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can you help me?...again?

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can you help me?...again?

Postby kuronekochan » Fri 02.18.2011 7:50 pm

Hi again!
I'm back with another mini story that I made up and tried to translate into Japanese. Thank you sooo much to the people that helped me out before.
I just want to make clear to anyone who decides to help me that the dialogue is coming from one person. The person starts off talking to their friend on the phone and then the friend decides to come over to help.

Oh and fair warning...this translation is by far more painful than the last :sweatdrop:
Thanks in advance for the help :D

Hello!

I planned on calling you yesterday but I was too busy. I was painting my house. I went from work to Home Depot to buy the paint. I think I left work around 3:00pm. Now I’m at home, but I can’t talk on the phone now because my hands are dirty. Why don’t you come over? Okay, see you later!

[friend comes over]

Hi! Do you want to help me? There are paintbrushes somewhere. I bought them while I was at Home Depot. Ah, they’re on the table. Should I paint this wall? Sounds like a good idea. After I paint this wall I’ll paint that one. Oh wait a minute! I want to show you something! This is my new dress. I got it from a friend. I don’t remember if she bought it in New York or New Jersey. She chose purple because it’s my favorite color.

[they finish painting]

That was hard work but this color is prettier than the old color. I really like it! Thank you for the help!

My Translation:

Kinoo no yobidasu tsumori deshita demo isogashi sugimashita. Watashi no uchi o nutte imasu. Shigoto kara Home Depot made ikimashita peinto o kai ni ikimashita. Gogo sanji goro shigoto ni kaeru to omoimasu. Ima, uchi ni imasu kedo hanashiraremasu kara te wa fuketsu desu. Koko ni kimasen ka. Jaa mata ne!

[friend comes over]

Konnichi wa! Otetsukai shimashoo ka. Dokoka de efude ni arimasu. Jaa, taberu no ue ni arimasu. Kono hei o nutta hoo ga ii desu ne. Sore wa ii kangae desu. Kono hei nutte kara soko ni nurimasu.

Chotto matte! Nanika wa misetai. Kore wa watashi no atarashii duresu desu. Tomodachi ni moratta n desu. New York ni ka New Jersey ni ka katte oboete imasen. Murasaki ni shita kara watashi no ga ichiban suki desu.

[They finish painting]

Juuroodo deshita kedo kono iro no hoo ga desu. Daisuki desu! Arigato gozaimasu!

:love:
kuronekochan
 
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Re: can you help me?...again?

Postby NileCat » Sat 02.19.2011 2:41 am

1. Kinoo no yobidasu tsumori deshita demo isogashi sugimashita.
When you start a sentence with “yesterday,…”, you don’t need ‘no’ after kinou.
Kinou(,) hon o kaimashita. <Yesterday, I bought a book>
Kinou wa hon o kaimashita. <(As for) yesterday, I bought a book>

2. Watashi no uchi o nutte imasu.
Maybe, you might want to say "nuru tsumori deshita"?, which means "I was going to paint (but I couldn't do it yesterday)". OR, you just want to say "I'm painting now"?

3. Shigoto kara Home Depot made ikimashita peinto o kai ni ikimashita.
The difference of ‘work’ and ‘workplace’ is ambiguous in Japanese. In this case, you need to use ‘workplace’ instead of ‘work’.
If you put the word ‘ikimashita’ at the end of the sentence only, the whole sentence would sound more natural.

4. Gogo sanji goro shigoto ni kaeru to omoimasu.
Not ‘shigoto ni’ but ‘shigoto kara’. And use past-tense.

5. Ima, uchi ni imasu kedo hanashiraremasu kara te wa fuketsu desu.
There are three things you want to say, right? A)you’re at home B)but you can’t talk now C)because your hands are dirty. Try to put them in A-C-B order. The most important information here is B, right? Check out the usage of “kara” or “node”.
‘Fuketsu’ doesn’t sound right to me here for some reason. That might be because the paint itself is not dirty or unsanitary.

6. Koko ni kimasen ka. Jaa mata ne!
Fine. ‘Uchi ni’ is commonly used in this kind of situation, though.

7. Konnichi wa! Otetsukai shimashoo ka.
A typo. ‘Otetsudai’ is the right one. And it is not you who helps you, but she, right?

8. Dokoka de efude ni arimasu.
The first particle has to be ‘ni’ and the second is ‘ga’.
‘Efude’ is usually refers to paintbrushes only used for painting pictures. The brushes to paint walls are usually called “burashi” (or “hake”).

9. Jaa, taberu no ue ni arimasu.
I can’t follow the sudden change of the subject.

10. Kono hei o nutta hoo ga ii desu ne. Sore wa ii kangae desu. Kono hei nutte kara soko ni nurimasu.
As you might know, when you want to use demonstrative pronouns and related particles, the context is crucial. If you are a native speaker, your readers could imagine the possible conversation easily by reading only your responses. But it is kind of difficult to read your mind although your English version helps a lot. Do you know what I mean? For instance:
“Sounds like a good idea”
There are millions ways to translate it into natural Japanese, and I suspect it’s much the same for English. And I think there is no reason you have to spare a minute to provide information “What was the original remark for the reply?” even if the friend was only imaginary for him.
Oh, and check out the difference between ‘hei’ and ‘kabe’. Perhaps you’d find out that even the information “where are they standing at?” is essential for us.

11. Chotto matte! Nanika wa misetai.
Makes sense at least, but particle “o” is better. And “mite kudasai” would be better because your one would sound too blunt in this flow of the conversation.
We don’t use ‘nanika’ here. Use ‘kore’ or phrase it like ‘Mite hoshii mono ga arundesu”.

12. Kore wa watashi no atarashii duresu desu. Tomodachi ni moratta n desu.
Good.

13. New York ni ka New Jersey ni ka katte oboete imasen.
The proper use of the particles would be very challenging here. Ok? It should be “(kanojo ga) New York de katta no ka New Jersey de katta no ka wa oboete imasen”

14. Murasaki ni shita kara watashi no ga ichiban suki desu.
Another “kara/because” problem.

15. Juuroodo deshita kedo kono iro no hoo ga desu.
You seem to have forgotten to put the adjective “pretty”.
Your use of “kedo” here is fine. Try to think the “kara” in the same way of thinking.

16. Daisuki desu! Arigato gozaimasu!
Sounds good.

Good work. :)
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