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Disappearing posts

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Disappearing posts

Postby CDarklock » Sat 02.18.2006 8:18 pm

If I ask a question in the forum, and the thread disappears, and I don't know where it went - where do I go if I want to find out?

The natural conclusion to draw is that a moderator deleted it. If this moderator does not tell me why the thread is being deleted, how exactly am I supposed to know what not to do in future posts?

Surely it would be common courtesy to drop someone a PM saying "we're deleting your thread because you're a jerkass" or whatever. I've already checked the FAQ and the rules posting, and I can't find any documented reason why someone would delete my thread.

Of course, THIS thread will probably end up deleted, too. Moderators are *fun* that way.
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RE: Disappearing posts

Postby mandolin » Sat 02.18.2006 8:29 pm

Uh... what was your thread?


EDIT:
And if you didn't put a subject, and just hit "post thread" it doesn't post one with no warning message like "You need to specify a subject".

I just tried to see what would happen.

The mods here almost never delete posts.
Last edited by mandolin on Sat 02.18.2006 8:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: Disappearing posts

Postby CDarklock » Sat 02.18.2006 8:40 pm

I was asking where I could find good resources about sexuality in Japan. Not porn, just honest information about how the Japanese culture regards sex and sexuality.

I'm aware that with the many younger members we have here, we're not going to have any in-depth discussion of this subject ourselves. However, there are a lot of people here that have actually been to Japan and might be able to point me toward something that at the very least isn't completely obsessed with what you can buy out of vending machines, and hopefully has more accurate information than rumor and innuendo.

Edit: I did include a subject. The subject was something like "Things nobody will tell me". It was in the "Newest threads" list on the left sidebar while I was browsing over another thread, and then when I clicked over to the forum see whether there were any replies it disappeared from the list.
Last edited by CDarklock on Sat 02.18.2006 8:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: Disappearing posts

Postby mandolin » Sat 02.18.2006 8:46 pm

I guess it really depends on the content of your post, which I didn't see. It's odd, since I'm around way more frequently than most mods (I'm a stay at home mom, so I check the forums like a billion times a day) and I didn't see that topic. not to mention, there've been way worse topics than THAT on here that didn't get deleted....
Last edited by mandolin on Sat 02.18.2006 8:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: Disappearing posts

Postby CDarklock » Sat 02.18.2006 8:51 pm

mandolin wrote:
I guess it really depends on the content of your post, which I didn't see.


The content of my deleted post was pretty much the same as what I just posted. I specifically identified that I knew we couldn't discuss it here because we had many younger members, and that I was looking for accurate information rather than cheap thrills. I'm at a complete loss about it; I thought I was very responsible and discreet about the matter. I certainly didn't ask anything *specific*.
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RE: Disappearing posts

Postby zengargoyle » Sat 02.18.2006 8:55 pm

there are no threads started by CDarklock with anything like that title in the past 8 weeks. so it isn't lost somewhere, it either went *poof* on it's own or somebody deleted it. if nobody told you why it went poof... my take on it would be to just try again.

and/or just google 'sexuality in japan' and go from there...
Last edited by zengargoyle on Sat 02.18.2006 8:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: Disappearing posts

Postby CDarklock » Sat 02.18.2006 9:21 pm

zengargoyle wrote:
there are no threads started by CDarklock with anything like that title in the past 8 weeks.


I know, I checked. I thought maybe it was just in the wrong forum and someone moved it, but it's completely gone. (I debated over where it belonged: the general forum says "Anything about Japan or Japanese", but the culture forum says "questions and answers about living or visiting Japan", so after considering that I thought it more properly belonged in the general forum.)

if nobody told you why it went poof... my take on it would be to just try again.


My concern is that if a moderator has removed the thread, reposting it might look like I have no regard for the rules. I have had trouble in other forums where a moderator has taken a dislike to me, and generally speaking once that happens you may as well go ahead and leave - if the moderator doesn't like you, you are GOING to end up banned, and the only question is how much abuse you will suffer before it happens. If I've got some moderator up on a high horse about my dirty filthy mind wanting to know about the S word, I'd like to know about it so I can stop wasting my time here and go somewhere else.

and/or just google 'sexuality in japan' and go from there...


Have you tried this? I'm not interested in yet another discussion of ぶるせら or しばり, and I don't generally find research papers to have much connection with reality. There's a tremendous amount of sensationalist garbage out there, and I'm hoping someone knows where I can find a dose of reality.
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RE: Disappearing posts

Postby keatonatron » Sat 02.18.2006 9:50 pm

Well... just exactly WHAT do you want to know? I'm guessing information about the adult industry is readily available. The way people act in their everyday lives? I could give you personal opinions, but I don't know if there's any type of respectable report on it on the web.

Just for starters, people are both open and discreet about sex at the same time. Breasts are occasionally shown on daytime TV, and censorship for what can be shown in public is a lot looser than other countries (censorship for adult videos is a completely different subject). A lot of young people are very open about sex (especially girls), and will share gory details with their friends upon request. Sex is seen as an essential, natural part of life, and young people are taught so from a young age (I guess" young age" depends on your personal opinion).

But at the same time, many people seem very reserved. Public displays of affection are seen MUCH less than other countries. Couples holding hands is okay, but hugging is rarely seen, much less kissing in public.
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RE: Disappearing posts

Postby AJBryant » Sat 02.18.2006 9:56 pm

Well, if you did what I've done more than once...

