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some funny quotes

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some funny quotes

Postby ashitaka » Wed 03.08.2006 10:56 am

otes"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you
least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of
your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
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"Aim towards the Enemy."

Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
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"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

U.S. Marine Corps
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"Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are
guaranteed to always hit the ground."

USAF Ammo Troop
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"If the enemy is in range, so are you."

Infantry Journal
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"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just
bombed."

U.S. Air Force Manual
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"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never
encountered automatic weapons."

General MacArthur
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"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
Infantry Journal

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"You, you, and you .. Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
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"Tracers work both ways."

U.S. Army Ordnance
--------------------------------------
"Five second fuses only last three seconds."

Infantry Journal

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"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever
volunteer to do anything."

U.S. Navy Swabbie
---------------------------------------------------
"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
David Hackworth
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"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."

Infantry Journal
----------------------------------------------------
"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

-----------------------------------------------------

"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... Once."
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"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."

Unknown Marine Recruit
-----------------------------------------------------

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."

Your Buddies
-----------------------------------------------------
"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."

USAF Ammo Troop
-----------------------------------------------------
"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I
am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."

At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan

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"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."

Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
-----------------------------------------------------

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

-----------------------------------------------------

"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than
submarines in the sky."

From an old carrier sailor
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"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a
helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
-----------------------------------------------------

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough
power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

-----------------------------------------------------

"Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club."

-----------------------------------------------------

"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If
a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up.... The pilot dies."

-----------------------------------------------------

"Never trade luck for skill."

-----------------------------------------------------

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation
are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" And "Oh S...!"

-----------------------------------------------------

"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

-----------------------------------------------------

"Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot
pregnant."

-----------------------------------------------------

"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully
complete the flight."

-----------------------------------------------------

"A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a
row is prevarication."

-----------------------------------------------------

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

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"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the
purpose of storing dead batteries."

-----------------------------------------------------

"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a
person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

-----------------------------------------------------

"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely
kill you."

Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

-----------------------------------------------------

"A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to
its maximum."

Jon McBride, astronaut

-----------------------------------------------------

"If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the
crash as possible."

Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

-----------------------------------------------------

"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."

----------------------------------------------------

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."

Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

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"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

-----------------------------------------------------

Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go
near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the
appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It
is much more difficult to fly there."

------------------------------------------------------

"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full
power to taxi to the terminal."

------------------------------------------------------

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn
off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives,
the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?". The
pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"

Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot
ashitaka
 
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RE: some funny quotes

Postby TrilinguisT » Sun 03.19.2006 10:21 pm

whoa, were you like.... bored or something?
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RE: some funny quotes

Postby crowfeather » Sun 03.19.2006 10:43 pm

These are hilarious!!
Unfortunately they appear to be true .
Thanks for sharing
Barbara
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RE: some funny quotes

Postby Hark » Mon 03.20.2006 7:42 am

:D can't stop laughing...
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RE: some funny quotes

Postby clay » Mon 03.20.2006 9:15 am

"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the
purpose of storing dead batteries."

So true!

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."

Ha!
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RE: some funny quotes

Postby Zeo » Mon 03.20.2006 9:21 am

Image
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RE: some funny quotes

Postby ashitaka » Mon 03.20.2006 11:36 am

I was a "little" boared.
"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full
power to taxi to the terminal."

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn
off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives,
the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?". The
pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"
Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot

that was an actual quote. the video was funny ill try to find the link. (he wasnt that bloody)
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RE: some funny quotes

Postby Shibakoen » Mon 03.20.2006 11:47 am

Note to others: Don't read in the library. You will be stared at.
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RE: some funny quotes

Postby ashitaka » Mon 03.20.2006 6:13 pm

"I reject your reallity and substitute my own" adam savage (myth busters discovery channel)
"All fiction is true, only the names, places, and events have been changed" me (speech about literature)

At my local library lots of people read. However at the higschool library the students study anatomy. (and the anatomy books are in the textbook dipository.)
Last edited by ashitaka on Mon 03.20.2006 6:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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