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Relationships

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Relationships

Postby StarvingMusician » Thu 09.20.2007 3:47 pm

Ever been to the point, when you lost feeling for your significant other? I still like my girlfriend, but I can't say the word 'I love you' anymore. We haven't been able to see eachother often. It's barely once a week if I do see her. I'm going to perservere though, even if she just feels like a friend. I want to believe things will change.

Anyone else..., advice, comments, want to vent?
"If we've only got one try, if we've only got one life. If time, was never on our side. Well before I die, I wanna burn out bright."
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RE: Relationships

Postby SenescenceReign » Thu 09.20.2007 4:09 pm

Let me start by saying, this is all my opinion and I'm not pushing it on anyone.

Now, I've been told that sort of thing can happen; where a person who felt love once for someone, now can only use 'like', and eventually a word not even that strong. However, I, in my infinite niavete, have only had one relationship in my life. It is going on seven years old, and is stronger than ever. In my limited and blessed experience, I must say that I can't imagine a time when I wasn't in love, or when that love waned. There were rocky parts, yes, but never a question about how I felt. Since I have only this limited experience, I'm one of those people who believes that, at least for me, there's love and then there's love. The difference being that the latter of the two is reserved for people who aren't really in love and don't know the difference.

Still, either way, love does take working at. By which I don't mean that you have to work to love someone, but you do have to work at staying close enough that you never let go of that, that you never forget. I think that even in true love situations, you can forget how much you love your significant other. Sometimes it's not a matter of whether you're happy or not, but a matter of stepping back, doing something together, and remembering what it's like to be in love. My S.O. and I frequently play video games and watch old movies; our interests give us something to do together, and doing things together gives us time to talk, to play (ticklefights are the best), or just look at one another.

If I were to give advice, which I'd like to avoid in this situation, but if I were, I would just suggest that you step back, stand with the person you love, and remember why you felt that love in the first place. People may change, but (in my twenty-one short years of life) they rarely change enough that they lose the beautiful things inside of them. (And if they do... well, that's a whole 'nother matter entirely.)
/relurk
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RE: Relationships

Postby stevie » Thu 09.20.2007 4:43 pm

I'm not sure about advice here - but given my experiences with a previous love of mine (now lost, but not regrettably so), I think the very best thing you can do is be honest with yourself; because if you can't be honest with yourself then you can't be honest with your significant other either.

Listen to your heart, but give your head room to chip in as well. It's probably worth considering how long you've felt this way for, how long you've been concious of a declining feeling, and what might have changed in either you, your significant other, or in your environment, to cause this change. Just think about things along those lines. It seems a bit cold to analyse it like that I guess (and is unfortunately a lot easier to do after the fact), but you might come up with the answers you need to either go about fixing what is wrong - even if the solution is ending the relationship.

I don't know your situation really - I've been in situations like it but everyone's story is different. I have a situation with my girlfriend a little like that now; a huge change in circumstances, a sudden geographical distance spanning about ten timezones, and a schedule so busy (on both our parts) that even when the time difference allows, we hardly get to talk. Naturally the way we communicate and the way we think and feel about each other is changing, rapidly. But on a deeper level we are both still drawn to each other like crazy. For now, it's still too good to give up. If someone else entered the picture for either of us though, then who knows what the outcome would be (yeah, we've both realised the very real possibility of this).
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RE: Relationships

Postby SenescenceReign » Fri 09.21.2007 1:02 pm

The difference between a man and a woman, or the difference between situations? ;)
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RE: Relationships

Postby StarvingMusician » Tue 09.25.2007 4:41 am

Thank you for sharing. I'm very glad in my heart to say, that I decided to spend time with my girlfriend. My feelings for her were realized again. I'll remember to take a step back and look at the big picture.
"If we've only got one try, if we've only got one life. If time, was never on our side. Well before I die, I wanna burn out bright."
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RE: Relationships

Postby Machina Maw » Tue 09.25.2007 7:25 am

Even though this discussion seems prettymuch closed, I'd like to have my say anyway. To vent. Feel free to ignore this. :)

I am not an emotional person, so much so that I have to use air quotes and sarcastic tones when I say a word like "feelings", "emotions", "love", "depression", "hurt" or anything like that out loud.

I think that this part of my personality has been further enforced by the fact that I fell for someone at a very young age for that kind of thing (13 - 14). Needless to say, it didn't work out, because I was too young and unprepared for a serious relationship (the boy was older than I).

I'm just not a relationship kind of person.

Okay, venting done. :)
Last edited by Machina Maw on Tue 09.25.2007 7:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: Relationships

Postby Kagemaru » Tue 09.25.2007 8:01 am

This is going to sound extremely condescending, but what the hell....

Kids talking about love?

Get out, break it off, enjoy yourself, live it up!

Be thankful that you even have a chance to split cleanly.

This doesn't mean throw it all away and give it up, but get a hold of yourself man!

Imagine adding to your woes there children, mortgages, assets to divide and the like, and you'll soon see what kind of jail you really live in then...
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RE: Relationships

Postby ss » Thu 09.27.2007 8:58 pm

I suppose there are differences between 东方文化价值观 and 西方文化价值观.

Lower secondary (maybe age 12 - 17) is not the right time to start steady relationships. You are just not ready. Emotions tend to run high and teens don’t usually know how to react. Someone pursued you and you gave him/her no encouragement and support so he/she walked off. What might have been a good relationship was slipped away. The teen years are a time when young people do not really understand a healthy relationship.

