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雪の物語ーChapter 4

Translations of chapters from the story by our own richvh

雪の物語ーChapter 4

Postby pikctsach » Tue 02.27.2007 3:15 am

Hi,
after a long vacation.I want to back with a draft translation of chapter 4.
There are also question appeared while trying to translate this one.

Any comment are highly appreciated.

よろしくお願いします。
------------------

商人(あきんど)との出会(であ)い
Meeting with the Shopkeeper
ゆきはその大(おお)きな町(まち)を目指(めざ)して、道(みち)を歩(ある)き続(つづ)けました。しばらくして、日(ひ)が沈(しず)むところでした。ゆきはお腹(なか)がだんだん空(す)いてきました。すると、ゆきは何(なに)か漂(ただよ)っている美味(おい)しそうな匂(にお)いに気(き)がつきました。

Yuki is heading off for the big city, she is walking on the street. A short time later, the sun went down. Yuki was getting hungry. At that time, Yuki heard a delicious smell of something was lingering in the air.

「どこからあんな美味(おい)しそうな匂(にお)いがしてくるのかしら」とゆきは思(おも)いました。周(まわ)りを見回(みまわ)すと、道端(みちばた)に天幕(てんまく)が張(は)ってあるのを見(み)つけました。その天幕(てんまく)に近付(ちかづ)くと、その匂(にお)いが強(つよ)くなりました。

[Where is that smell coming from?] Yuki's thinking. Looking arround, she found an awning streching at the end of the street. Comming near to that awning, the smell was stronger. (The nearer Yuki came to the awning, the stronger the smell was)

天幕(てんまく)に着(つ)いた時(とき)、ゆきは天幕(てんまく)の後(うし)ろにいる呉服(ごふく)商人(あきんど)を見(み)つけました。その商人(あきんど)は夕食(ゆうしょく)を食(た)べるところでした。

when arriving the awning, yuki found a shopkeeper in a uniform. that person was having dinner.

「ごめんください」とゆきは商人(あきんど)に話(はな)しかけました。

[Excuseme] Yuki talked to the shopkeeper.

「どちらさまですか」と商人(あきんど)は尋(たず)ねました。

[Yes, who's that ] asked the shopkeeper.

「はい、ゆきと吹iもう)します。美味(おい)しそうな匂(にお)いに誘(さそ)われてまいりました」とゆきは答(こた)えました。

[Yes, my name's Yuki. I followed the delicous smell and arrived here ] answered Yuki.

「そうですか。かわいそうにお腹(なか)を空(す)かしているんですね。そうだ。お茶(ちゃ)を入(い)れてくれませんか。一緒(いっしょ)に食(た)べましょう」と商人(あきんど)は言(い)いました。

[Really, you seem hungry. Ah, Can you help with pouring tea? We will have dinner together] said the shopkeeper.

「ありがとうございます」とゆきは答(こた)えました。

[Thank you] answered Yuki.

それから、ゆきは湯(ゆ)を沸(わ)かして、お茶(ちゃ)を茶道(さどう)で入(い)れました。

after that, Yuki boiled the water, put sugar into the tea.

商人(あきんど)は、「確(たし)かに良(よ)いお茶(ちゃ)を使(つか)ってはいるのですが、それでも元(もと)の味(あじ)を忘(わす)れてしまうほどのお点前(てまえ)でした。そんな上手(じょうず)な茶道(さどう)を、大(おお)きな町(まち)以外(いがい)で見(み)るとは思(おも)いませんでした」と、驚(おどろ)きました。「どちらでそういうことを習(なら)いましたか」

The shopkeeper said [Definitely, even though the good tea is used, that tea ceremony etiquette help forgetting the original taste. I didn't think that I can see such a skillful tea ceremony etiquette outside of big cities ] and he was supprised. Then he asked [where did you learn that?]

This sentence is hard to translate :@


「祖母(そぼ)が教(おし)えてくれました」とゆきは答(こた)えました。

[My grandmother taught me] answered Yuki.

「あなたのような美(うつく)しく、美味(おい)しいお茶(ちゃ)を入(い)れ、上手(じょうず)な茶道(さどう)をする娘(むすめ)さんには、絹布(けんぷ)の着物(きもの)が似合(にあ)います。ちょうど、綺麗(きれい)な絹布(けんぷ)の着物(きもの)がございます」と商人(あきんど)は言(い)いました。

[There is a silk kimono which suit such a girl who is beautiful, can make delicious tea and good at tea ceremony like you. Just at the right time, this is the beautiful silk kimono] said the shopkeeper.

