View topic - A thank you to Mr. Cash and everyone
Would I want someone to make a "feel better" reply?, only to realize later in life that I was let down? No, I would want all the truthful, straight to the point facts and information that I could get. Most people are uninformed due to a lack of knowledge.
Mr. Cash currently living in Japan, and many of our other posters here.. they are able to provide us with straight information and facts about how things are.. all from experience. Instead of posting something like "Work hard and keep trying! you will make a great pop star or whatever!"
So next time posters take information that Mr. Cash and others provide, and make it into an arrogant or hateful message.. think again. sometimes, the truth hurts, or may not make you happy because it wasn't what you wanted / expected to hear.. their providing you with facts, instead of a fairy tale.
I suppose that is why i respect Mr. Cash and many of our posters here so much. Thanks everyone
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We look forward to reading Mr. Cash's posts!
Yes，we love Mr.Cash!!
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- Location: 東京都
- Native language: 日本語(Japanese)
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Yes, Thank you Mike Cash-san.
Though I just mostly browse to read posts about how to learn Japanese,
your 'down to earth logic' has help me in my studies.
Domo arigato gozaimasu Mike Cash-sama!
~99% Dork 1% Crazy.~
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Maybe part of it comes from my refusal to use smilies. Maybe some comes from people assuming a lack of touchy-feely wording equals a presence of malice. That's faulty thinking, folks.
It's true that I've been in Japan for quite a while. I haven't been particularly good at it and my life is hardly what anyone could even remotely refer to as a success. I wouldn't wish it on any one of you. Consequently, I know many of the pitfalls awaiting some of the folks too eager to get here with too little preparation. I make my posts straight to the point and factual. Some people take offense to that. What is a mystery to me is that some people appoint themselves to take offense vicariously, even when the person I originally addressed gives no sign of having been offended.
I don't know how many of you are familiar with Mark Twain's Roughing It, in which he gives an account of his years in the American West prior to becoming famous, but there is an anecdote in there which pretty well sums things up.
He is traveling in a stagecoach through wild country when a terrible storm strikes:
At midnight it began to rain, and I never saw anything like it--indeed, I
did not even see this, for it was too dark. We fastened down the
curtains and even caulked them with clothing, but the rain streamed in in
twenty places, nothwithstanding. There was no escape. If one moved his
feet out of a stream, he brought his body under one; and if he moved his
body he caught one somewhere else. If he struggled out of the drenched
blankets and sat up, he was bound to get one down the back of his neck.
Meantime the stage was wandering about a plain with gaping gullies in it,
for the driver could not see an inch before his face nor keep the road,
and the storm pelted so pitilessly that there was no keeping the horses
still. With the first abatement the conductor turned out with lanterns
to look for the road, and the first dash he made was into a chasm about
fourteen feet deep, his lantern following like a meteor. As soon as he
touched bottom he sang out frantically:
"Don't come here!"
To which the driver, who was looking over the precipice where he had
disappeared, replied, with an injured air: "Think I'm a dam fool?"
Story of my life when it comes to posting advice. I give something relevant, informed, pertinent, and (usually) succinct....and get umbrage for my trouble.
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Helpful follow-up: But here's what we're going to do anyway.... see you next month.
Telling it how it is: I'm sorry, but your daughter isn't likely to ever be able to walk, sit up, feed, or dress herself.
Unhelpful follow-up: Here's a phone number for a councilor. Please learn to accept it, and help her to accept it. We're very sorry. Goodbye.
Giving the straight-up answer, and following it up with an effort to help anyway is not 'sugarcoating' things, it's genuinely helpful.
Giving the straight-up answer and following it up with anything that might be even close to a cliche and boiled down to "Thank you, drive through" is -not- helpful. It shows just enough effort to point out the obvious, but not enough to care that they might be able to overcome it.
It is human nature to feel injured when advice given to you is the obvious kind. It immediately presumes ignorance -- no one likes that. If it must be given, just in case it is in reality not so obvious, then at least show enough decency to follow it up with fresh ideas.
Be more like a mentor, and less like a bitter "don't end up like me, or I'll beat you with a stick" grumpy old man.
Since we're telling stories: When I was in high school, it was consistently preached to me about how important college is. As if college is some magical place where all the pieces will fall together into a neat little pattern. Well, needless to say that I quickly came to realize I was in over my head. And when I sought help, I was simply told to stay in school, with no actual wisdom as to what the hell I was supposed to be doing.
"you have time, you'll figure it out. You can change your major, is there anything else you'd like to do?" As if it's as easy as shopping for it at the supermarket.
In any case.... you can't make a plan when you don't know a whole lot about life to begin with. You need help from other people who are older and wiser and experienced in something related to what you hope to achieve. And I'm sorry, but I don't think that the most blatantly obvious advice really cuts it. "Go to college, have a plan." "Don't come here!"
So like you, Mike, I don't want to see people fail the way I did. So, while I respect your moral ground and where you're coming from, I think mine is just as valid, and will continue to be upset when I see anyone give advice that doesn't make the grade. If I could offer up helpful stuff on every single topic, I would, and just ignore everyone else's. But *big shock* I don't know everything.
I will feel obligated, however, to shed some optimism in the face of pessimistic statements, and offer what encouragement I can in the hopes that they will get help from someone who does -more- than point out the negative. If that means contrasting a post you - or anyone else - writes, then so be it.
Don't take it personally. I'm just trying to help. It's not a war on you, it's a war on pessimism. If you happen to be wearing the enemy colors...... I'm very sorry.
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You read malice into my posts where there is none. And you read pessimism into them where there is none. You read with your hypersensitive heart and leave calm rational thought entirely out of it when you read my posts. You're our Roseanne Roseannadanna, flying off in an indignant rage when none is justified by any stretch of the imagination.
I gave the most recent poster some good general advice, and you're pissed that I didn't play career counsellor and book his college classes for him and set up some job interviews. The OP didn't seem to think my advice uninformative, useless, heartless, or in any other way offensive. He gives every indication of having gotten something useful from it and seemed to appreciate it. You're the only one in that thread who got your panties in a wad over what I told him.
Anytime you don't like the advice I give, then feel free to post your own corrections or addenda to it. Stuff based on solid fact and informed personal experience rather than baseless conjecture and just general rah-rah cheerleading would be nice, but just do the best you can. But GET OFF MY ASS already. Stop being the gravy stain on the necktie of my existence.
And don't say you're sorry when you obviously are not. You insult your intelligence and mine with insincere expressions of regret. It just comes across as smarmy.
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