Is this correct?

Feel free to practice writing in Japanese or romaji. Help each other out with corrections or replying back in Japanese
Post Reply
kuroi
Posts: 51
Joined: Fri 12.16.2005 8:40 am

Is this correct?

Post by kuroi » Wed 08.30.2006 1:35 pm

I, have a serious particle problem.. and I've been practicing writing loads of random sentances with more.. obscure words and more complicated word order to help me master them.

Heres a more simpler sentance of mine:
私の心を自殺が泣いた

Its supposed to say "My heart wept/cried suicide"
Yes, I know it would sound MILES better if it said:
"My heart wept tears of suicide"
But hey, I like it the way it is.

So yeah.. is it correct?

[I'm a fan of Jrock so yeah, that explains the depressing line.. lmao]
「諦めない」−浜崎あゆみ

Armon
Posts: 178
Joined: Sun 08.27.2006 11:54 am
Contact:

RE: Is this correct?

Post by Armon » Wed 08.30.2006 3:25 pm

kuroi wrote:
Heres a more simpler sentance of mine:
私の心を自殺が泣いた


The sentence should be rewritten as:

私の心自殺泣いた。

Since the first part of the sentence is the subject, it should use ga because ga is the subject marker. Since the second part is the object, it should use wo because wo is the object marker.

Hope this helps in your learning. :)
ljvg.blogspot.com -- Learn Japanese for Video Games -- The first website dedicated to teaching Japanese for playing video games.

richvh
Posts: 6480
Joined: Thu 09.29.2005 10:35 pm
Contact:

RE: Is this correct?

Post by richvh » Wed 08.30.2006 3:33 pm

I think that

私の心が自殺と泣いた。

would be better.
Richard VanHouten
ゆきの物語

hungryhotei
Posts: 1067
Joined: Wed 04.12.2006 5:06 am
Native language: English
Location: Germany

RE: Is this correct?

Post by hungryhotei » Wed 08.30.2006 5:34 pm

Actually, Rich, I think that を is better。 The heart isn't actually saying 'suicide'. Or have I misunderstood?
I would also change 泣く to 嘆く。

Seriously, pick a simpler sentence! Its not that easy to figure out exactly what you are trying to say. I've probably got it wrong so my advice here might not be so great.
Last edited by hungryhotei on Wed 08.30.2006 5:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
天気がいいから、散歩しましょう。

kuroi
Posts: 51
Joined: Fri 12.16.2005 8:40 am

RE: Is this correct?

Post by kuroi » Thu 08.31.2006 5:22 am

^ Its alright =D

Thanks for the help everyone! ^^ I think I'll go with Armon's suggestion. =]
「諦めない」−浜崎あゆみ

User avatar
AJBryant
Site Admin
Posts: 5313
Joined: Sun 10.09.2005 11:29 am
Native language: English
Gender: Male
Location: Indiana
Contact:

RE: Is this correct?

Post by AJBryant » Thu 08.31.2006 11:20 am

It really woud help if you used real or realistic sentences instead of things that even in the original English sound like gibberish -- you can actually learn useful things that way.


Tony

kuroi
Posts: 51
Joined: Fri 12.16.2005 8:40 am

RE: Is this correct?

Post by kuroi » Fri 09.01.2006 3:10 am

^ Yeah, that would help. Hahah, thanks for that. ;]
「諦めない」−浜崎あゆみ

Post Reply