「そうですか。そういったものを今(いま)まで着(き)たことがありませんでした。ぜひ、着(き)てみたいのですが、お金(かね)がありません」と、ゆきが残念(ざんねん)がっていると、旅(たび)の途中(とちゅう)で漁師(りょうし)からもらった真珠貝(しんじゅがい)のことを思(おも)い出(だ)しました。ゆきは袖(そで)の中(なか)の真珠(しんじゅ)を出(だ)しながら、「これと引(ひ)き換(か)えていただけませんか」と言(い)いました。

[Oh, really. Untill now I haven't tried a thing like that. And I really want to try it, but I have no money] said Yuki in sorrow. At that time, she remember about the pearls received from the fisher man on the trip. [Can I give these in return?] said Yuki while she's pulling the pearls from her sleeve.

「これほど大(おお)きな真珠(しんじゅ)を今(いま)まで見(み)たことがありません」と商人(あきんど)は言(い)いました。「その真珠(しんじゅ)と一粒(ひとつぶ)引き換(ひきか)えに、私(わたし)の一番(いちばん)綺麗(きれい)な絹布(けんぷ)の着物(きもの)を差(さ)し上(あ)げます」

[I have never seen a pearl as big as this one] said the shopkeeper. [To exchange for one pearl, I will give you the most beautiful silk kimono of mine]

「これほど綺麗(きれい)な着物(きもの)を旅路(たびじ)で着(き)ることはできません。きっと汚(よご)してしまうでしょうから、もしよろしければ、包(つつ)んでくださいませんか」とゆきはお願(ねが)いしました。

[I can not wear such a beautiful kimono like this on my long journey. I will make it dirty, if you dont mind, could you please wrap it for me? ] said Yuki.

「はい、もちろんですとも。ありがとうございます」し商人(あきんど)は言(い)って、ゆきから真珠(しんじゅ)をもらい、一番(いちばん)綺麗(きれい)な着物(きもの)を包(つつ)んでゆきに渡(わた)しました。

[Ofcourse. And Thank you] said the shopkeeper. Then the shop keeper recieve the pearl from Yuki and give the most beautiful kimono to her.
もちろんですとも
I have never seen ですとも before. Why it was used here?


「どうしてあなたのような美(うつく)しいお嬢(じょう)さんが、このような道(みち)を一人(ひとり)で旅(たび)しているのですか」と商人(あきんど)は聞(き)きました。

[Why do you take this trip alone, young beautiful lady?] asked the shopkeeper.

「幸(しあわ)せを探(さが)すために大(おお)きな町(まち)に行(い)くところなのです」とゆきは答(こた)えました。

[I'm on the way to looking for the happiness at big cities] Yuki answered.

「そうですか。でも、この道(みち)を一人(ひとり)で旅(たび)するのは危険(きけん)ですよ。今夜(こんや)私(わたし)のそばで寝(ね)た方(ほう)がいいでしょう。そうすれば、ここで私(わたし)が護衛(ごえい)をすることができますから。私(わたし)は、明日(あした)、発(た)ちますが、大(おお)きな町(まち)の方(ほう)へは行(い)きません」と商人(あきんど)が言(い)いました。

[Oh, really. But travelling alone is dangerous. You should take a sleep at my place this evening. If you do that (sleep at my place), I can guard you. When tomorrow comes, I won't go to the big city ] said the shopkeeper.

「ありがとうございます。では、お言葉(ことば)に甘(あま)えて、今夜(こんや)ここで寝(ね)させていただきます」とゆきは答(こた)えて、持(も)っていた布(ぬの)を地面(じめん)に広(ひろ)げ始(はじ)めました。

[Thank you for your kind offer. I will sleep here this evening] said Yuki. Then she passed the rag which she was bringing along with her on the ground.

「地面(じめん)で寝(ね)るのはかわいそうだ。私(わたし)の天幕(てんまく)で寝(ね)てもかまいませんよ。そこの垂(た)れ幕(まく)で仕切(しき)りますから、ご安心(あんしん)なさい」と商人(あきんど)が言(い)いました。

[I think sleeping on the ground is bad. You can sleep at my awning. There were partitioned by a hanging curtain, so you dont have to worried] said the shopkeeper.

「はい。では、そうさせていただきます」とゆきは答(こた)えました。布(ぬの)を開(ひら)いたとき、一冊(いっさつ)の本(ほん)が落(お)ちました。

[Yes. I will sleep there] answered Yuki. When she was openning the rag, a book dropped.

