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Please check!

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Please check!

Postby toilet » Thu 09.08.2011 7:58 am

Hi! I have a Japanese writing test coming up shortly and I was hoping someone could please correct any errors I've made in this passage, thank you! :)

去年、十六才たんじょう日に運転免許を取りました。運転免許しけんを取るために百時間運転れんしゅうするの必要がありました。今年、かりめんを取ってから一人で運転することができます。でも、自分の車が持ってないがりょうしんの車がかりしてます。ただし、車で行くより、バスや電車で行く方がべんりで安いです。新聞によると、若いドライバーはとてもあぶないです。
toilet
 
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Native language: English

Re: Please check!

Postby NileCat » Thu 09.08.2011 9:56 am

Very good work, toilet!
I found that the structure and the flow of your sentences very natural.

Just one thing I didn’t get was that whether you wanted to say you can drive on your own since you got 仮免 this year (which sounds weird to me because you got the proper license last year, didn't you?) or you wanted say now that you’ve got the license, you can drive on your own this year. 仮免 is usually provided to who haven’t got the license yet. (temporary license) 「なので今年は、一人で運転することができます」? (I don't know why you wanted to refer to your temporary license here.)

The followings are a couple of corrections for you. But actually they are very minor grammatical mistakes.

「去年、十六才たんじょう日に運転免許を取りました。」
You need の here.

「運転免許を取るために百時間れんしゅうする(x)必要がありました。」
You don’t need の here.
免許(license) → 取る(get)
試験(test) → 受ける(take) / 受かる(pass)
If you want to say “in order to pass the test”, that’d be “運転免許試験に通るためには” or “運転免許試験に受かるためには” or “運転免許試験に合格するためには”.

「でも、自分の車を持っていないので両親の車をかりています。」
自分の車持っていない is the right one. If you want to emphasize it (my own), 自分の車もっていない is also fine.
" But – because – I don’t have my own car – I borrow my parent’s car."
Note the logic of the “cause” here.
If you want to phrase it like “Although I don’t have my own car, I drive borrowing my parent’s car”, it’d be “自分の車は持ってませんが両親の車をかりて運転しています”.

:)
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Re: Please check!

Postby toilet » Sat 09.10.2011 1:49 am

Thank you very much for replying NileCat, I appreciate it. To clarify what I meant by obtaining my driving licence last year and a temporary licence this year, in Australia, we have a learner licence, a provisional licence and an open licence. Basically 3 tiers, at 16 you are able to get your learner licence (this is what I trying to refer to when I mentioned getting my driving licence, albeit not very well), then after 12 months, if you have 100 hours of driving recorded in your logbook, you are able to take a practical driving test to get your provisional licence (what I mentioned obtaining this year).

Obviously there are many differences between Australian's driving licence system and Japan's, so it's hard to translate it. If you have any advice on how I could make this clearer, please tell me :)
toilet
 
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Joined: Sat 06.05.2010 3:47 am
Native language: English


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