Jokes that don't translate

[furrykef]

In this silly game, you take a joke -- it doesn't matter if it's a classic joke or one you've just made up -- and translate it to Japanese, even though the joke doesn't translate (e.g. there's a pun). The next person must try to guess what the original English joke was. If you're sure you get the joke, post your own joke to follow it with.

Here's an easy one (if you're familiar with the original) to illustrate the idea. A and B represent two unnamed speakers:

Ａ「僕の妻はカリブ海の島に行った。」
Ｂ「ジャマイカ？」
Ａ「いいえ、行きたかったんだ。」

[NileCat]

Hey furrykef, I find this is a really good topic! That wasn’t easy for me at all. After writhing resisting temptation to google it for fifteen minutes, I gave up...
B said “Did you make her?”

Two pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve your kind here." So the pieces of string walk out again.
They're sitting in the gutter outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says "Hey! I've got an idea to get me into the bar."
So he starts twisting and turning, wriggling this way and that, pulling out a few threads here and there. His mate's looking at him and thinks he's gone completely nuts.
Then the piece of string walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him a little suspiciously again and says "Here, you're not a bit of string, are you?"
The piece of string replies:
「いいえ、違うと思います」

[becki_kanou]

OK- I'll join the party. Here is a silly one originally in English.
ポニーとかけまして、風邪をひいている人とときます、その心は：
両方小さな馬です。

[NileCat]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says
「落ち着いて、大丈夫。まず、本当に死んでいるかどうか確かめてください」
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says
「OK、で、次は？」

[phreadom]

phreadom, Sorry I was spacing out and I accidentally hit edit instead of reply and ending up deleting your post... I feel like such a goon. Sorry... --Becki

blah. I looked through the caches and everything... it's gone. Unless someone happens to have it open in another tab in their browser and can copy/paste it for us. Otherwise only the part you quoted is still here and I'd have to retype everything else.

and I don't feel like doing that right now.

I guess that just goes to show that maybe I should have implemented a mod that saved revisions when you edited posts. I keep meaning to do it, but it's been such a low priority.

[furrykef]

Hey, you guys aren't trying to answer each other's riddles! (Though I got ninja'd by phreadom as I was writing this...)

「いいえ、違うと思います」

"Nope, I'm a frayed knot!"

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says
「落ち着いて、大丈夫。まず、本当に死んでいるかどうか確かめてください」
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says
「OK、で、次は？」

"All right, let's just make sure he's dead." *bang* "OK, now what?"

To be honest, I think putting most of the joke in English makes it too easy when it's a well-known joke. ^^; (It may be a good idea when the joke isn't so familiar, though.)

ポニーとかけまして、風邪をひいている人とときます、その心は：
両方小さな馬です。

Oh man, I almost totally didn't get this one. Finally it hit me... "both are a little horse/hoarse"...

Hmm... so now it's my turn to come up with one again...

キノコがバーに入る・・・・
バーテンダー「残念ですけど、このバーは人に限ります。」
キノコ「大丈夫です。僕は菌類ですよ！」

(The bartender's line was difficult... I wanted to say "we cannot serve you", but didn't know the best way to say "serve"... so I had to find an alternative phrasing that I knew was more likely to be valid. ^^;)

[Ongakuka]

僕は菌類ですよ

'I'm a fungi!' (fun guy)


バーに馬が入る。
それを見たバーテンダーに「その長い顔どうしたの？」って言われる。

[probablynot]

The timeless classic!:

ピアノが調律できるのに、チューナフィシュはいけません！

Totally does not translate at ALL though.

[becki_kanou]

Ok- Let's try the reverse; What's the Japanese pun?

This waffle is past its expiration date. Wow! It's old.
Swans don't smoke cigarettes.
A fishmonger was surprised. "Whoa. I can't believe it!"
Michael Jordan's jokes are pretty good.
What do twins like to eat? Sausage.
What language is "strawberry"? Strawberry.
What fruit does dad hate? Papaya
What kind of juice do we drink at our house? Orange juice.

[furrykef]

バーに馬が入る。
それを見たバーテンダーに「その長い顔どうしたの？」って言われる。

"Why the long face?"

ピアノが調律できるのに、チューナフィシュはいけません！

"You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish."

Ok- Let's try the reverse; What's the Japanese pun?

I'd probably have a hard enough time getting the puns even if they were still in Japanese.

Here's my next one:

質問：　茶色のくっつくものは、何という？
答え：　棒。

[becki_kanou]

OK- I'll join the party. Here is a silly one originally in English.
ポニーとかけまして、風邪をひいている人とときます、その心は：
両方小さな馬です。

I'm having a hard time translating this one... but I think the general gist of it is that the pony and the sick person both have something in common.... they're both a little horse/hoarse. Another pun.

a pony → a small horse → A little horse.
a sick person → a rough voice from being sick and having a sore throat → A little hoarse.

phreadom- This is the classic "How is raven like a writing desk?" type of joke/riddle. This kind of riddle was very popular in Japan last year because of a comedian called Nezucchi whose talent is quickly making a pun on any topic he is given. His catch phrase 整いました。 (I've put it together!) was even selected for the new phrase of the year of 2010.　
The pattern is Aとかけまして、Bとときます。その心はCですから。

[Hyperworm]

Got 7/8 answers to becki's I think

Spoiler:

わっ、古っ
吸わん
？
まあイケる冗談
双生児
いち語
パパ嫌
俺ん家ジュース

[furrykef]

I take back what I said: for better or worse, I do get the puns in Japanese...

[NileCat]

Q. なぜシンデレラは良いサッカー選手になれなかったのか？

A. 彼女は靴をなくし、舞踏会から逃げ、馬車はカボチャだったから。

[furrykef]

Q. なぜシンデレラは良いサッカー選手になれなかったのか？

A. 彼女は靴をなくし、舞踏会から逃げ、馬車はカボチャだったから。

Why did Cinderella make a poor soccer player? She lost her shoe, she fled from the "ball", and her "coach" was a pumpkin!

(I'm trying to figure out if 靴 is supposed to have a pun in it, considering the other two phrases do...)

Don't forget to answer mine from earlier:

Q: 茶色のくっつくものは、何という？
A: 棒。