Learn Japanese with JapanesePod101.com

View topic - Kanashii Inu no Hanashi - CH1

Kanashii Inu no Hanashi - CH1

Feel free to practice writing in Japanese or romaji. Help each other out with corrections or replying back in Japanese

Kanashii Inu no Hanashi - CH1

Postby TrilinguisT » Sun 03.19.2006 9:25 pm

Hello, im going to write a series of stories based on this title -- i hope this and my next to come chapters will show you where 4 years of japanese study can get you. - please enjoy and thank you for reading this - sorry it's entirely in romaji, but i cannot type in kana, so just bare with it and enjoy this story. note: this is my original writing.

CHAPTER 01 - Kamauko no tame ni kusuri -

Kowai hayashi no naka ni yaseteiru inu wa yuujin to sei ga takai ki no ue ni sundeimasu. yaseteiru inu no namae wa hideki desu. kami wa kirei de chairo desu. Midori no me to nagai mimi ga arimasu. hideki no yuujin wa chouchou to hitsuji desu. chouchou no namae wa kyouko desu. aoi me to utsukushikute kiiroi tsubasa ga arimasu. hitsuji no namae wa tamauko. shiroi kami to aoi me ga arimasu. sei ga takai ki no namae wa "zaa uchi" desu.

Aru hi hideki to kyouko wa samposhimashita. hideki wa "kyouko wa tokidoki kanashii no" wo mieru. "watashi? Hahahahahaha Baka da yo" kyouko wa kotaemashita. hideki wa "anou, yuube doushite naita ka?" to kikimashita.
"yume deshou wa ne. yuube yoku neta yo" kyouko wa iimashita. "Ja, doko ni ikiteru ka" to iimashita.
"isshou ni asoko de kudamono wo sagasu. Tamauko no tame ni ichigo ya ringo ya mikan wo mitsuketai. sonna kudamono kara ii kusuri wo tsukureru. tamauko wa 2shuukan gurai byoki da." to iimashita.
"isha ga nai no de zannen da..." kyoko wa kanashiku iimashita.
"kinishinaide, ichigo to mikan wa bakkari iru. ringo wa kusuri ni amakunaraseru." hideki wa kotaemashita.
kyouko wa chiisai koe de "yokatta" to iimashita.

hideki to kyouko wa kusamura he aruite mitsukemashita.

"yatto, kudamono no kusamura to kudamono ki to wo mitsuketa. hayaku hayaku tsumou" kyouko wa iimashita. "koko ni ichigo ga aru kana" to iimashita. "ara, sore ni - ookii da yo" kyouko san wa sakebimashita.

CHAPTER O1 owari --

ps. dou deshita ka? :D hope you enjoyed it.
User avatar
TrilinguisT
 
Posts: 565
Joined: Sun 03.05.2006 11:48 pm

RE: Kanashii Inu no Hanashi - CH1

Postby AJBryant » Sun 03.19.2006 11:07 pm

I really recommend you go with one paragraph at a time. People are more likely willing to help and make corrections where they are working with a smaller, more limited amount of material. This is just too daunting and would just take too long.

That and it's entirely in romaji, which makes my hair hurt.

Tony
User avatar
AJBryant
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5313
Joined: Sun 10.09.2005 11:29 am
Location: Indiana
Native language: English
Gender: Male

RE: Kanashii Inu no Hanashi - CH1

Postby richvh » Sun 03.19.2006 11:23 pm

「背が高い木の上に」: shouldn't that be 「高い木の下に」? Dogs and sheep aren't much for climbing trees, and 「背が高い」 I think only applies to people.

You really ought to compose on JWPce or Wakan (which have their own IMEs) if you aren't able to install the Microsoft IME.

Edit: forgot a の
Last edited by richvh on Mon 03.20.2006 11:04 am, edited 1 time in total.
Richard VanHouten
ゆきの物語
richvh
 
Posts: 6451
Joined: Thu 09.29.2005 10:35 pm

RE: Kanashii Inu no Hanashi - CH1

Postby TrilinguisT » Sun 03.19.2006 11:32 pm

richvh wrote:
「背が高い木の上に」: shouldn't that be 「高い木下に」? Dogs and sheep aren't much for climbing trees, and 「背が高い」 I think only applies to people.