I've been known to click on "preview post" instead of "submit post" from time to time, and then close the window down without looking at it and seeing that it's a preview rather than "your post has been submitted" page.

I hate it when I do that.


Tony
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RE: Disappearing posts

Postby CDarklock » Sat 02.18.2006 10:10 pm

keatonatron wrote:
Well... just exactly WHAT do you want to know?


Well, when you get down to its most basic level: how does one *flirt* with the Japanese?

Let's say you're out at the grocery store in Japan, and you see an attractive Japanese woman. How do you indicate that you are attracted to her? Once you indicate that attraction, how do you determine whether she returns the attraction enough to consider a date? From date to date, what levels of emotional intimacy are generally assumed? And once you've dated sufficiently, what are the general rules and customs around (to use a somewhat vulgar colloquialism) "closing the deal"?

See, there's all kinds of material out there around what sort of sexual behavior you'll see among the Japanese, but there's nothing at all about the process from the inside. And this is just the wholesome monogamous romance angle; when you start talking about what we call "alternative lifestyles", a brand new set of questions comes up - which, given the number of teenagers here, would probably be best discussed elsewhere.
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RE: Disappearing posts

Postby zengargoyle » Sat 02.18.2006 10:11 pm

CDarklock wrote:
and/or just google 'sexuality in japan' and go from there...


Have you tried this? I'm not interested in yet another discussion of ぶるせら or しばり, and I don't generally find research papers to have much connection with reality. There's a tremendous amount of sensationalist garbage out there, and I'm hoping someone knows where I can find a dose of reality.


no, i've seen and read enough over the years to know just about as much as i want to know about sexuality in japan. :D if you're not willing to sift through the various papers, personal observations and fluff out there then maybe you should look for a book in the library. sexuality is one of those wide topics that is flavored by the person doing the writing, there probably isn't a particular web-page that has all the answers.

but i'm a research paper type of person, so i found http://www2.hu-berlin.de/sexology/IES/japan.html to be quite interesting... YMMV
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RE: Disappearing posts

Postby CDarklock » Sat 02.18.2006 10:51 pm

zengargoyle wrote:
sexuality is one of those wide topics that is flavored by the person doing the writing, there probably isn't a particular web-page that has all the answers.


I wasn't expecting to find one be-all and end-all web site, just someplace that would be a good starting point without having a clear へんたい focus.

but i'm a research paper type of person, so i found http://www2.hu-berlin.de/sexology/IES/japan.html to be quite interesting... YMMV


It is, but it doesn't really cover Japanese sexuality; it simply covers statistics of sexual behavior, and all the figures give a 404 not found error. I would have liked to see the graphs for section 5B.

The phenomenon of "Narita divorce" is fascinating, though:

"...the husband is so intimidated by overseas travel that he scarcely wants to leave his hotel room. The wife, on the other hand, has already taken several foreign trips with girlfriends [...] and she finds her husband a dreadful bore. So she dumps him at the end of the honeymoon..."

What surprises me is the scenario that women are apparently likely to have traveled overseas, while men are not. That's more or less the opposite of what I would expect.
Last edited by CDarklock on Sat 02.18.2006 10:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: Disappearing posts

Postby keatonatron » Sun 02.19.2006 3:14 am

Japan, just like every other country in the world, is comprised of all types of people. This would be like asking "how do people in America flirt and date?".

Just like America or Europe, there are people who will "hook up" with a random person they meet at a club and have a one night stand, then there are the people who will go on first dates with strangers and if things go well after a few dates they'll "seal the deal" :D, and then there's the kind of people who will only go on a first date with someone they already know really well (i.e. friend or coworker).

As for knowing if someone is flirting or not... That's probably hard to figure out as a foreigner. Being an American in Japan, it's hard to filter out the "Wow, an American, cool" feelings from the "Wow, he's really cute, I wanna date him" feelings one might get when meeting people. And, since mannerisms and whatnot are different between cultures... it's just hard to say really. AND, like I said before, everyone is different and shows their feelings in different ways!

If you are considering flirting with that woman in the grocery store, my advice is just act the same you would in your own country. How do you flirt with people of your own nationality? As long as you observe cultural no-no's (like not kissing people you aren't dating, even if it's only on the cheek as a friend), you can't really go wrong.

And if you do start dating... she'll let you know when it's time to "seal the deal" :p
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RE: Disappearing posts

Postby Daisuke » Sun 02.19.2006 10:18 am

Of course, THIS thread will probably end up deleted, too. Moderators are *fun* that way.


That sounds stupid to me.

mandolin wrote:
not to mention, there've been way worse topics than THAT on here that didn't get deleted....


Like what? Please post the links to all those many topics here. There was one where I have been a bit late (the one of spanks, cant remember title), but I am around often and I get around most topics.

The sexuality thread has been deleted. I believe the admin who did it meant that it was not supposed to be on this board, and it was not in Clay's interest that it was here. We (the admins) make decisions which we believe would be in Clay's interest. Try to understand that, just for once.
Last edited by Daisuke on Sun 02.19.2006 10:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: Disappearing posts

Postby keatonatron » Sun 02.19.2006 10:49 am

Daisuke wrote:
and it was not in Clay's interest that it was here. We (the admins) make decisions which we believe would be in Clay's interest.


I'm not at all trying to be conflictive or anything, but... what exactly are Clay's interests? If it's all for Clay, why was this board created? Is that information written anywhere? Reading a concrete explanation as to what is supposed to go on in this forum would be helpful for knowing what is appropriate and what is not.
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