Writing a letter in Japanese

[pubju]

Ok, I have written my letter... here it is.. bear in mind, this letter is a patchwork of my previous BASIC knowledge of japanese + words from the dictionary + phrases I picked up online / forums .etc

I know there are probably many mistakes, this is just a draft really

(written in romanji because I find it easier when working with large blocks of text. A wall of hiragana is very difficult to work with...)

----
Konnichi wa

Sumimasen. Gobusata shite orimasu.

Ikaga osugoshi desu ka?

Tokorode, senshuu wa sugoi desu yo! Watashi wa Suiyoubi Busu de Manchester ni ikimashita. Manchester Mall ni kaimonoshimashita. Shinbun to Video game wo kaimashita. Kono videogame wa ‘ju yon’ poundo shimashita.Takai desu yo, demo videogame wa daisuki desu. katte yokatta.… Atode eiga no ‘Spiderman’ o mimashita. Chotto Bo-ringu desu.

Kinyoubi wa watashi no kuruma de London ni ikimashita. Fireworks wo mimashita. Omoshiro to sugoi desu yo. Atode bangohan wa Pub ni ikimashita. Fish and Chips wo tabemashita. Biru wo nomimashita.

Anata no senshuu wa nani wo shimashita ka?

Ohenji omachi shite orimasu.



What I meant:
--------------

Good Afternoon.

Sorry, I havn’t written to you for a while.

How are you feeling?

Anyway, last week was amazing. On Wednesday I went to Manchester on the Bus. I went shopping in a Manchester Mall. I bought a Newspaper and a Video Game. The videogame was 40 pounds. Expensive, but I love video games. It was worth it. Later, I watched the Spiderman movie. It was a little boring.

On Thursday I went to London in my car. I watched the fireworks. They were interesting and amazing. Later, I went to a pub for dinner. I ate Fish and Chips. I drank Beer.

What did you do last week?

I look forward to your reply.

[chikara]

I'm certainly no expert on particles but;

Kinyoubi wa watashi no kuruma de London ni ikimashita
Kinyoubi, watashi no kuruma de London ni ikimashita

Atode bangohan wa Pub ni ikimashita.
Atode bangohan ga Pub ni ikimashita.

Maybe.

[Yudan Taiteki]

Both "wa"'s are correct; the deletion of the "wa" in the first example is an acceptable alternative, but "ga" in the second place is wrong (it means the dinner went to the pub).

[chikara]

Dang

[Hyperworm]

Hah, it amuses me when people forget to write the long vowel in biiru

Since we're talking about "wa",
>Anata no senshuu wa nani wo shimashita ka?
"Anata no senshuu" feels wrong to me somehow. I'd be tempted to mark "anata" with "wa", because we've just been talking about what "watashi" did last week, and now we want to know "Never mind what I did; as for you, what did you do last week?"
I don't think we want to contrast "last week" with anything. Besides, we were just talking about "last week", so do we really want to say "As for last week..."? That topic's already been established. So I'm thinking "senshuu" would be better without a particle at all.

My guess would be on "Anata wa senshuu nani wo shimashita ka?"

Does this sound natural, or am I way off?

[pubju]

So generally it is understandable? Obviously it could be better, but i dont want it to be too complicated as im only new to the language

[chikara]

pubju wrote:
So generally it is understandable?...

Except for the part where you drank the building

[AJBryant]

I've been to a few breweries -- drinking the whole building would be.... well, a fun prospect.

Tony

[pubju]

Hyperworm wrote:
Hah, it amuses me when people forget to write the long vowel in biiru

Since we're talking about "wa",
>Anata no senshuu wa nani wo shimashita ka?
"Anata no senshuu" feels wrong to me somehow. I'd be tempted to mark "anata" with "wa", because we've just been talking about what "watashi" did last week, and now we want to know "Never mind what I did; as for you, what did you do last week?"
I don't think we want to contrast "last week" with anything. Besides, we were just talking about "last week", so do we really want to say "As for last week..."? That topic's already been established. So I'm thinking "senshuu" would be better without a particle at all.

My guess would be on "Anata wa senshuu nani wo shimashita ka?"

Does this sound natural, or am I way off?

that sounds better I think ^^