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practice song

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practice song

Postby denavious » Fri 07.07.2006 5:21 pm

This is a song i am writing for practice its now finished. I would appreciate it if someone would translate and correct it for me so i can see how it would sound to a better speaker of japanese.

<--------------------------O

に飛日海 狂砂 に歩森純 完無 に飛日海
パべ没に 気だ パいを粋 成限 パべ没に
ラばが見 とら ラてとの とに ラばが見
ダ、見て 破け ダいう天 愛進 ダ、見て 
イ逃てい 壊の イるっ使  ん イ逃てい
スげいる  空 スでてで  で スげいる
 らる      す す  い  らる
 れ            る  れ 
 る               る    
Last edited by denavious on Fri 07.07.2006 7:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
denavious
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed 12.28.2005 10:47 pm

RE: practice song

Postby coco » Sat 07.15.2006 8:26 pm

sorry,we can not read this Japanese sentences(the lines are not able to be shown correctly).
if you write it in 横書き, we will be able to read what you wrote. However, poem/lyrics is very difficult to be corrected.

I'm guessing your poem might be...
海に見ている
日没が見ている
飛べば逃げられる?
にバラダイス

無限に進んでいる
完成と愛
純粋の天使です
森をとおって
歩いているです

砂だらけの空
狂気と破壊

海に見ている
日没が見ている
飛べば、逃げられる
にパライダイス

??  
Last edited by coco on Sat 07.15.2006 8:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
coco
 
Posts: 3061
Joined: Mon 05.30.2005 12:43 am
Location: 東京都
Native language: 日本語(Japanese)

RE: practice song

Postby denavious » Tue 07.18.2006 7:35 pm

yes thats how i meant for them to be but i accidently started typing them the other way and well *sigh* well if its hard to correct then dont worry yourself!! I dont want to cause someone trouble!!
denavious
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed 12.28.2005 10:47 pm

RE: practice song

Postby coco » Wed 07.19.2006 4:33 am

にパラダイスdoesn't make sense.
Does it mean " to Paradise" ?
or 「飛べば バラダイスに 逃げられる」??

I think 歩いているです is hardly used.
rather use 歩いています。
coco
 
Posts: 3061
Joined: Mon 05.30.2005 12:43 am
Location: 東京都
Native language: 日本語(Japanese)

RE: practice song

Postby denavious » Wed 07.19.2006 9:40 pm

yeah i meant for にパラダイス to mean "to paradise".. Yeah i forgot that i put it in a way thats correct in english but not in japanese,,,silly me #_# thanks for the corrections coco!!!
denavious
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed 12.28.2005 10:47 pm


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