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Could anyone please check my translation work please?

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Could anyone please check my translation work please?

Postby squarezebra » Fri 05.01.2009 8:17 am

Hi, i am quite a beginner learner, and i have been teaching myself the basics from pretty much here , there and everywhere (i actually start the Passport courses at my local University soon =). Anyway, with where i am currently at with my kanji, kana and grammar i thought it might really help to have a stab at some of the readings on englishjapaneseonlinedictionary.com. However, they don't provide the english translations, so i was wondering if someone could just take a look at what ive figured out, and make any corrections here and there.
i'd really appreciate that =). so here's what i last worked on. i think i understand the gist of what is going on mostly, but the grammar is where i get a little lost. my translations in brackets

私はの ホストファミりーの家には 十一人人が住んでいます (eleven people live in the house of my host family)
みんなとてもかっこよくて かわいくて いい人です (everyone is very stylish and cute)
みんな外であそぶのが大好きなので 夏はキャンプにいったりみずうみに行ったりします (because everyone loves playing outside, in the summer we go camping and to the lake)
今週もまだ春なのみ 男の子たつがみずうみにキャンプに行ってしまいしました (the boys went to camp at the lake this week even though its still spring)
休みの日も子でも達が朝からうるさいのでゆっくりねむれません (even when it is a day off, the children are very noisy so its hard to have a lie in (or sleep-in))
だから私は休みの日も早く起きています (therefore, even on my day off i get up early)
はれた日はこうえんで やきゅうをしたりサッカーをしたりします (if it is a bright day then we go to the park to play football)

i've written the japanese precisely how it was on the webpage, even though i think i know some of the kanji that should preferably be used

thank you for your help
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Re: Could anyone please check my translation work please?

Postby becki_kanou » Fri 05.01.2009 9:47 am

squarezebra wrote:There are a few small typing errors in some of the sentences: I'll correct in red.
私の ホストファミーの家には 十一人人が住んでいます (eleven people live in the house of my host family)
みんなとてもかっこよくて かわいくて いい人です (everyone is very stylish and cute and good people)
みんな外であそぶのが大好きなので 夏はキャンプにいったりみずうみに行ったりします (because everyone loves playing outside, in the summer we go camping and to the lake)
今週もまだ春なの 男の子たつがみずうみにキャンプに行ってしまいしました (the boys went to camp at the lake this week even though it's still spring)
休みの日も子も達が朝からうるさいのでゆっくりねむれません (even when it is a day off, the children are very noisy so its hard to have a lie in (or sleep-in))
だから私は休みの日も早く起きています (therefore, even on my day off i get up early)
はれた日はこうえんで やきゅうをしたりサッカーをしたりします (if it is a sunny day then we go to the park to play football)


Looks pretty good. May I suggest capitalization of your English sentences however; it makes it much easier to read...
Last edited by becki_kanou on Fri 05.01.2009 12:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Could anyone please check my translation work please?

Postby squarezebra » Fri 05.01.2009 10:59 am

Ah, thank you very much for pointing those out. I can't believe I missed "sunny"; that's an easy bit. The whole thing took me about 4 hours to work out. Its very slow going, but I feel like I am learning quite a bit by investing in them. I think what makes it harder is that there isnt enough kanji. I find long strings of kana difficult to separate. I understand now what people mean when they say that kanji makes reading easier.
Apologies about the lack of capitalization; I'll make sure I put more effort into that next time.
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Re: Could anyone please check my translation work please?

Postby furrykef » Fri 05.01.2009 11:53 am

I'm still a beginner, so maybe I'm just missing something here, but why is there a は between 私 and の in the first sentence?
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Re: Could anyone please check my translation work please?

Postby Yudan Taiteki » Fri 05.01.2009 12:04 pm

furrykef wrote:I'm still a beginner, so maybe I'm just missing something here, but why is there a は between 私 and の in the first sentence?


There shouldn't be.
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Re: Could anyone please check my translation work please?

Postby becki_kanou » Fri 05.01.2009 12:08 pm

Oops, I must have missed that. The two gentlemen are correct; there should be no は after 私 in the first sentence.
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Re: Could anyone please check my translation work please?

Postby NocturnalOcean » Fri 05.01.2009 1:38 pm

私の ホストファミリーの家には 十一人の人が住んでいます.

I also believe there should be a の between the two 人.
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Re: Could anyone please check my translation work please?