Of course, there is exceptional case. I recollected the scene from at least 15 years ago, one of my best friends, fell in love with a girl one year younger than him, with much encouragements from a bunch of silly monkeys (mischievous us), he really dated the girl and confessed his admiration to her! Miracles happened, they just clicked …. After graduated from university, they went to London to further pursue their studies. Two years later they came back and got married. After such a wonderful marathon romance, he has now a very successful business and lives happily with his wife and a little sweetie. Anyway, I feel happy for him and I’m glad that he and his wife will call me out for a high tea whenever they think of me ^_^

However, I’ve always thought that teen years are fantastic years not to waste. It is fine to make as many friends as you like, and a simple friendship doesn’t necessarily have to be developed into an exclusive relationship, if you are not ready for it. And remember --- we may be growing up and facing many changes in our life, our parents are also going through the new experience of bringing up a teen. In my family culture, we are not encouraged to go steady at such young age. Thus, assuming you are at teen years, just be good and don’t abuse the freedom that they give you.
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RE: Relationships

Postby prep_girl_Nessa » Thu 09.27.2007 9:04 pm

Kagemaru wrote:
This is going to sound extremely condescending, but what the hell....

Kids talking about love?

Get out, break it off, enjoy yourself, live it up!

Be thankful that you even have a chance to split cleanly.

This doesn't mean throw it all away and give it up, but get a hold of yourself man!

Imagine adding to your woes there children, mortgages, assets to divide and the like, and you'll soon see what kind of jail you really live in then...


Agreed. My younger brother, who's still a freshman in highschool, is obssessed with his girlfriend. They're both like, "Aw I love you." B/s. :P They're 15, they definitely don't know about love yet.

Hell, I'm 19 and I still have no idea what's going on...
- Harumi Nessa - 熱砂 春美(Just kidding ^_^'')
'Do you know what it feels like, loving someone who's in a rush to throw you away?
Do you know what it feels like, to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?
' - Enrique Iglesias <3
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RE: Relationships

Postby Feba » Thu 09.27.2007 10:12 pm

I never understood why people think "Young people don't know what love is. I'm (INSERT AGE HERE), and I still don't get it!"


That's like saying "I've never been shot. How could a young person get shot?", or "I can't name all 50 states and their capitals. How could a three year old do it?" (My cousin did, btw)

Just because something hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen to other people ;)

Really, given that love is different to every person, nobody has a right to say someone else is or isn't in love with someone else. You have a right to say it's a bad idea, however :D
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RE: Relationships

Postby Hijiku » Fri 09.28.2007 8:41 am

I have PLENTY to say on this subject. but for many reasons, i can't. those who know me will agree. ;) but if you ppl REALLY want to know, i'll tell ya.
your life is meaningless, like a glow-stick.

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RE: Relationships

Postby keatonatron » Fri 09.28.2007 12:55 pm

I know and agree.
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RE: Relationships

Postby two_heads_talking » Fri 09.28.2007 1:52 pm

StarvingMusician wrote:
Ever been to the point, when you lost feeling for your significant other? I still like my girlfriend, but I can't say the word 'I love you' anymore. We haven't been able to see eachother often. It's barely once a week if I do see her. I'm going to perservere though, even if she just feels like a friend. I want to believe things will change.

Anyone else..., advice, comments, want to vent?


could be that "love" might have been infatuation and without the ability to "communicate" or to "show" it more fully, I am not talking specifically of sex either, feelings will degrade. Ever wonder why the 7 year itch is such a hurdle for most marriages? People get into a rut, and never give time to each other. I don't care how caring a person you are, if you don't see each other over time, other things become more important.

Look and see what attracted the two of you in the first place. Do you still have those feelings? does your significant other? if not, it's time to move on. If so, take some time out to reaquaint yourselves by going on a date.

I know with my wife and I, we try to have a weekly date where just the two of us can get together, talk and discuss things without having the "daily" interruptions and "catastrophes" that tend to happen. one on one time is important, if even just to tell each other how much you appreciate the other. conversation and communication or the lack thereof will determine where a relationship will go.
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RE: Relationships

Postby Haomaru » Fri 09.28.2007 6:57 pm

Feba wrote:
I never understood why people think "Young people don't know what love is. I'm (INSERT AGE HERE), and I still don't get it!"


That's like saying "I've never been shot. How could a young person get shot?", or "I can't name all 50 states and their capitals. How could a three year old do it?" (My cousin did, btw)

Just because something hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen to other people ;)

Really, given that love is different to every person, nobody has a right to say someone else is or isn't in love with someone else. You have a right to say it's a bad idea, however :D


I don't think itz impossible for young people to be in love, I just hink it is improbable. In general, most young people do not have the experiences in their past to reflect upon to make them appreciate love even if they do experience it. At the same time, there will always be those who are wise beyond their years. In the end age is only a number. As far as my feelings on love...it's all or nothing. Those of you who have had your heart ripped out should be able to appreciate what I'm saying here. The hardest part is putting it all into that one person, and trusting they won't misuse it.
hope my words arent too somber :D just a rough subject for me i guess :P
Last edited by Haomaru on Fri 09.28.2007 7:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: Relationships

Postby prep_girl_Nessa » Fri 09.28.2007 7:07 pm

Do you equate being in love as being similar to being shot or naming the 50 states? Then you clearly, no matter what your age, still don't understand.

I hope I don't sound condescending. Like I said, I don't really understand love either. :p
Last edited by prep_girl_Nessa on Fri 09.28.2007 7:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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'Do you know what it feels like, loving someone who's in a rush to throw you away?
Do you know what it feels like, to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?
' - Enrique Iglesias <3
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