Salaryman Senryu

[leonl]

何食べる? 何があるの 先に 言え 一心のつぶやき

This is our big project for the quarter. To write a little bit each week about why this senryuu is funny. I however need help with the translation. I can translate the individual elements, but as a whole this doesnt make sense. This is what I've come up with


何食べる?
What are you eating
What to eat

何があるの
What do you have

先に 言え
What was said previous or before
(I have no idea which reading is being used for先 I'm just guessing based on meaning)
一心のつぶやき
One Murmering Heart
(I assumed kokoro is the reading being used here please correct if I'm wrong)

(Sigh)

[Yudan Taiteki]

It's いっしん; I don't understand the senryu, though.

[NileCat]

Well, excuse me but...It's

「何食べる？」 何があるのか　先に言え
　　　　　　　　　　　 by　心のつぶやき 　(雅号= pen name)

(5-7-5)

[leonl]

Thanks guys , How was the translation

[Harisenbon]

Well, excuse me but...It's

「何食べる？」 何があるのか　先に言え
　　　　　　　　　　　 by　心のつぶやき 　(雅号= pen name)

(5-7-5)

That makes MUCH more sense.

I had no idea what the original 川柳 was trying to say... :/

Thanks guys , How was the translation

Try re-translating with what NileCat wrote.
The way you wrote the senryu makes little/no sense.

[leonl]

何食べる？」
Nani taberu
What you eat
What are you going to eat
What to eat


何があるのか
Nani ga aru no ka　
What do you have


先に言え
Saki ni koto e

I'm sorry I still cant wrap my head around this, Im going to be up for a while tonight it looks. The last verse especially is giving me trouble, Im not even sure if I'm using the right readings, though rikaichan has been a big help there

The only thing that this even closely resembles is an english saying "They say you are what you eat" But this doesn't make much sense either

I'm hopeless( the tutor center doesnt open till tomorrow yet sensei said to go if we needed help, true I have sat on this longer than I should, but i didnt think it would be this much trouble, sigh)

[NileCat]

先に言え
saki ni ie

言う(iu)(dictionary form)
言え(ie)(imperative form)

[leonl]

先に言え
saki ni ie

言う(iu)(dictionary form)
言え(ie)(imperative form)

Thank you, I realized this after I remembered the 5-7-5 rule , Im still a little lost on the meaning tho

「何食べる？」 何があるのか　先に言え


"What to eat"
What do you have
Tell me(before)

(Sigh, time for the energy drinks)

[Harisenbon]

「何食べる？」 何があるのか　先に言え

"What to eat"
What do you have
Tell me(before)

(Sigh, time for the energy drinks)

You're getting there!

Notice that the first part is in quotes, which means that it's probably what someone is saying. Because it's a question, imagine how you would phrase 何食べる？ if you were asking it to someone.

Other than that, you pretty much have the translation down.
Just remember that Japanese grammar and english grammar do not have the same word order, so you may need to change up the word order of the last two lines to get it to make sense in english.

[leonl]

So if I'm understanding you correctly it should go something like this

Tell me what do you have to eat?

or

Tell me do you have anything to eat


"What to eat" Tell me what you have(he said)

[keatonatron]

Psh, "what do you want to eat," he asks! Tell me what you have first!

[Mike Cash]

I love these and (somewhere, stashed away) have five volumes of the collected Salaryman Senryu from the annual contest put on by Daiichi Seimei.

ブス女
一度褒めると
逃げられぬ

-me-

[Harisenbon]

Psh, "what do you want to eat," he asks! Tell me what you have first!

Well, if you just want to GIVE him the answer.

[leonl]

Psh, "what do you want to eat," he asks! Tell me what you have first!

Well, if you just want to GIVE him the answer.

Well sensei did say we could have help like this, infact she said we would probably need someone(a native or otherwise) to tell us what the senryu meant. As much as fun as I was having straining my brain for the answer, this is much easier. Because I tend to rant, I'll just say thank you to everyone who helped me, I was totally lost when I looked at this senryu.

[keatonatron]

Well, if you just want to GIVE him the answer.

After reading the thread up to this point, I do.