adjective, it often means "X results in Y", so in this case 涼しくて気持ちいい means "It was cool, and [so] it felt good".
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Re: Attempt at a story.

Postby lonelytraveler8 » Mon 07.27.2009 3:01 pm

Oh, that's simpler than I thought. Thanks for the explanation.
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