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Could someone fix this for me?

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Could someone fix this for me?

Postby prep_girl_Nessa » Fri 04.21.2006 3:12 am

I haven't been learning Japanese for very long, but I decided I wanted to try to write something using some of the words and phrases I know. The problem is I really don't know how to use it. Could someone please look over this for me? ありがとうございます!

”あなたの眼は美しいです”が言うたい。でも、あなたは耳が遠いよに見える。御免なさい。ただ、私はあなたが大好きですよ。御免なさい。今さでいます。また。。。明日ね。

”anata no me wa utsukushii desu" ga iutai. Demo, anata wa mimi ga tooi yo ni mieru. Gomen nasai. Tada, watashi wa anata ga dai suki desu yo. Gomen nasai. Ima sade imasu. Mata... ashita ne.

What I was trying to say:

I want to tell you your eyes are beautiful. But, you don't seem to hear me (I wrote you seem to be hard of hearing, kind the same thing, ish...). I'm sorry. It's just, I really like you. I'm sorry. I'm leaving now. Until... tommorow.

I'm sure there's lots of mistakes, please help me!!
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RE: Could someone fix this for me?

Postby Txkun » Fri 04.21.2006 3:28 am

I'm not very good... anyway I'll try to help.

I wrote you seem to be hard of hearing

I think it's syntax is correct. But, wouldn't this be a bit rude? Implying she/he is deaf?

What about:
boku no kotoba wo kiku no ga arimasen mimasu?
the hearing of my words seems not to exist
= you seem not to hear my words

Could be ok/better? Waiting for expert's help! :D
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RE: Could someone fix this for me?

Postby Machina Maw » Fri 04.21.2006 3:51 am

I kind of ran through it but I doubt you should take what I say seriously, because I have a feeling that all my verb conjugations are wrong, so when someone more experienced comes along, please correct me immediately, haha.


「貴方の眼は美しいです」と言いました。でも、貴方は聞きません。御免なさい。ただ、私は貴方が大好きですよ。御免なさい。今、立ち去ります。また・・・明日ね

"Anata no manako wa utsukushii desu" to iimashita. Demo, anata wa kikimasen. Gomen nasai. Tada, watashi wa anata ga daisuki desu yo. Gomen nasai. Ima, Tachisarimasu. Mata... ashita ne.
Last edited by Machina Maw on Sun 04.23.2006 1:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: Could someone fix this for me?

Postby hungryhotei » Fri 04.21.2006 4:41 am

You will want to write gomen in kana, and probably keep anata in kana too. Its tooi YOU ni mieru, but that whole phrase doesn't sound right. Try using the verb kikoeru instead.
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RE: Could someone fix this for me?

Postby keatonatron » Fri 04.21.2006 5:02 am

prep_girl_Nessa wrote:
But, you don't seem to hear me (I wrote you seem to be hard of hearing, kind the same thing, ish...)


Why not write exactly what you said in English?

「あなたは美しい」と言うのに、聞こえないようにみえる。
I say "You are beautiful" but it's like you don't hear me.

You had "I want to say you are beautiful, but you don't seem to hear me" which would be wierd in Japanese. If you only want to say it, of course they can't hear you because you haven't said it yet!!

I kinda hope this really is just for poetic practice and you aren't actually planning on giving it to someone... Japanese people get freaked out really easily with stuff as direct as this.
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RE: Could someone fix this for me?

Postby SuzuQ » Fri 04.21.2006 11:11 am

How about this?

きれいな目をしていると伝えたいのに、あなたは聞いてくれそうにありません。
(or きれいな目をしていると伝えたいけれど、あなたには聞こえないかもしれません。is better if unfortunately she really has a trouble in hearing)
ごめんなさい、でも、あなたのことが大好きです。それじゃ、また明日。

kireina me wo shiteiru to tsutaetainoni, anata wa kiite kuresouni arimasen.
(or kireina me wo shiteiru to tsutaetai keredo, anata niwa kikoenai kamo shiremasen.)
gomennasai, demo, anatano koto ga daisuki desu. soreja, mata ashita.
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RE: Could someone fix this for me?

Postby prep_girl_Nessa » Sun 04.23.2006 12:48 am

Ah! Thanks so much! No, I definately wouldn't give this to anybody, in any language, lol. It's just some practice.

Machina Maw, could you explain some of your congugations? Like, iimashitai. The verb is iu, how did you change it into that? and Tachisarimasu, I don't get that one either. Please help me! :)

ありがとうございます、みんなさん!!
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RE: Could someone fix this for me?

Postby CrazzyWarrior » Sun 04.23.2006 1:14 am

prep_girl_Nessa wrote:
”あなたの眼は美しいです”

just a side note, they dont use the " like we have in english they use 「 and 」

so with that it should be

「あなたの眼は美しいです」
私の名前はセスです。
Watashi no namae ha seth desu.
[英訳] The ko (accumulated wisdom) of an old man is more precious than the ko (shell) of a tortoise.
「甲」と「劫」が同音であるところからできたことわざ。「劫」は極めて長い時間のことをいう。年長者の経験は尊ぶべきである。
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RE: Could someone fix this for me?

Postby Machina Maw » Sun 04.23.2006 1:29 am

prep_girl_Nessa wrote:
Ah! Thanks so much! No, I definately wouldn't give this to anybody, in any language, lol. It's just some practice.

Machina Maw, could you explain some of your congugations? Like, iimashitai. The verb is iu, how did you change it into that? and Tachisarimasu, I don't get that one either. Please help me! :)

ありがとうございます、みんなさん!!


Eep. Please don't take anything I say to be 100% correct, because more often than not, it isn't.
How I came to 言いましたい is, from the stem 言う I hacked off the う and added い, to make the ~ます form... just now I looked it up on WWWJDIC and it seems to be correct.

For the other conjugations.
聞く [きく] - to hear becomes
聞き (minus く plus き), which then becomes
聞きます [ききます], the polite form of 聞く; which in the polite negative form is 聞きません [ききません]: To not hear.

立ち去る tachisaru - to leave. Minus る, add り plus ~ます gives you
立ち去ります, たちさります, polite form of 'to leave'.
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RE: Could someone fix this for me?

Postby AJBryant » Sun 04.23.2006 3:35 am

Machina Maw, could you explain some of your congugations? Like, iimashitai. The verb is iu, how did you change it into that?


You need to read more carefully. The word isn't "iimashitai" -- it's "iimashita." It's simply polite past tense.


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