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将来の手紙です。本当に大切!

Feel free to practice writing in Japanese or romaji. Help each other out with corrections or replying back in Japanese

将来の手紙です。本当に大切!

Postby Sumi » Wed 12.13.2006 10:46 pm

This is the letter that I have to write to my Host family. This really the first time that I've done something like this and I would really appreciate it if someone could check the grammar etc.

こんにちは、将来です。私の名前はケンドラので16歳です。日本の高校に通いたいだっていつも日本の文化が好きのです。日本に住んでいます、私は文化や結社をもっといい分かっています。文化をもっといい解できています。この体験は素晴らしいと思う、真正日本食を食べられてみたり、秋祭りを感じえてみたり、真正日本の高校に通ってみたりしています。

私の上手は素晴らしい覚えを持って、炊いて、上手に読んで、ショートストーリーを書いて、友達に易しくなっています。私に読むや書くや画くのは面白いから最強上手です。私も行って!粗方を忘れました。演舞場が好きのでHigh School Musical演劇を使い出しておく。役柄を持っておくでしょうか。けれど、歌うをことが好きからよくありません歌手です。もっといい踊り手です。けれど、好きな歌手やバンドは浜崎あゆみ、モーニング娘。、ガゼット、Dir en Grey、雅、宇多田光る、キンキキッズなど。

早かった習いました、好きな趣味は、ダンスして、ショートストーリーを書いて、友達になって。私もコンピュターと作って、友達を過ごしています。私もファションや買い物が好き!だけれど、一意なファションを持っています。早い今年は、絵画を画いて始めました。未来には芸授業に通って図る。11年だろうが。今年は演舞場授業でもっと歌舞伎の関してを習いました。その場合は私の愛に演舞場をヘルプしました。

私は確じゃないが何を思い設けています。全部はとても体制が日本に住んでいますと思う。日本の文化はとても異からアメリカの文化のです。

家族ではお母さんや2人弟がいます。お母さんは英明で素晴らしくて恭しいです。仕事で難しく作っていますので2人弟や私に最高にあげています。彼女は私に人様を崇め立て教わりました。私の目的を肩を待ちます。2人弟を持っています。クリスやダービドです。クリスは6歳だからダービドは4歳です。画く、ベースボールするのは好きです。クリスの好きなスポッツはバスケットボールです。ダービドの好きなスポッツもバスケットボールです。あいつらは味なです。

私は親友を持っています、ジェッシカです。ジェッシカは18歳からお姉さんのようにので私にいい諌めをあげています。英明な女です。今時はカリフォルニアに住んでいます。彼女を愛しく寂しがっています。将来に会いたい待ってないません!

<Pンドラ
12月12日2006年

Thank you very much
ねえ、あのう、弟さん、ここに遊んじゃだめだよ。あそこは酸があるんだよ。
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RE: 将来の手紙です。本当に大切!

Postby chikara » Wed 12.13.2006 11:03 pm

sumi-san,
I'll leave it to someone with a better grasp of Japanese grammar than mine to check your letter but one little thing I have noticed is that the date should be;

2006年12月12日

ie year-month-day.
Don't complain to me that people kick you when you're down. It's your own fault for lying there
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RE: 将来の手紙です。本当に大切!

Postby Sumi » Wed 12.13.2006 11:06 pm

Thank you for that piece of info!! Who's a pro at this?
Last edited by Sumi on Wed 12.13.2006 11:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
ねえ、あのう、弟さん、ここに遊んじゃだめだよ。あそこは酸があるんだよ。
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RE: 将来の手紙です。本当に大切!

Postby Oyaji » Thu 12.14.2006 5:02 am

I hesitate to help too much, because it is a letter to introduce yourself, and part of that is letting them know your level of Japanese. If people help you too much, and you send a letter in perfect Japanese, you may mislead them into thinking your ability is better than it really is.

I would suggest that you try to make it a little more simple, and less creative. I don't know that they will understand what you mean when you suddenly start with 「将来です」 which could mean "I am the future" or "It is the future" or "My name is Shorai".

I would suggest just writing a simple self-introduction, using simple phrases. You can work on the more complicated things once you get here.
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RE: 将来の手紙です。本当に大切!

Postby coco » Thu 12.14.2006 5:25 am

I tried to tell some, but gave up. I could not express that with my poor English. I am sorry. I hope someone skilled will help you.

By the way, did you read all replies of your thread?
I think those are very helpful. ;)
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RE: 将来の手紙です。本当に大切!

Postby chchan45 » Thu 12.14.2006 8:55 pm

Sumi san,

I see that you have made a real effort to write the passage in Japanese. It may be a little too long for other members to correct it completely, but I think you deserve at least a reply for your effort (even if I cannot cover everything), so here is my try:

私の名前はケンドラので16歳です。
Change to 私の名前はケンドラで、16歳です。

日本に住んでいます、私は文化や結社をもっといい分かっています
1. Your profiles say that you live in the US, but here you are saying that you live in Japan. Did you say that you want to live in Japan?
2. "To know about" (rather than "to know") is 知ります or 理解します

真正日本食を食べられて
You probably wanted to say "I would be able to eat real Japanese food". Change to 本物の日本料理を食べられて

秋祭りを感じえて
Don't quote me for that, but 秋祭りの雰囲気を味わえて would sound better. You probably do not know the word in bold so please look it up in the dictionary.

