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Proof read! :) It would help!

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Proof read! :) It would help!

Postby rachxo » Tue 09.07.2010 5:43 pm

I promise this is my last post today XD I am just really trying to make sure this is all correct. I have already gotten some help earlier, so thank you very much!! I just would like to make sure everything is TADASHII hehe ^_^ Any help will be appreciated! BTW. [I just put stars where the teacher's name is going to go.]

ご返事をありがとうございました!そして、私の間違った文を正しく直してくれてありがとう。
******先生の夏休みはようさそうです!私はハワイにいったことがありませんですが、行きたいです。きれいな所だそうです。たくさんの買い物した?*******先生は買い物が大好きでしょう!<<-- I would like to say I know you like shopping. Any help there? :) 私も。
今日は学校の初日ですね。中学三年生生徒たちは緊張したでしょう?私は中学三年生になったら、とってもワクワクした!実は、先日、私の中学三年生と高校一年生の学校の写真を見ていました。びっくりでした。私は若いそうです。(How would I say I changed a lot!)
******さんは、一月にUFVで、日本語を勉強つもりです。もうすぐ、********さんと日本に戻りたいです。実は、FACEBOOKで、京都両洋高校のさとう先生と話しています!さとう先生は、私に、「もし、日本に戻れば、私に連絡して ください!」と言いました。うれしかったです! 
rachxo
 
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Re: Proof read! :) It would help!

Postby Ongakuka » Tue 09.07.2010 6:11 pm

and I promise this is my last post for today too :P

ようさそう
either this is よさそう or it's a word I don't know

ありませんですが
verbs should be in plain form if you're going to finish with desu. so either ないですが or ありませんが (you're probably aware of this but this is proofreading after all)

きれいな所だそうです
did someone tell you they thought so? If yes then this is correct.

たくさんの買い物した?
why are we in plain form all of a sudden? somehow I feel it would be more natural without the 'no'

I would like to say I know you like shopping. Any help there?


先生は買い物が大好きなのが分かっていますよ! but honestly, it's better with just 'deshou.' Then put 私もそうです to be polite.

緊張したでしょう
 緊張していたでしょう might be better

私は中学三年生になったら、とってもワクワクした
again, plain form mix up. I think what you're saying here is more like 中学三年生になったばかりのとき、ワクワクしていました

(How would I say I changed a lot!)
 私はだいぶ変わってきましたね!I think...

I know I've said a lot here but I think this is a very skillful composition. There maybe mistakes (hopefully not too many...) in my own post so please be wary of this. I really think you should pay attention to when you use plain and polite forms, especially in written forms it is not conventional to swap and mix (and you are addressing a teacher!)
なぜなら、おまえは・・・・・・人形だ
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Re: Proof read! :) It would help!

Postby rachxo » Tue 09.07.2010 11:07 pm

Thank you very much for your feedback! And thank you for pointing out my constant plain and polite form change... I am very bad at doing that! lol. Arigatou! :)
rachxo
 
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