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Is this an okay translation?

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Is this an okay translation?

Postby Strawberry_Juice » Fri 01.06.2006 12:56 am

A group of friends and I have decided to sing (and- gulp -dance) to some random Japanese pop song for the Language Fair that's coming up in April. Everything's going fine, but the song has basically 2 English sentences, which repeat like this:

What can I do for you?
What can I do for you?
What can I do for you?
I can hear you.

According to the Language Fair rules, we've got to put those both in Japanese.
So would the following be acceptable?

Anata ni nani,
Nani wo dekiru?
Nani wo dekiru?
Kikemasu.

(because of the speed at which the words are spoken, that's the best we can fit it.)

Or would this be more appropriate-

Anata ni nani,
Nani dekiru no?
Nani dekiru no?
Kikemasu.

I happen to like the sound of the first one better (if it IS correct) just because it rhymes. Any help you can give is greatly appreciated.
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RE: Is this an okay translation?

Postby lomagu » Fri 01.06.2006 1:32 am

I think your translation sounds like, "what can I do to you". "what can I do for you" would be more like, 私に何かできることはありますか? (watashi ni nanika dekiru koto ha arimasu ka?) or 何をしましょうか?(nani o shimashou?) I don't know how you'd make it sound good for a song though.. sorry. Also, for "I can hear you" 聞こえます (kikoemasu) might be better. I think 聞けます is more like, I can listen to you... I guess it depends on the feeling you want in your song though. Maybe someone else has a better translation ;)
The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.☆-D.Adams
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