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Not living in Japan, but America

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RE: Not living in Japan, but America

Postby Ken Pro » Sat 01.05.2008 4:53 pm

Seant018 wrote:
I have been dating a Japanese girl for over a year now but in December she graduated from the university we both go to, so she has to go back to Japan.

I just don't know if she is willing to get married so soon.

My question is, if we do get married, does she lose or Japanese citizenship if she wants to stay in America for a few years while she works?


You're asking the wrong question.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

"Why would I marry someone I've only known for a year?"

"Is she willing to marry me? Why?"

"Do we understand the concept of marriage?"

"What's more important to me.....my life six months from now, or my life six years from now?"

And I've got a question for you: have you ever met anyone in her family or experienced first-hand what her life was like before moving to America? I'm not saying you shouldn't trust her, but I'm curious if all you know about her life in Japan is based upon what she tells you.
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RE: Not living in Japan, but America

Postby Seant018 » Sat 01.05.2008 10:22 pm

Poof
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RE: Not living in Japan, but America

Postby AJBryant » Sat 01.05.2008 10:30 pm

Sean, it's not YOUR topic. You started it, but this is a public forum.

Whether you like it or not, Mike is both a voice of reason and experience. He's been married and living in Japan for over 20 years. He knows this stuff.

If it fails due to a simple time difference, all the better that it do so NOW rather than after you're married and have some kids. You have lots of options, but you're letting *FEAR* override the thinking process.

Why not LET her go back to Japan, and you go visit HER for a while. You can always get a fiancee visa and bring her back *if* you two decide to marry and settle in the States. OTOH, she might realize she wants to stay in Japan (it's one thing to think for her to think she wants to stay here while here, it's another to think so after going back home). If she wants to stay in Japan, you both will have a decision to make.

But make it in leisure, not in haste.

Tony
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RE: Not living in Japan, but America

Postby Seant018 » Sat 01.05.2008 10:39 pm

Poof
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RE: Not living in Japan, but America

Postby Seant018 » Sat 01.05.2008 10:59 pm

Sorry, I want to apologize. I feel that I am coming off the wrong way, I don't want to seem like a jerk or anything. I am grateful for every piece of advice I have been offered in this thread, I just feel like I can't give the exact situation I am in, and the pieces I do give are painting a picture which is easily misconstrued.

Thanks for all the advice, even from you Mike, I appreciate it.
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RE: Not living in Japan, but America

Postby Ken Pro » Sun 01.06.2008 4:22 am

Seant018 wrote:

While I haven't met her family, I will in May. I haven't talked with her parents, but I have talked briefly with her brother, and they all seem to like what their daughter/sister has said about me. Her mom seems pleased with the thought of me and always asks about me and talks with her about me, so I guess that is the best I can ask for without ever having met or talked with her.


Good stuff, and as you say you'll be seeing them in May. One step at a time.

And don't let the cranks get you down. If she is that important to you, then of course you are vulnerable. A lot of people are uncomfortable with that level of trust. They assume if the partner isn't right there, under some control, someone BETTER will come along and snatch the person; or that'll you'll just get dumped long-distance. The advice from those sorts of people would be to hedge every bet, protect yourself at all cost, and prepare for the worst. And who knows, that might be good advice. Maybe you are making a mistake by hanging onto the relationship. But even so, it's the sort of mistake everyone needs to make now and then. Better to make that mistake than to not even try. And if it's the right decision, well, you're a lucky man. And a brave one. Just make sure you wear a condom. Always. B)
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RE: Not living in Japan, but America

Postby Dehitay » Sun 01.06.2008 4:41 am

Ken's post was running rather smooth till the end where I bursted out laughing. While minorly relevant, it was so random that the whole post seems rather school yard rhetoric now.
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