Salaryman Senryu

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Yudan Taiteki
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Re: Salaryman Senryu

Post by Yudan Taiteki » Wed 10.07.2009 10:40 pm

電車乗り
ドラクエをやる
暇な時

Of course I'm neither a salaryman nor a poet so that's probably bad...
-Chris Kern

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Mike Cash
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Re: Salaryman Senryu

Post by Mike Cash » Thu 10.08.2009 4:34 am

furrykef wrote:
Mike Cash wrote:ブス女
一度褒めると
逃げられぬ


Lemme see if I understand it correctly: "Once you praise an ugly woman, there's no escaping her"? ('Course, that doesn't sound nearly so poetic, but...)


That's the whole idea.

幸せの
秘訣はブスと
の結婚だ

I just made that one up to atone for the other one.
Never underestimate my capacity for pettiness.

NileCat
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Location: Tokyo

Re: Salaryman Senryu

Post by NileCat » Thu 10.08.2009 4:41 am

Yudan Taiteki wrote:電車乗り
ドラクエをやる
暇な時

I like it. It describes our daily life casually.The kanji "暇" projects the mood straightforward.
My personal criterion for enjoying Senryu is that how I can imagine the scene vividly. I can picture Chris in the Yamanote-line train with his DS and other Japanese passengers see him with curious eyes. :D
Last edited by NileCat on Thu 10.08.2009 5:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

NileCat
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Re: Salaryman Senryu

Post by NileCat » Thu 10.08.2009 4:47 am

Mike Cash wrote:幸せの
秘訣はブスと
の結婚だ

I just made that one up to atone for the other one.

I knew you were a gentleman.
:D

NileCat
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Re: Salaryman Senryu

Post by NileCat » Thu 10.08.2009 5:29 am

inuinu wrote:Hi の声
とっさの返事
はいでした

(;´∇`) - inuinu

そう、いつものことです。でも自分にしかわからないからいいの! :D

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kurisuto
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Re: Salaryman Senryu

Post by kurisuto » Thu 10.08.2009 10:25 am

Mike Cash wrote:幸せの
秘訣はブスと
の結婚だ


6 :o

Needless to say, I liked it anyway :lol:

My turn :

ブルブルと
待つしかないよ
鍵忘れ

(well, not sure that's correct...)

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Yudan Taiteki
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Re: Salaryman Senryu

Post by Yudan Taiteki » Thu 10.08.2009 4:41 pm

字余り is perfectly acceptable (some haiku/waka/senryu even have 2 extra mora in a line); it's particularly common when one of the mora is ん or a lengthened vowel.
-Chris Kern

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kurisuto
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Re: Salaryman Senryu

Post by kurisuto » Thu 10.08.2009 5:24 pm

Please, let me exhibit my ignorance, would you ? :evil:

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