Learn Japanese with JapanesePod101.com

View topic - Japanese translation help + correction please?

Japanese translation help + correction please?

Do you have a translation question?

Japanese translation help + correction please?

Postby tokyotower » Fri 01.13.2012 5:36 am

Hello,
this is my first post, so I wish to learn more by people who would help me and correct my suggestions.
I always try to translate myself, but sometimes it's too hard for me, but I learned always a little more from my previous help-translations, and in this way I saw that I need to ask in forum less, compared olden days (I translate and study japanese since 2009).

Today I had a problem to translate this: (note: the parts in bold are those words that confused me and impede me to translate it or understand how to translate it):

めまぐるしく流れていく時間の中で
どうしても伝えたい想いがあって
there's things that I would like (or is better say "I want") to think by all means?
表現したい世界があって
There's a world that I would like (or is better say "I want") to express?
でも解ってもらえない事もあり苦しくて
but it's painful there's also things that are not understood (?)
その部分のほんのすこしでもMelodyや歌や曲で
表現できたらなと思いながら引き続き曲作ってみる
But I'll try a little? to see if continue to make songs while think to be able to express
with songs and music and melody ..... this part/portion?
うん
uhm...
って。。。。 by saying "......" (and here it comes the translation above) (?)
僕はなんで急に語ったんだろう

I wonder? I guess? (how to translate "ったんだろう" what I was saying rapidly? (I dont understand this,sorry)...


thank you if someone can help!
tokyotower
 
Posts: 30
Joined: Fri 01.13.2012 4:46 am
Native language: Italian

Re: Japanese translation help + correction please?

Postby NileCat » Fri 01.13.2012 12:52 pm

The blog entry of the singer is written in a kind of poetic style (like song lyrics).
My English isn’t good enough to translate the nuance, though, I hope you can get at least the rough meaning of it.

めまぐるしく流れていく時間
time which flows so fast / vertiginously
どうしても伝えたい想い
a thought I want to convey
表現したい世界
a world I want to express / depict / describe
解ってもらえない事もあり
I can’t always get across (my thought / my world)
苦しくて
which makes me suffer
その部分のほんのすこしでも
even a little bit of that (my thought / my world)
表現できたらなと思いながら
hoping that I can express it
引き続き曲作ってみる
I continue making songs
僕はなんで急に語ったんだろう
I wonder why I started jawing like this all of a sudden

Please correct my English too, people! :bow:
User avatar
NileCat
 
Posts: 1168
Joined: Sat 08.01.2009 2:11 pm
Location: Tokyo
Native language: Japanese

Re: Japanese translation help + correction please?

Postby SomeCallMeChris » Fri 01.13.2012 5:34 pm

Hmmm, I'll give some pointers on your English and an idea of how I would translate the line.
Grammar is pretty flexible when it's a poem, you can have all sorts of phrases that would normally be dependent clauses as lines of poetry, and never resolve the dependency (particularly, of course, noun phrases.)

NileCat wrote:めまぐるしく流れていく時間
time which flows so fast / vertiginously

The dizzying rush of time
('vertiginous' is something you'd see in a medical journal; I know, my translation makes it a noun phrase where 'rush' is the modified noun, and the original is a noun phrase where 'time' is the modified noun, but I think it has a similar feeling, and both lines end on 'time'.)

どうしても伝えたい想い
a thought I want to convey

These thoughts I want to convey ever so much
(edit: I'm changing this to the plural on reflection of the rest of the piece, especially 'continuously composing songs' suggests that there's more than one thought being conveyed, doesn't it?)

表現したい世界
a world I want to express / depict / describe

The world I want to describe
解ってもらえない事もあり
I can’t always get across (my thought / my world)

('I can't always get it across' would be fine ; working out how to get the 'solve/unravel' nuance explicitly into this line is beyond me at the moment, but it can be implied.)
Seldom can I find the way.

