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Postby Musiflare » Mon 10.18.2010 12:43 pm


For the sake of clarity, I'm going to write this in English. Also, I apologize if I start to ramble--it's about 1:30AM here. I was recently assigned to write a brief 意見文, but because my vocabulary is a little limited in terms of opinions I actually want to write about, the essay I wrote may have been a bit of a stretch. Furthermore, for more of a challenge in what is a pretty easy class, I made an effort to write using である体 (with the consent of one of my teachers). I apologize in advance for any glaring mistakes.

Here is the (very brief) 作文 in its entirety:




1. In the second sentence of the first paragraph, "遠くに住んでいる友達と家族と話したりすることを便利で簡単にするわけである," is this a correct usage of わけ?

2. In the second sentence of the second paragraph, is さらに okay? It's difficult telling the difference between all the words that are similar in meaning to it.

3. In the second paragraph with "社会的な生き物", I was trying to express the same idea as the English phrase "social creature", as in "humans are social creatures." Does my translation sound unnatural?

4. Does "人と話さぬが危なくなる" make sense? I wasn't sure if I utilized the -ぬ form correctly or not.

5. I'm afraid in my sleepy state that it's entirely possible that I missed something major, so is there anything else that sounds particularly unnatural?

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Re: 作文の直し

Postby NileCat » Mon 10.18.2010 1:37 pm

1. Totally fine. And I found it natural.
2. Usage of さらに is fine too.
3. 社会的な生き物 sounds ok.
But I'm not totally sure about "人間は、自然に言えば" part. The phrase is usually used to tell some complicated things in a straightforward way.
4. 人と話さぬが危なくなる doesn't sound fine.
”ひとと話さぬこと" makes sense. So, 人と話さぬこと → 多くなる/少なくなる ← would be more appropriate here.
Something like "人間は社会的な動物なので、人と話さないことが増えるのは危険なことである。"

5.フェスブック →フェイスブック
6.ソシャル・ネットワーキング →ソーシャル・ネットワーキング is more common.
7."そういうサイトはだんだん気が散るようになる傾向がある". Grammatically correct. But I'm not sure what you're trying to say. What do you mean by "気が散る "here?
8.インターネットだけで友達と話す数人が上がっている。→ a little off to me. 人数が増えている。人の割合が増えている。

Those things are what I noticed.
Hope it helps.
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Re: 作文の直し

Postby Musiflare » Tue 10.19.2010 12:22 am


It seems I always have problems putting basic English words into katakana. ^^;

7. What I was trying to convey (literally) is "Sites like this have a tendency to quickly become a distraction." I've had several problems finding an appropriate way to convey "distraction" in Japanese, so I was a little concerned about that usage.

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