Culture of Marriage

[caroline]

Mike Cash wrote:

Mercenary wrote:
It also talked about that typically after the married people were done having kids that the man would lose interest in the wife and may very well pursue his desires elsewhere. It also was talking about how the man typically was obsessive with work and spent little time at home with the wife and the kids and that it was the wife that gave the children any kind of real attention.

Typical modern female-centric self-serving men-are-bastards claptrap.

Does it talk about how from the moment of conception, practically, husbands are marginalized and neglected? Does it mention and explain the common Japanese expressions 亭主は留守で元気がいい and 釣った魚に餌をやらない？　("Husbands should be healthy and absent" and "You don't keep giving bait to fish you already caught")

Does it mention how so many women, once they become mothers, quit being wives?

I'm going to cut this off, because I feel like going on a full-blown rant and I can only do justice to it out loud.

Don't you realize you could be both right?

As far as I got it, some times ago, the best way not to see a japanese man was to be married to him. Him working and drinking and 出張　and golf. Which might be changing, but quite slowly. In this context, the best thing to do is to treat the man as a father/moneyman... and not invest in him. So, you stop being a loving wife. And wrongfully think of hubby as a baited fish.

Then, obviously enough, hubby might have to look for something more somewhere else, and the lifestyle perversely allows just for that. How to spot the difference between the "drinking binge time" and "mistress time", except by the sent of the soap if you get that close?

But obviously, my man would do that, I'd drop him immediatly
( just in case you log in! )

[Mike Cash]

I never said he was wrong; I pointed out part of the "why".

And my comments didn't refer specifically to Japanese marriages, although what I said does apply in spades to them.

[Mercenary]

Yeah I figured there would be stuff on both sides, it sounds depressing on both ends though. I used to think people were always wanting to get married in their early 20s. I know for sure I don't want to be single when I am in my 30s, even if it does mean less expenses. Seems like all nations are basically mimicing what happened in the west. The good and the bad.

I don't know how married people could lose interest in one another because of having a kid, to me it would seem that would bring people more together.

I wish both feminism and chauvinism would disappear from the world.

[caroline]

well, I don't know what are the taxes where you live, but being married doesn't necessarily mean more expenses! And that would be a really lousy reason not to get married.

[keatonatron]

Yeah, I don't know where Merc lives or what he was thinking, but I think it's generally understood that being married makes things cheaper.

Having a baby is the complete opposite, but simply getting married and sharing a household is much cheaper. That's one big reason many people don't get divorced in Japan; it's simply too expensive to live by yourself (comfortably).

[Mercenary]

Single - You only have food to buy for one, only clothes to buy for one, only electricity and other consumption by one, etc.

Married - Double those.

Say you make 40k/yr, it goes a lot further in single.
Now yeah, if you both work it wouldn't be that way, but I meant with just the man working. And I was also considering a child into the picture as I put kids as a part of marriage.

[PsychoSP]

In theory, it's more economical to live with someone else.

In practice, that works well enough, as long as we're talking about roommates.

In marriage, things tend to be different. I've never heard of a couple who spent less than twice what they did while single.

[two_heads_talking]

Mike Cash wrote:

Mercenary wrote:
It also talked about that typically after the married people were done having kids that the man would lose interest in the wife and may very well pursue his desires elsewhere. It also was talking about how the man typically was obsessive with work and spent little time at home with the wife and the kids and that it was the wife that gave the children any kind of real attention.

Typical modern female-centric self-serving men-are-bastards claptrap.

Does it talk about how from the moment of conception, practically, husbands are marginalized and neglected? Does it mention and explain the common Japanese expressions 亭主は留守で元気がいい and 釣った魚に餌をやらない？　("Husbands should be healthy and absent" and "You don't keep giving bait to fish you already caught")

Does it mention how so many women, once they become mothers, quit being wives?

I'm going to cut this off, because I feel like going on a full-blown rant and I can only do justice to it out loud.

well, before you cut it off too quickly, may I add an AMEN BROTHER!!! to that?

[lastlife]

If you get married to a Japanese woman, I feel really sorry for you.

[hiraikotsu]

Coincidentally, right after reading this thread I got this on an email:

>Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.

>A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin',
>ironin', cookin' and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna "work"."

>Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds
>and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.

[Mike Cash]

lastlife wrote:
If you get married to a Japanese woman, I feel really sorry for you.

Your warning thinly disguised as sympathy comes 21 years too late to do me any good, but how about sharing your wisdom with the rest of the class.

Elaborate.

[two_heads_talking]

lastlife wrote:
If you get married to a Japanese woman, I feel really sorry for you.

biased at all? what are you sorry for?

as MIke Cash said.. ELABORATE.. !!!

[Aislynn]

hiraikotsu wrote:

>Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds
>and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.

And since I have 3 boys, and a 'family military tradition' (GP- ArmyRet., GGP-NavyDec.(WWII), GGP- ArmyDec.(WWII), 2 Uncles- ArmyRet. (Both Vietnam Vets), DH- ArmyRet., Bro- Navy Coreman currently deployed) I have encouraged my sons to seriously think about enlisting once they are old enough, and if healthy enough to do so.

Also, out of all the men I know, the ones who have some sort of military/diciplined training are the ones who are the best behaved, and treat their ladies right, even the ones who fought overseas and came back to us a little more than worse for wear (mentally and/or physically).

[caroline]

Single - You only have food to buy for one, only clothes to buy for one, only electricity and other consumption by one, etc.

Married - Double those.

Say you make 40k/yr, it goes a lot further in single.
Now yeah, if you both work it wouldn't be that way, but I meant with just the man working. And I was also considering a child into the picture as I put kids as a part of marriage

well, just think you got only one house to pay for, and not two, and think that income tax goes marvelously down : specially when there are kids.

My experience is that I'm richer when I don't live on my own, but that's not enough of a reason to live with anyone! :