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A descriptive paragraph about my day

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A descriptive paragraph about my day

Postby Mr.Paper » Thu 09.17.2009 6:17 pm

kyou wa sugokatta na! kono asa ga mezamete, toshokan ni itte, shukudai o shite, ga soshite sugu ni tabemono o tabeta. ato de sono, ore wa ore no heya ni itta ga subete no hi nihongo o benkyoushita na.
soshite ore wa nihon no rekishi ni tsu ite o yonda na. nihon no rekishi ga totemo omoshiroi.

Today was a great day! i woke up this morning, went to the library, did my homework, and then I ate some food. After all that, I went to my room and studied Japanese all day. Also, I read about Japan's history. Japan's history is very interesting.
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Re: A descriptive paragraph about my day

Postby furrykef » Thu 09.17.2009 6:51 pm

Why do you use "na" so often? The way you use it doesn't seem to have any meaning at all.

Mr.Paper wrote:shukudai o shite, ga soshite sugu ni tabemono o tabeta.


I don't know why you put the "ga" there; it's not necessary. But if it were, the comma would also go after the "ga", not before it.

ato de sono, ore wa ore no heya ni itta ga subete no hi nihongo o benkyoushita na.


There's no reason to say "ore wa", since the listener already knows you're still talking about yourself. I'm also not sure this is really an appropriate time to use "ore" (as opposed to "boku" or "watashi") in the first place.

"Itte" might be better than "itta ga", but perhaps somebody more experienced than me should comment on that...

soshite ore wa nihon no rekishi ni tsu ite o yonda na.


Again, the "ore wa" is unnecessary.

I would spell "tsuite" as one word. Furthermore, it never takes particles like "o"; just say "nihongo no rekishi ni tsuite yonda".

nihon no rekishi ga totemo omoshiroi.


You need to use "wa" instead of "ga" there, or, perhaps better, just shorten the sentence to "Totemo omoshiroi." I'll explain why "wa" instead of "ga" anyway, though, since it can be applied to many situations.

The choice between "wa" and "ga" can be seen as answering a question, even if it's a question that wasn't actually asked. For example, "Nihon no rekishi ga totemo omoshiroi" would be the answer to a question such as, "Nani ga omoshiroi?" So you're basically saying, "I read about Japanese history. What's interesting? Japanese history is interesting." That doesn't really sound right; the question "what's interesting" has nothing to do with what came before it, so it makes no sense to answer it.

"Nihongo no rekishi wa totemo omoshiroi", on the other hand, answers a question such as, "Nihongo no rekishi wa dou omou?" ("What do you think of Japanese history?") So then it becomes, "I read about Japanese history. What's it like? I think it's interesting." This makes much more sense.

The easiest way to think of it is, "ga" answers questions posed with words such as "nani ga", "dare ga", etc., whereas "blah blah blah wa" answers a question that begins with the same "blah blah blah wa".

I'm still a beginner myself, so there may be other issues that I haven't caught. I don't think it's a bad try, though. :)

- Kef
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Re: A descriptive paragraph about my day

Postby Sairana » Thu 09.17.2009 7:19 pm

There's a bunch of things that I can spot as sounding odd, but can't really manage to correct them too well. But here's a couple:

kono asa --> kesa (this morning)

ato de sono --> sono can't be used for "that" in this instance. ato de by itself is sufficient.

subete no hi --> doesn't sound right. I'd think ichi nichi juu would be more appropriate, except you didn't study all day, you studied for the rest of the day from lunchtime on. I'm not sure how best to express that.

Use of ore by students always makes me think of someone who wants to be "different" or "unique" because it's the cool thing to do, not because it particularly suits them or comes naturally. A Japanese person might think you're either just bad at Japanese or an anime fanboy. Ultimately, it's not wrong to use ore, but you're going to be stereotyped for it.
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Re: A descriptive paragraph about my day

Postby furrykef » Thu 09.17.2009 7:32 pm

Sairana wrote:kono asa --> kesa (this morning)


Argh! I meant to mention that one, but forgot. :(

The same principle applies to other times of the day: you have to use special forms to say "this [time of day]". You can't say "kono ban", but you can say "konban"; you can't say "kono yoru", but you can say "kon'ya", etc.
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Re: A descriptive paragraph about my day

Postby Mr.Paper » Fri 09.18.2009 5:10 pm

Sairana wrote:
Use of ore by students always makes me think of someone who wants to be "different" or "unique" because it's the cool thing to do, not because it particularly suits them or comes naturally. A Japanese person might think you're either just bad at Japanese or an anime fanboy. Ultimately, it's not wrong to use ore, but you're going to be stereotyped for it.


