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please correct

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please correct

Postby michaeljg » Fri 05.07.2010 6:48 am

i'm going to just try and write something and would very much appreciate any corrections you make:

わたし の なまえ michael です。にほん に とても きょみ が あります。 さいご に ほしい いきます。 わたし の なまえ にほんご が とても わるい です、でも きぼ よく なります。

watashi no namae michael desu. nihon ni totemo kyomi ga arimasu. saigo ni hoshii ikimasu. watashi no nihongo ga totemo warui desu, demo kibo yoku narimasu.

my name is michael. i'm very interested in japan. eventually i want to go there. my japanese is very bad, but i hope to improve.

tasukerimasu wa arigato

thank you for helping
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Re: please correct

Postby Nasu » Wed 05.12.2010 9:38 pm

Since you have a polite tone in your sentences, I'd put a は between なまえ and マイケル (which is the katakana for "Michael"). "Interest" in Japanese should be きょうみ, not きょみ. As for your third sentence, さいご has a meaning closer to "last". ほしいいきます should be changed to いきたいです。 ほしい is an adjective and is used to describe nouns, as in カメラがほしい (I want a camera). For verbs you drop the ます and add たい。 I'm not sure if it's correct enough to say your Japanese is わるい but I changed it to へた anyway. Someone else want to clear that up? Two other notes: it's not necessary to put spaces in between all words and particles. It's probably preferred it you didn't do that. Additionally, I think you're not supposed to put でも right after です、(with the comma). I could be wrong, though.

I'm not exactly sure how to say "to improve", so I took the first suggestion on jisho.org x_x I hope that's okay.

I'd put what you want to say as this:

わたし・ぼく (depends on how you want to refer to yourself) のなまえはマイケルです。にほんにとてもきょうみがあります。いつかにほんにいきたいです。にほんごがとてもへたですが、てがあがるようになりたいです。
私・僕の名前はマイケルです。日本にとても興味があります。いつか日本に行きたいです。日本語がとても下手ですが、手が上がるようになりたいです。
Nothing particularly special to put here >_<
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Re: please correct

Postby becki_kanou » Wed 05.12.2010 11:47 pm

All good corrections, but for the last sentence it's more natural to say :

1)上手(じょうず)になりたい [I want to become good at]
2) うまくなりたい [I want to get better at]
3)上達(じょうたつ)したい [I want to improve]
or even
4)話(はな)せるようになりたい [I want to be able to speak]

HTH
そうだ、嬉しいんだ、生きる喜び!
例え胸の傷が痛んでも。
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