「それは何(なん)ですか」と商人(あきんど)は聞(き)きました。

[What's that?] the shopkeeper asked.

「家系図(かけいず)です。私(わたし)は家族(かぞく)の最後(さいご)の子孫(しそん)なので、他(ほか)に誰(だれ)も受(う)け継(つ)ぐ人(ひと)がいません」とゆきは答(こた)えました。

[It's the family tree. Because I am the last child of my family, there aren't any other hier] answered Yuki.
Last edited by pikctsach on Tue 02.27.2007 7:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: 雪の物語ーChapter 4

Postby richvh » Tue 02.27.2007 9:39 am

商人(あきんど)は、「確(たし)かに良(よ)いお茶(ちゃ)を使(つか)ってはいるのですが、それでも元(もと)の味(あじ)を忘(わす)れてしまうほどのお点前(てまえ)でした。そんな上手(じょうず)な茶道(さどう)を、大(おお)きな町(まち)以外(いがい)で見(み)るとは思(おも)いませんでした」と、驚(おどろ)きました。「どちらでそういうことを習(なら)いましたか」

The shopkeeper said [Definitely, even though the good tea is used, that tea ceremony etiquette help forgetting the original taste. I didn't think that I can see such a skillful tea ceremony etiquette outside of big cities ] and he was supprised. Then he asked [where did you learn that?]

This sentence is hard to translate

That sentence certainly went through considerable revision. The intended meaning is something like the following:

"Even though the tea is certainly very good, the tea ceremony was such that it made me forget the flavor. I didn't think I would see such a skillful tea ceremony outside of a big city," the merchant said with surprise. "Where did you learn it?"

もちろんですとも
I have never seen ですとも before. Why it was used here?

I really don't know; it's something Kohyin used in her rewrite of the chapter and which I reused. Since furin hasn't suggested changing it, I imagine it's something natural for a merchant to say in that context.
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RE: 雪の物語ーChapter 4

Postby Lego » Wed 06.13.2007 7:40 am

this chapter is really long, so the translation is taking very much time...
I'm happy as I'm going much more smoothly, compared to the previous chapters. There are, however, a lot of obscure points :|
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RE: 雪の物語ーChapter 4

Postby richvh » Wed 06.13.2007 4:37 pm

がんばって!
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RE: 雪の物語ーChapter 4

Postby Lego » Thu 06.14.2007 6:11 am

uff, finished!
The ending makes my wonder if Yuki has some legacy waiting for her somewhere... considering her luck she may be a princess or something :P
Also, this is the first time that Yuki isn't alone between to chapters... I hope nothing bad happens in that tent ;)
I'm a bit tired now, tomorrow I'll try harder to fill all those (?)


4. The encounter with the shopkeeper

Heading toward the capital, Yuki continued to walk on the street.
Some time later, the sun dawned. Yuki's stomach was empty.
At some point, yuki smelled a delicious smell in the air.
"I wonder from where this delicious smell is coming" thought Yuki.
Looking around, she found a tent on the side of the road. As she approached the tent, the smell grew stronger. When she reached it, Yuki found a merchant of dry goods on the back of the tent.
The merchant was eating dinner.
"Excuse me" Yuki began to speak to the merchant.
"Who is it?" asked the merchant.
"Yes, I'm called Yuki. I was invited by the delicious smell" Yuki answered.
"Ok. (?) You're hungry, right? Yes. Can you pour the tea? We'll eat together" said the merchant.
"Thank you very much" answered yuki.
Then Yuki boiled the water and poured the tea according to the tea ceremony.
(?)
I think I've never seen a so skillful tea ceremony, except for the capital" said surprised the merchant.
"Where did you learn it?"
"My granny thaught me" answered Yuki.
"This silk kimono is perfect for a beautiful girl who can make such a delicious tea and is so skillful with the tea ceremony. (?) " said the merchant.
"Really? I've never worn such a thing. By all means, I'd like to wear it, but I don't have the money" thought regretfully Yuki, but then remebered of the pearls received from the fisherman.
Yuki took the pearls from the sleave, while saying: "Would you like to exchange with these?"
"I've never seen pearls so big before" said the merchant.
"For one of those pearls, Ill give you my most beautiful silk kimono."
"I can't wear such a beautiful kimono on my journey. It will surely get dirty, can you wrap it, please?" asked Yuki.
"Yes of course. Thank you very much" said the shopkeeper, and then received the pearl from Yuki and wrapped for her the most beautiful kimono.
"Why is a girl beautiful as you travelling alone on a road such as this?" asked the merchant.
"I'm going to the capital to look for fortune" answered Yuki.
"I unserstand. However, travelling alone on this road is dangerous. It's good if this evening you sleep in my tent. This way I can guard you. However tomorrow I won't go to the capital" said the merchant.
"Thank you. Then, (?), I'll sleep here tonight" answered Yuki, while beginning to spread a cloth she was carrying on the ground.
"Sleeping on the ground is not good. You should sleep in my tent. As it is divided by this courtain, don't worry" said the shopkeeper.
"Yes. Then (?) " answered Yuki.
When she opened the cloth, a book fell.
"What's that?" asked the merchant.
"It's my family tree. As I'm the last descendant of my family, there isn't any other heir anywhere" answered Yuki.
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RE: 雪の物語ーChapter 4