苦しくて
which makes me suffer

It pains me so,

その部分のほんのすこしでも
even a little bit of that (my thought / my world)
表現できたらなと思いながら
hoping that I can express it

(reversing the lines for flow, because even in poetry the grammar flow matters here)
Imagining if only I could express that
If only the tiniest part of that



引き続き曲作ってみる
I continue making songs

('continue' is fine, but perhaps not strong enough. 'eternally' is perhaps too strong. Making songs... is a little unnatural. 'Writing songs' would be fine.)
I go on ever composing songs...
(edit again to add 'I go on' to reflect the ながら in the earlier line, to make it connect better to what he's doing as he composes songs.)

僕はなんで急に語ったんだろう
I wonder why I started jawing like this all of a sudden

('jawing' is a bit antiquated in most areas, although still used in some rural areas. My translation also drops the poetic tone and becomes a straight sentence.)
For what reason did I suddenly say all this.


The dizzying rush of time
These thoughts I want to convey ever so much
The world I want to describe
Seldom can I find the way.
It pains me so,
Imagining if only I could express that
If only the tiniest part of that
I go on ever composing songs...
For what reason did I suddenly say all this.


---
Of course, I welcome any corrections or advice, especially if I misinterpreted any Japanese phrase.
SomeCallMeChris
 
Posts: 256
Joined: Tue 08.09.2011 12:54 pm
Native language: English

Re: Japanese translation help + correction please?

Postby tokyotower » Sat 01.14.2012 5:02 am

Thank you so much!
I'm going to analyze each line and later I'll let you know if I understand everything!

Thank you again!

EDIT:
I have a question, about this:

表現したい世界
a world I want to express / depict / describe

since the complete phrase its' 表現したい世界があって

when there's "あって" don't it mean "to be"?
So isn't better to say:

"There's the/a world I want to describe " ?

Thanks again for the help! :)

Edit:

I have another doubt:


解ってもらえない事もあり
I can’t always get across (my thought / my world)
苦しくて

I thought this could mean:
"あり" ari mean 'existence at the present moment' so:

there's (あり) also(も) things (事) that can't be understood (received to be understood by other people ( 解ってもらえない) it' painful.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't think it mean "Seldom can I find the way
It pains me so"

What do you think about it?
tokyotower
 
Posts: 30
Joined: Fri 01.13.2012 4:46 am
Native language: Italian

Re: Japanese translation help + correction please?

Postby SomeCallMeChris » Sat 01.14.2012 9:36 am

tokyotower wrote:T
I have a question, about this:

表現したい世界
a world I want to express / depict / describe

since the complete phrase its' 表現したい世界があって

The most 'accurate' translation would be 'A world I want to describe exists.'
That's totally unpoetic and flattens the tone of it, but it's grammatically accurate.


解ってもらえない事もあり
I can’t always get across (my thought / my world)
苦しくて

I thought this could mean:
"あり" ari mean 'existence at the present moment' so:

With NileCat's guidance, I understood this to mean, literally,
"I (also) cannot obtain the solving", where the missing object is understood to be,
"The world I want to describe and the thoughts I want to convey."

I don't really know why it's that way and not "(In addition to the world and the thoughts,) there's also unsolvable things," if I were reading it without NileCat's words, I would be unsure which way to take it.

there's (あり) also(も) things (事) that can't be understood (received to be understood by other people ( 解ってもらえない) it' painful.


Well, we actually have "...あり 苦しくて その部分..."

Which reads literally like '(There's all this stuff) and I hurt and (even the smallest part...)

I took 苦しくて to be something of a lead in to the second half, thinking that the あり is more of a simple 'and then', while the て shows more of a direct relationship.

If I took 苦しくて to be short for 苦しくている then I would consider it the end of the first half and less of a bridge between the two halves.

Anyway, "I hurt and," is totally unpoetic, hence liberties with the literal meaning to capture a tone of heartfelt suffering.
SomeCallMeChris
 
Posts: 256
Joined: Tue 08.09.2011 12:54 pm
Native language: English

Re: Japanese translation help + correction please?

Postby tokyotower » Sat 01.14.2012 11:36 am

Thank you so much for the time you took for explain to me!
I want to read with much care all your examples.
Is it important, not only get the translation, but also understand it.

Thank you so much again m(_ _)m
tokyotower
 
Posts: 30
Joined: Fri 01.13.2012 4:46 am
Native language: Italian


Return to Translation Questions or Discussion

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 6 guests