私のじこしょうかい

[tydin]

Below is what I am sure is a very poor attempt to introduce myself. Most of this is written in hiragana.
こんにちはみなさん! 私のなまえはTylerです. これは私のじこしょうかいです. 私は16くさいです. 私はアメリカにすんでいま. 私はひらがなとかたかながよめる. 私はおきにいりいろ が あお です.私 はにほんごがだいすきべんきょする. 私 は オレンジジュース がだい すき です.私 はにほんのおんがく だいすき です.

【英語】

Hello everyone! My name is Tyler. This is my self introduction. I am 16 years old. I live in America. I can write hiragana and katakana. My favorite color is blue. I love to study Japanese. I love orange juice. I love Japanese music.

[TJack]

It looks pretty good so far, but there's some simple mistakes in it.

私のなまえはTylerです.

That's perfect. You can also say 私はTylerです。

私は16[Omitく]さいです。

Otherwise it says "I'm 16 stinky"

私はアメリカにすんでいます

Just forgot the す　at the end.

私はひらがなとかたかながよめます.

　
Since you have です　in your other sentences, you should have it in the ます　form just to keep it polite. As an aside, I wonder if かたかな　should be in katakana?

私はおきにいりいろ が あお です.

I don't know if this is correct, and I can't exactly remember how to say I like something the best, so I'll leave this for someone else to be kind enough to answer it.

Change

私 はにほんごがだいすきべんきょする

to 私 はにほんごをべんきょうするのがだいすきです. Having the plain form of a verb plus のが after it makes it "the act of doing something". So the second sentence is literally translated like "As for me, the act of studying Japanese is very likable" or simply put "I love studying Japanese"

私 は オレンジジュース がだい すき です.

Perfect!

私 はにほんのおんがくが だいすき です.

You only missed a particle.

Also, you used 私　way too much. If the subject is the same from one sentence to the next, and if it's clear enough, you generally can leave out the 私 (or any other subject).　So for example you can say 私は１６さいです。アメリカにすんでいます。 and so forth.
Overall, you did very well.

[tydin]

Thank you for replying. I know I used 私 a lot, I do not mean to it just finds a way into the sentence. Also, I was not sure about katakana being written in katakana.

[writebook]

私はおきにいりいろ が あお です.

You can use the word おきにいり like this.
私のおきにいりのいろはあおです。

But in this case, it's just simpler to use すき and say
私のすきないろはあおです。

The uses for the word おきにいり is narrower than the word "favorite" in English. To explain how the word feels in English, it feels like "An item that pleases my fancy." I think the most common thing it gets used for is a piece of clothing, such as a scarf, a bracelet, a shirt, a skirt, etc. Something that pleases you aesthetically and gives you the joy of being picky. Another case you can use it is when some item or tool is very handy. For example, a back-scratcher that is just the right length for your back. You could use it for a useful Website that is very nifty and you enjoy using. Another case I can think of is when a disciple or apprentice is a "favorite" of his teacher or master.