Postby ColinDC » Thu 01.17.2008 2:58 am

I really like the story so far, It's the first Japanese writing I've ever really enjoyed reading despite needing to look up every single kanji and word 3,000 times.

Though this sentence really messed me up:
ゆきは都を目指して旅を続けました。歩き通しだったので、日が沈む頃になるとお腹が減り始めました。ふと足を止止めると、ゆきは美味しそうな匂いが辺りに漂っていることに気がつきした。

See the two 止's? I was trying so hard to figure out how to pronounce this... :o

The copies of the chapter posted in the forum only have one 止, but the files one your website have two! Is this a typo or have I gone insane.

Now that I've posted in this thread I feel obliged to post my translation, so I'll return after reading the rest of this chapter tomorrow...

EDIT:
That was a long chapter, I wasn't sure I'd be able to read the whole thing!
Aiming for the capitol, Yuki continued her journey. While she was walking the sun went low in the sky, and her belly started to feel empty. Suddenly she stopped walking as she noticed a delicious scent in the air.

"I wonder where that delicious scent is coming from?" Yuki thought. Looking about she found a tent streched out on the side of the road. The closer she got to the tent, the stronger the scent grew.

Arriving at the tent, Yuki found a cloth merchant behind it preparing his dinner.

"Please excuse me" Yuki said to the merchant.

"Who is it?" Asked the merchant.

"Here, My name is Yuki. That invitingly delicious smell brought me here" Yuki answered.

"That so? You look pretty hungry. Well then, won't you pour the tea? Let's eat together" said the merchant.

"Thank you very much" replied Yuki.

And so Yuki boiled the water and began the tea ceremony.

(I had to look at the forum post to translate this part)
"The tea used is certainly good, but your degree of skill with the tea ceremony made me completely forget its flavor. I've never seen such a wonderful tea ceremony except for in the capitol" said the merchant in suprise. "Where did you learn this?"

"My grandmother taught me" replied Yuki.

"A young woman as beatiful as you, and so skilled at making delicios tea at the tea ceremony would look perfect in a silk kimono I think. Just here I have a kimono made out of fine silk" said the merchant

"Really? Up until now I've never worn such a thing. Certainly I've wanted to try but I have no money" answered Yuki while lowering her head, remembering the shellfishes she had received from the fisherman during her journey. Pulling the pearl from her pocket Yuki said "though I could exchange this..."

"I've never seen such a large pearl before" said the merchant. "In exchange for one of those pearls I could give you my most beatiful silk kimono"

"I cannot wear such a beatiful kimono while travelling. Since It would surely get dirty would you be so kind as to wrap it?" Yuki asked.

"Yes, of course! Thank you very much" said the merchant. He then received the pearl from Yuki, and wrapped up his most beatiful kimono before giving it to Yuki.

"What's a beatiful girl like you doing in a place like this all alone?" asked the merchant.

"In order to find happiness I am travelling to the capitol" answered Yuki.

"I see, but this road is very dangerous to travel alone. Maybe it would be best if you slept with me tonight. That way I could gaurd this place. Then in the morning I would leave as I am not heading towards the capitol" said the merchant.

"Thank you very much. Then, I will take you up on your kind offer" replied Yuki, beginning to spread out a cloth she was carrying on the ground.

"The ground is a poor place to sleep, won't you sleep in my tent . Inside there is a hanging cloth seperating the two sides, so be at ease" said the merchant.

"Then I will accept" said Yuki. A book had dropped out from her opened cloth.

"What's that?" asked the merchant.

"A family tree. I am the last descendant so there are no other heirs" answered Yuki.
Last edited by ColinDC on Thu 01.17.2008 11:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: 雪の物語ーChapter 4

Postby richvh » Thu 01.17.2008 7:37 am

It's a typo. I had one 止 inside the ruby markup, and one following it...
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