私の上手は素晴らしい覚えを持って、炊いて、上手に読んで、ショートストーリーを書いて、友達に易しくなっています
1. Did you want to say "My strong points are ......"? The word for "strong point" is 美点 or 長所.
2. Did you say you make friends easily? Again, the dictionary is your best friend.

歌うをことが好きからよくありません歌手です。
This does not make sense other than the grammatical errors. You are saying something like "Because I like singing, I am a bad singer".

好きな趣味は、ダンスして、ショートストーリーを書いて、友達になって。
1. 好きな趣味は just 趣味は is enough
2. ショートストーリー 小説 is probably a better word
3. When describing something, は should end with こと
So I suggest this change:
趣味は、ダンス、小説を書くことと友達を作ることです。


Sorry I do not have time tonight to go through the whole passage, so I will stop here for now. If you want further practise, please try to improve on the part at the beginning and we can come back to it later.
Reading 李香蘭 私の半生

Please note that:
1. English is not my first language.
2. I am not Japanese. I am prone to making mistakes so please point them out if you see any.
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RE: 将来の手紙です。本当に大切!

Postby flammable hippo » Thu 12.14.2006 9:05 pm

Sumi-san, a quick question. Do you know how to write/read all of the kanji that you have been using in this letter? A lot of them seem like more advanced kanji that you wouldn't have learned yet. You said you're a beginner somewhere else but a lot of these kanji are level 2 and up. Try to stick to only using the ones that you know and don't rely too heavily on I.M.E. to convert everything for you.

ps-if you do know these kanji then forget what I said :D. You could just be skilled at kanji.
Two muffins were baking in an oven. One turns to the other and says "sure is hot in here." The other replies "AH TALKING MUFFIN!"

二つのマフィンがオーブンで焼かれていた。片方のマフィンがもう一方のマフィンに向かって、"暑いね”と言った。すると、話しかけられたほうのマフィンは"アッ!喋るマフィンだ!”と驚いた。 :)
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RE: 将来の手紙です。本当に大切!

Postby Sumi » Thu 12.14.2006 9:06 pm

I stopped learning kanji individually and I just use words, but they could use much practice. I do thank everyone!
ねえ、あのう、弟さん、ここに遊んじゃだめだよ。あそこは酸があるんだよ。
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RE: 将来の手紙です。本当に大切!

Postby Mike Cash » Fri 12.15.2006 6:23 am

Start up the kanji learning again. The more you can read, the easier life will be for you once you are here. You don't have to be perfect and get everything every time, but every little bit helps. Passive recognition ability is sufficient at first. (You don't actually need to be able to produce them, just recognize them, in other words).
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RE: 将来の手紙です。本当に大切!

Postby Sumi » Fri 12.15.2006 8:45 am

Thank you, I'm taking that advice.
ねえ、あのう、弟さん、ここに遊んじゃだめだよ。あそこは酸があるんだよ。
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RE: 将来の手紙です。本当に大切!

Postby Mike Cash » Fri 12.15.2006 9:15 am

I'll have to mark this down on my calendar. The first time anyone on any net forum has ever taken my advice on anything! God, it's times like this I wish I didn't hate smilies so damned much.

(Although I strongly suspect that, clever girl that you are, you had already started in on what I advised).
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RE: 将来の手紙です。本当に大切!

Postby Justin » Fri 12.15.2006 10:36 pm

...and let today go down in history as "The day someone on the TJP.com forum finally took Mike's advice." :D

Anywho, just wanted to stop by and see what you actualy meant by some of the 将来 stuff in your letter there Sumi, as I'm not 100% for sure what you're shooting for there? I agree with Oyaji that it would probably be a bad idea to give too much help, as we wouldn't want your host family to get the wrong idea or anything, but if you wanted to explain a bit about the aproach you're taking with the letter, it may be of some great help in pointing you into the right direction.

Keep up the good work. :D
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RE: 将来の手紙です。本当に大切!

Postby coco » Sun 12.17.2006 7:25 pm

Sumiさん。わたしもSumiさんの手紙が、自分の将来について書いたものではないかと想像しました。
I considered that you had written about your future ( instead of present ) in your letter, since your profile shows you are now 15years old.

And it says
・日本に住んでいます
・をもっといい分かっています
・をもっといい解できています

This is the letter that I have to write to my Host family.
Is this your real situation? or just a assumption/condition(?) for learning Japanese?

If you put your letter not only in Japanese but also in English, it would be easier to correct your Japanese sentences.

日本語と英語を書くようにすれば、修正しやすくなると思います。 ;)
( I hope this makes sense)
Last edited by coco on Sun 12.17.2006 7:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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