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Japanese grammar check

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Japanese grammar check

Postby Bulgar » Thu 11.24.2005 4:40 pm

I decided to practice some grammar by writing a short dialogue between two (fictional) students named Rentaro and Isae. Can someone please check if the sentences are properly formed?

二人の学生は、「錬太郎」「功江」と毎に言う男と女は一緒に歩いている。

錬太郎: うーふ、僕の頭は痛い!
功江: 痛いか? 何は起こるか?
錬太郎: 僕は誰かを怒らして、壁に押し当てた。
功江: 誰が誰か?
錬太郎: ツヤと言う奴。
功江: 知っている。自呼号した「超化学名人」。真に、とても親切な人。
錬太郎: これは思わない。あのアホと話す時に、鉢巻が変だったと言って、彼が押し当てる。
功江: ツヤの何時も鉢巻について言わないはずです。固い話。
錬太郎: おうー。

Thanks in advance.
Bulgar
 
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RE: Japanese grammar check

Postby Harisenbon » Thu 11.24.2005 8:26 pm

Here are some corrections as I see them. I give no guarentee of the validity. ;) netarou or coco could probably help more.

功江: 痛いか? 何は起こるか?

This would be better served as 何で? or even 何が起こったの? I think
Also 痛いか has a nuance of "does it hurt?" as a retorical question when punching someone. Or maybe that's just me. It just brings the image of someone punching someone in the face and going "痛いか?!" Again, that just might be me.

錬太郎: 僕は誰かを怒らして、壁に押し当てた。

を needs to be に. 誰かに怒っている. ALso, the 誰かに here sounds very English. Usually, you would just say 怒ってる. In the second part, "I pushed a wall?" What do you want to say here?

知っている

ああ、彼知っている is more natural, I think.

自呼号した「超化学名人」。真に、とても親切な人。

What is 自呼号? I get the meaning from the kanji, but I haven't seen this word before. It doesn't show up in my dictionaries.
真に is really too formal for the conversation that is being had, I think. 本当に might be better.

これは思わない。あのアホと話す時に、鉢巻が変だったと言って、彼が押し当てる。

これは is strange そうと思わない would be better, I think.
Also, more than 話すとき, 話すと might be better, I think
I'm also having a little problem understanding what you're saying next.
"I said his headband was weird, and then he will push me." Your subjects need more clarification here, I think.

功江: ツヤの何時も鉢巻について言わないはずです。固い話。

I'm also a little off about this one "It shouldn't be the case that you talk about his usual headband?" What did you want to say here.
固い話 usually means to speak formally. I'm not quite sure how that fits here

錬太郎: おうー。

is this おうー supposed to be like the english "ohhhh." in that case, なるほど or something similar might be more appropriate, I think.

Hope that helps. Sorry I couldn't be of more assistance.
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RE: Japanese grammar check

Postby Bulgar » Thu 11.24.2005 9:52 pm

Thanks. Here is the revised text:

二人の学生は、「錬太郎」「功江」と毎に言う男と女は一緒に歩いている。

錬太郎: うーふ、僕の頭は痛い!
功江: 大変だよ! 何で起こったの?
錬太郎: 僕は誰かを怒らして、壁に押し当てられた。
功江: 誰が?
錬太郎: ツヤと言う奴。
功江: 彼知っている。自呼号した「超化学名人」。本当に、とても親切な人。
錬太郎: これが思わない。あのアホと話す時に、鉢巻が変だったと言って、彼が押し当てた。
功江: 何時も、ツヤの鉢巻について言わないはずです。固い話。
錬太郎: なるほど。
Last edited by Bulgar on Thu 11.24.2005 10:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: Japanese grammar check

Postby netarou » Fri 11.25.2005 12:59 am

二人の学生は、「錬太郎」と「功江」と毎に言う男と女は一緒に歩いている。
男女二人の学生、「錬太郎」と「功江」が一緒に歩いている。
or
「錬太郎」と「功江」という、男女二人の学生が一緒に歩いている。

錬太郎: うーふ、僕の頭は痛い!
うー、頭が痛い!

功江: 大変だよ! 何で起こったの?
それは大変!一体どうしたの?
「大変だよ」 sounds like "it's really hard to do something."

錬太郎: 僕は誰かを怒らして、壁に押し当てられた。
ある人を怒らせてしまって、壁にたたき付けられたんだよ。

功江: 誰が?
ある人?

錬太郎: ツヤと言う奴。
ツヤという奴だよ。

功江: 彼知っている。自呼号した「超化学名人」。本当に、とても親切な人。
彼のことなら知ってるわ。自称「超化学名人」。本当にとても親切な人よ。
自呼号???

錬太郎: これが思わない。あのアホと話す時に、鉢巻が変だったと言って、彼が押し当てた。
そうは思わないね。あのアホと話した時に、鉢巻が変だと言ったら、たたき付けられたんだから。

功江: 何時も、ツヤの鉢巻について言わないはずです。固い話。
ツヤの鉢巻に触れてはいけないのよ。
「触れる」 in this sentence means to refer to.
What do you try to say by putting 固い話 here?

錬太郎: なるほど。
そうだったのか。

この調子でがんばってね。
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RE: Japanese grammar check

Postby PCFAN » Fri 11.25.2005 3:19 am

Hi netarou,
Are there Japanese Grammar Check in Microsoft Office(like Microsoft Office in English) or any software? Please advice...
Thanks,
PCFAN
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RE: Japanese grammar check

Postby netarou » Sat 11.26.2005 10:54 am

Hi PCFAN.
MS Office has a feature to check ら抜き阜サ and so on.
For example, when you input 納豆を食べれる, Office will suggest to correct it to 納豆を食べられる.
But this feature is almost useless.
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RE: Japanese grammar check

Postby Harisenbon » Sat 11.26.2005 12:43 pm

I just want to second what netarou said. I always thought it would be great to use Japanese Word's spell/grammar check to fix my crappy grammar, but the feature is next to useless. It's really only good for checking politeness levels and spelling mistakes (which can often be easily caught by using the IME anyways).

However, the automatic greetings feature for writing letters is really freaking cool. =) I got to use it when I wrote my wedding invitations this year. It allows you to select among various phrases and structures depending on time of year, recipient, etc. Very nifty.
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