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Is this correct?

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Is this correct?

Postby kuroi » Wed 08.30.2006 1:35 pm

I, have a serious particle problem.. and I've been practicing writing loads of random sentances with more.. obscure words and more complicated word order to help me master them.

Heres a more simpler sentance of mine:
私の心を自殺が泣いた

Its supposed to say "My heart wept/cried suicide"
Yes, I know it would sound MILES better if it said:
"My heart wept tears of suicide"
But hey, I like it the way it is.

So yeah.. is it correct?

[I'm a fan of Jrock so yeah, that explains the depressing line.. lmao]
「諦めない」−浜崎あゆみ
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RE: Is this correct?

Postby Armon » Wed 08.30.2006 3:25 pm

kuroi wrote:
Heres a more simpler sentance of mine:
私の心を自殺が泣いた


The sentence should be rewritten as:

私の心自殺泣いた。

Since the first part of the sentence is the subject, it should use ga because ga is the subject marker. Since the second part is the object, it should use wo because wo is the object marker.

Hope this helps in your learning. :)
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RE: Is this correct?

Postby richvh » Wed 08.30.2006 3:33 pm

I think that

私の心が自殺と泣いた。

would be better.
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RE: Is this correct?

Postby hungryhotei » Wed 08.30.2006 5:34 pm

Actually, Rich, I think that を is better。 The heart isn't actually saying 'suicide'. Or have I misunderstood?
I would also change 泣く to 嘆く。

Seriously, pick a simpler sentence! Its not that easy to figure out exactly what you are trying to say. I've probably got it wrong so my advice here might not be so great.
Last edited by hungryhotei on Wed 08.30.2006 5:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: Is this correct?

Postby kuroi » Thu 08.31.2006 5:22 am

^ Its alright =D

Thanks for the help everyone! ^^ I think I'll go with Armon's suggestion. =]
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RE: Is this correct?

Postby AJBryant » Thu 08.31.2006 11:20 am

It really woud help if you used real or realistic sentences instead of things that even in the original English sound like gibberish -- you can actually learn useful things that way.


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RE: Is this correct?

Postby kuroi » Fri 09.01.2006 3:10 am

^ Yeah, that would help. Hahah, thanks for that. ;]
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