Postby squarezebra » Fri 05.01.2009 2:00 pm

Oops .... I copied the japanese straight from the source I translated from, but it seems I can't even do that without making mistakes. The source I used definately writes 十一人人が住んでいます; would it have a different meaning if it was written 十一人の人が住んでいます?
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Re: Could anyone please check my translation work please?

Postby coco » Fri 05.01.2009 7:10 pm

You have been teaching yourself Japanese very well. :)
I've found only a few points in addition to Becki-san's correction.

becki_kanou wrote:今週もまだ春なの 男の子たがみずうみにキャンプに行ってしまいしました (the boys went to camp at the lake this week even though it's still spring)


まだ春なのに、今週も男の子たち[は/が] みずうみに キャンプに 行ってしまいしました。
まだ春なのに、男の子たちは今週も みずうみに キャンプに 行ってしまいました。
 
"今週もまだ春なのに" sounds like " Despite this week is still spring".
Although が and は is very difficult here, I think most Japanese people choose は in this context. Of course が isn't incorrect.

squarezebra wrote:The source I used definately writes 十一人人が住んでいます; would it have a different meaning if it was written 十一人の人が住んでいます?

There is no different meaning between two.
We tend to omit some particles in our conversation.
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Re: Could anyone please check my translation work please?

Postby becki_kanou » Fri 05.01.2009 11:42 pm

まだ見落としていたところがあったんですね。直してくれてありがとうございます。
coco wrote:"今週もまだ春なのに" sounds like " Despite this week is still spring".

His original translation: "Even though it's still spring", sounds much more natural in English. "Despite" sounds very formal and also requires the ing form. "Despite it still being spring"
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Re: Could anyone please check my translation work please?

Postby keatonatron » Sat 05.02.2009 12:12 am

coco wrote:
squarezebra wrote:The source I used definately writes 十一人人が住んでいます; would it have a different meaning if it was written 十一人の人が住んでいます?

There is no different meaning between two.
We tend to omit some particles in our conversation.


Although it does sound quite redundant; 人 after a number can only count people, so you don't really need to point out that it's "eleven people of people". Just 十一人が住んでいます is fine.
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Re: Could anyone please check my translation work please?

Postby coco » Sat 05.02.2009 5:42 pm

becki_kanou wrote:
coco wrote:"今週もまだ春なのに" sounds like " Despite this week is still spring".

His original translation: "Even though it's still spring", sounds much more natural in English. "Despite" sounds very formal and also requires the ing form. "Despite it still being spring"


Beckiさん、ご指摘ありがとうございます。勉強になります。m(__)m
Despite it still being spring でも、おそらく日本語にしたときの違和感は伝わりませんよね。
「今はまだ春なのに」は、問題のない表現なのですが、「今週もまだ春」だと季節が一週間区切りで設定されているようで、多くの人が「?」と思う表現になっているのですが、それが伝えられない英語力を歯痒く感じます。

ところで、the boys went to camp at the lake this week even though it's still spring.
この文章を「今週も」の「も」にしたのは、日本語をかなり正確に理解されているのでしょうね。

まだ春なのに、今週も男の子たち[は/が] みずうみに キャンプに 行ってしまいしました。
まだ春なのに、男の子たちは今週も みずうみに キャンプに 行ってしまいました。

自分で書いておきながら、なんですが^^; これだと「今週も」は「湖に行った」なので、これまでにも複数回、男の子が湖に行ったという表現になってしまっています。

「まだ春だというにもかかわらず、今週、男の子たちは湖にキャンプに行ってしまった。」
あたりが原文に近いのかもしれません。

今後ともご指導のほどよろしくお願いいたします。 :)
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Re: Could anyone please check my translation work please?

Postby nekoninja » Mon 06.29.2009 3:01 pm

You did very well! 8D I do have a couple of corrections for the last sentence:

• The "if… then…" construction is not present in the Japanese sentence. It seems to me that it's meant to be more of a general sentence than one showing cause-effect relationship. (I hope that makes sense…)
• The "-tari, -tari" conjugation (やきゅうをしたりサッカーをしたり) is basically what you use to say something along the lines of "doing things such as ___ and ___."

Therefore, I think it would be more accurate to translate the sentence this way:

はれた日はこうえんで やきゅうをしたりサッカーをしたりします
On sunny days we (will) do things such as play baseball and soccer/football in the park.
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