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Verification of correct translation Christian song

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Verification of correct translation Christian song

Postby turonkusu » Sat 09.24.2011 7:30 pm

Thank you before hand to whomever is going to help me :)
I took a dive and see if I did it right myself. I will put the english first and then my attempt. Please if any of you see corrections will you please point me in the right place? THANK YOU!

It's not with an army
Its not with strength
but with his Holy Spirit
Let the weak say "I am strong"
Let the confused say "I know" <-- a better way to say this in japanese?
Let the sad say "I am happy"
By the blood of Jesus
I will overcome
with his Holy spirit I will overcome <-- I changed this to "Together with the holy spirit"

there was no special combination for "sad person" so I used "jin" instead of "ningen" or "hito" to kinda make it flow better but I am not sure if Jin can be used for this case.

陸軍でじゃない
筋力でじゃない
でも神の聖霊で
弱いものが”居者”と言え
まごまごな人が”知っている”と言え
悲しい人”うれしい”と言え
イエスの血んだから
絶対打ち勝つ
聖霊といっしょに打ち勝つ

Its really precious to me any help you can give me. So thank you again :)
turonkusu
 
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Re: Verification of correct translation Christian song

Postby NileCat » Sun 09.25.2011 10:18 am

As you might know, translating poetic writings requires the artistic interpretation to a certain extent. Let me just point out some of the inappropriate usages. :bow:

陸軍 means army troops.
筋力 means the strength of muscle.
神の聖霊で wouldn’t make sense.
居者 (maybe you meant 強者) does not fit, I’m afraid.
まごまごな人 sounds off.
血んだから doesn’t make sense.

The word 人 in 悲しい人 sounds fine. But it reads hito, not jin.
I look forward to your second try. :) God bless you! :bow:
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Re: Verification of correct translation Christian song

Postby furrykef » Sun 09.25.2011 10:31 am

To clarify: 人 is never read じん (or にん) unless it's in a compound word. 悲しい人 is clearly not a compound word.

陸軍でじゃない
筋力でじゃない
でも神の聖霊で

I don't think "It's not X but Y" can be translated using でも like this. That's usually said with something like, XじゃなくてYだ.

Is でじゃない grammatical? It seems kind of odd... じゃ is a contraction of では as it is, so it'd be でではない...
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Re: Verification of correct translation Christian song

Postby Yudan Taiteki » Mon 09.26.2011 7:35 am

furrykef wrote:Is でじゃない grammatical? It seems kind of odd... じゃ is a contraction of では as it is, so it'd be でではない...


It is. The first で is the particle and the second the -te form of だ....it works out somehow. :)
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