Ore is the informal use of I for males. I am writing an informal paragraph because I'm not talking to anyone. Its a journal entry about my day. Using ore is the appropiate thing to do when in informal situations. I thought you knew that since you are smart. BTW not an anime fanboy. Anime is annoying. So its not "cool", its the informal I (male).
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Re: A descriptive paragraph about my day

Postby Mr.Paper » Fri 09.18.2009 5:12 pm

furrykef wrote:Why do you use "na" so often? The way you use it doesn't seem to have any meaning at all.

Mr.Paper wrote:shukudai o shite, ga soshite sugu ni tabemono o tabeta.


I don't know why you put the "ga" there; it's not necessary. But if it were, the comma would also go after the "ga", not before it.

ato de sono, ore wa ore no heya ni itta ga subete no hi nihongo o benkyoushita na.


There's no reason to say "ore wa", since the listener already knows you're still talking about yourself. I'm also not sure this is really an appropriate time to use "ore" (as opposed to "boku" or "watashi") in the first place.

"Itte" might be better than "itta ga", but perhaps somebody more experienced than me should comment on that...

soshite ore wa nihon no rekishi ni tsu ite o yonda na.


Again, the "ore wa" is unnecessary.

I would spell "tsuite" as one word. Furthermore, it never takes particles like "o"; just say "nihongo no rekishi ni tsuite yonda".

nihon no rekishi ga totemo omoshiroi.


You need to use "wa" instead of "ga" there, or, perhaps better, just shorten the sentence to "Totemo omoshiroi." I'll explain why "wa" instead of "ga" anyway, though, since it can be applied to many situations.

The choice between "wa" and "ga" can be seen as answering a question, even if it's a question that wasn't actually asked. For example, "Nihon no rekishi ga totemo omoshiroi" would be the answer to a question such as, "Nani ga omoshiroi?" So you're basically saying, "I read about Japanese history. What's interesting? Japanese history is interesting." That doesn't really sound right; the question "what's interesting" has nothing to do with what came before it, so it makes no sense to answer it.

"Nihongo no rekishi wa totemo omoshiroi", on the other hand, answers a question such as, "Nihongo no rekishi wa dou omou?" ("What do you think of Japanese history?") So then it becomes, "I read about Japanese history. What's it like? I think it's interesting." This makes much more sense.

The easiest way to think of it is, "ga" answers questions posed with words such as "nani ga", "dare ga", etc., whereas "blah blah blah wa" answers a question that begins with the same "blah blah blah wa".

I'm still a beginner myself, so there may be other issues that I haven't caught. I don't think it's a bad try, though. :)

- Kef

Thank you very much for help. BTW na means expression, don't you know?
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Re: A descriptive paragraph about my day

Postby Yudan Taiteki » Fri 09.18.2009 6:00 pm

It means "don't you know?", sort of -- it seeks confirmation from the listener but the place you used it is a little odd since there's no way a reader would know beforehand that you studied in your room.

Ore is the informal use of I for males


This is only partially true; "ore" is a rather rough word that only some males use, and only in some situations. I'm not necessarily saying it's wrong to use it, but it's not really correct to just consider it an all-purpose informal "I" for males. (Personally I never use ore, even in informal speech.)
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Re: A descriptive paragraph about my day

Postby furrykef » Fri 09.18.2009 6:37 pm

Ore is the informal use of I for males. I am writing an informal paragraph because I'm not talking to anyone. Its a journal entry about my day. Using ore is the appropiate thing to do when in informal situations.


See, this kind of post is part of what got you in trouble before. :| You're saying "Using ore is the appropriate thing to do" as if you know better than we do, which is presumptive. Simply adding things like "I think" or "right?" in appropriate places will do a lot to make your posts less presumptive and more polite.

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Re: A descriptive paragraph about my day

Postby Mr.Paper » Sat 09.19.2009 3:35 pm

furrykef wrote:
Ore is the informal use of I for males. I am writing an informal paragraph because I'm not talking to anyone. Its a journal entry about my day. Using ore is the appropiate thing to do when in informal situations.


See, this kind of post is part of what got you in trouble before. :| You're saying "Using ore is the appropriate thing to do" as if you know better than we do, which is presumptive. Simply adding things like "I think" or "right?" in appropriate places will do a lot to make your posts less presumptive and more polite.

- Kef


I don't mean to sound like a know it all, sorry.
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Re: A descriptive paragraph about my day

Postby AJBryant » Sat 09.19.2009 11:26 pm

Then you really should start listening to people who actually *do* know a little more. ;)
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Re: A descriptive paragraph about my day

Postby Infidel » Sat 09.19.2009 11:45 pm

ato de sono,


I saw others mention this is wrong but not why.

Sono is an adjective. So it needs something to modify.
なるほど。
さっぱりわからん。
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