You really ought to compose on JWPce or Wakan (which have their own IMEs) if you aren't able to install the Microsoft IME.


Thats why i love the word Fantasy --
User avatar
TrilinguisT
 
Posts: 565
Joined: Sun 03.05.2006 11:48 pm

RE: Kanashii Inu no Hanashi - CH1

Postby Oracle » Sun 03.19.2006 11:54 pm

Kowai hayashi no naka ni yaseteiru inu wa yuujin to sei ga takai ki no ue ni sundeimasu


Cool story. Just a few ideas for corrections

Since this is the first sentence and you're establishing/introducting the main character and setting the scene for a story it should be が instead of は

Yuujin is ok, but tomodachi is probably better to fit the style of the story. I think it's better to add issho ni as well.

The 背が高い part isn't necessary - you can just say 高い木 - but if you do want to use it then changing it to 背高い木 sounds better.

Kowai hayashi no naka ni yaseteiru inu ga tomodachi to issho ni sei no takai ki no ue ni sundeimasu
Last edited by Oracle on Mon 03.20.2006 12:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Oracle
 
Posts: 537
Joined: Mon 02.13.2006 9:03 am
Native language: English

RE: Kanashii Inu no Hanashi - CH1

Postby coco » Mon 03.20.2006 1:17 am

which makes my hair hurt.

sorry, although it's out of the topic, once there was a nice advertising copy.
抜け始めて分かる 髪は 長〜い 友だち by Hair tonic producing company :D
 
coco
 
Posts: 3061
Joined: Mon 05.30.2005 12:43 am
Location: 東京都
Native language: 日本語(Japanese)

RE: Kanashii Inu no Hanashi - CH1

Postby Harisenbon » Mon 03.20.2006 2:48 am

I agree with Tony. There's no way I can/will read through 3 paragraphs of romaji. ;)

From what other people have typed out
背が高い木 sounds weird. 背 means back or ridge. 背が高い is generally only used for people.

I think that やせた would be better than やせている (to me at least) やせている has the feeling that the dog is continually getting skinnier, or that you are comparing with another point in time. やせた犬 would just mean a "lean dog"
User avatar
Harisenbon
 
Posts: 2964
Joined: Tue 06.14.2005 3:24 am
Location: Gifu, Japan
Native language: (poor) English

RE: Kanashii Inu no Hanashi - CH1

Postby Oracle » Mon 03.20.2006 2:55 am

Harisenbon wrote:
I agree with Tony. There's no way I can/will read through 3 paragraphs of romaji. ;)

From what other people have typed out
背が高い木 sounds weird. 背 means back or ridge. 背が高い is generally only used for people.

I think that やせた would be better than やせている (to me at least) やせている has the feeling that the dog is continually getting skinnier, or that you are comparing with another point in time. やせた犬 would just mean a "lean dog"


fyi it is ok to use 背の/が高い for things other than people: buildings, furniture (a wardrobe etc.)..and trees. Normally you'd just say 高い though

Both やせた and やせている are fine, but やせている gives it a bit more emphasis (doesn't by itself really have that sense that of something getting skinnier and skinnier though.. ) Anyway, I'd agree and go with やせた for this one.
Last edited by Oracle on Mon 03.20.2006 3:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Oracle
 
Posts: 537
Joined: Mon 02.13.2006 9:03 am
Native language: English

RE: Kanashii Inu no Hanashi - CH1

Postby Harisenbon » Mon 03.20.2006 9:57 am

fyi it is ok to use 背の/が高い for things other than people: buildings, furniture (a wardrobe etc.)..and trees.


hehhhhhhh. I could have sworn that it was wrong, but have received confermation. ;) Thanks for the correction! Sorry to double guess you!
User avatar
Harisenbon
 
Posts: 2964
Joined: Tue 06.14.2005 3:24 am
Location: Gifu, Japan
Native language: (poor) English


Return to 日本語の練習 (Practice Japanese)

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Dobsonpt and 4 guests