Learn Japanese with JapanesePod101.com

View topic - Informal journal entry

Informal journal entry

Feel free to practice writing in Japanese or romaji. Help each other out with corrections or replying back in Japanese

Informal journal entry

Postby Mr.Paper » Fri 09.18.2009 5:31 pm

Due to my last thread about "descriptive paragraph" some thought I was speaking to someone. There is no listener, only speaker. This is an informal journal entry.

kyou wa hi ga sugokatta shita koto ga aru. gakkou ni itta keredo benkyoushita.
soshite sugu ni gakkou, ore no shukudai de uchi o shita. ore no shukudai o sumaseta to, ani to ore toshokan e itta. ato de sore, nihongo o benkyoushita. hirugohan ni tsuite wa burito o tabeta. burito ga totemo yokatta na!

I had a great day today. I went to school and did work. After school, I did my homework at home. When I finishd my homework, me and my bro went to the library. Later on I studied Japanese. For lunch, I ate some burritos. They were very good.
Mr.Paper
 
Posts: 59
Joined: Wed 07.29.2009 9:46 pm
Location: Illinois
Native language: Spanish
Gender: Male

Re: Informal journal entry

Postby furrykef » Fri 09.18.2009 6:29 pm

Mr.Paper wrote:Due to my last thread about "descriptive paragraph" some thought I was speaking to someone. There is no listener, only speaker.


Nobody said anything about a listener. We said that "ore" wasn't an appropriate choice for the context. It had nothing to do with who's listening.

kyou wa hi ga sugokatta shita koto ga aru.


I don't understand the purpose of "shita" in this sentence, or why you used the "koto ga aru" construction.

You translated this as "I had a great day today". Why not simply "Kyou wa sugokatta"? (If you insist on translating it literally, though, I suggest "Kyou wa sugokatta hi datta." But I have no idea if it's natural or not.)

gakkou ni itta keredo benkyoushita.


Why "itta keredo" instead of just "itte"? You seem to overuse words like "ga" and "kedo" to mean "and". The meaning is usually closer to "but" than to "and".

sugu ni gakkou


This should be "houkago", a special word that specifically means "after school". But the normal way to say "after X" is "X no ato". For example, shigoto no ato = after work. But use "houkago" instead of "gakkou no ato".

ore no shukudai de uchi o shita.


I think this should be, "Boku no shukudai o ie de shita." (You can put "ie de" before "boku no shukudai", too. I'm not sure which order is better.) I think you only use "uchi" when talking to somebody else, and even then I think you would probably use "ie" in this particular sentence.

hirugohan ni tsuite wa


As I said in the other thread, "tsuite" isn't used with particles like "wa". In fact, I see no need for "ni tsuite" at all in this case. Why not just "hirugohan wa"? The particle "wa" already means "as for...", which would be the same thing you're trying to say with "ni tsuite".

burito ga totemo yokatta na!


You made exactly the same mistake with "wa" and "ga" as you did last time. Remember, you want to answer the question "How were the burritos?" (which must take "wa"), not "What is something that was good?" (which must take "ga").

As said in the other thread, "na" invites another person's agreement. (It's simply a rougher, more colloquial version of "ne".) Here, obviously the other person wouldn't know whether the burritos were good or not. In fact, you said that there is no "other person", so you probably shouldn't be using "na" at all.

- Kef
Founder of Learning Languages Through Video Games.
Also see my lang-8 journal, where you can help me practice Japanese (and Spanish, and Italian!)
User avatar
furrykef
 
Posts: 1572
Joined: Thu 01.10.2008 9:20 pm
Native language: Eggo (ワッフル語の方言)
Gender: Male

Re: Informal journal entry

Postby Hyperworm » Fri 09.18.2009 6:40 pm

My feelings here are as follows
(as usual, someone correct me if I'm wrong -- except you of course, Mr.Paper :lol:)

I think this "na" is okay. It's like "they were pretty good, as I recall!" / "thinking back, the burritos were pretty good!". Like a reflection on past events.

The construction "ni tsuite wa" is legal but a little overblown for this situation (I'd translate it as "concerning" rather than "for"). "hirugohan wa buritou datta" might be best? (it has a long o)

I think "uchi" is fine too. >_>

For the first sentence maybe "sugoku tanoshii ichinichi o sugoshita" or something like that? Anyway I think "ichinichi" is better than "hi" here.

"sumaseta to" is not grammatical with the meaning you want it to have, but I'm not sure what the best thing is to replace it with.
fun translation snippets | need something translated?
BTC@1KMZXgoWiDshQis5Z7feCx8jaiP4QAB2ks
User avatar
Hyperworm
 
Posts: 493
Joined: Tue 11.20.2007 2:26 pm
Native language: English
Gender: Male

Re: Informal journal entry

Postby furrykef » Fri 09.18.2009 7:19 pm

Hyperworm wrote:The construction "ni tsuite wa" is legal


I stand corrected. I forgot that "wa" can be tacked on to darn near anything... (I'm still sure it was invalid in the other thread, though, which had "o" rather than "wa" after "tsuite".)

I think "uchi" is fine too. >_>


Hmm. You may be right. It seems I don't grasp the difference between "ie" and "uchi" as well as I thought I did...

- Kef
Founder of Learning Languages Through Video Games.
Also see my lang-8 journal, where you can help me practice Japanese (and Spanish, and Italian!)
User avatar
furrykef
 
Posts: 1572
Joined: Thu 01.10.2008 9:20 pm
Native language: Eggo (ワッフル語の方言)
Gender: Male

Re: Informal journal entry

Postby Mr.Paper » Sat 09.19.2009 3:33 pm

Thank you very much you guys.
Mr.Paper
 
Posts: 59
Joined: Wed 07.29.2009 9:46 pm
Location: Illinois
Native language: Spanish
Gender: Male

Re: Informal journal entry

Postby Astral Abraxas » Mon 11.02.2009 5:10 pm

furrykef wrote:As said in the other thread, "na" invites another person's agreement. (It's simply a rougher, more colloquial version of "ne".) Here, obviously the other person wouldn't know whether the burritos were good or not. In fact, you said that there is no "other person", so you probably shouldn't be using "na" at all.


na is colloquial for ne. na is also the negative imperative(するな!= Don't do it!). na has 1 other meaning that I'm aware of, and it's the one I believe he was using. I tend to say naa (long 'a' sound). You use it when talking to yourself kind of making sure of what you're saying. I was watching some anime without subtitles to practice my listening comprehension a little bit ago and a character said "きれいな先生だったなあ"(she was clearly saying it to herself -_-) →lit: Was a beautiful teacher...→What a beautiful teacher... He used it kind of like this when he tried to say that the burritos were very good.

今日はすごかった! = Today was amazing!

Literal translations are almost always useless unless you're trying to deepen your understanding of some kind of grammar. Keep it simple if you can.
User avatar
Astral Abraxas
 
Posts: 81
Joined: Wed 07.04.2007 5:24 am


Return to 日本語の練習 (Practice Japanese)

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests

cron