Composition

[Kadachi]

Hi
since this is my first post i would like to say great site. i have been looking through it for a few months since i found it and started japanese at uni. keep up the good work.

well ive got a composition i have to do for uni. we have to find a personal ad and write a reply. I would like your feed back on grammer, spelling, anything you can see i should know about as i prolly wouldnt find it myself yet. only been studying this year. we are using the minna no nihongo books, and were up to lesson 6, and lesson 5 of the kanji book. we have to keep to what we have learned at uni(keep that in mind, coz i dont really wanna look like a smarty pants then they ask me how i know this and i look like a complete wank!)
any way sorry for the long post. here it is

こんにちわ　さゆみさん。
わたしは　ジョナサン　です。　オーストラリア人　です。　アデレドから　きました。　アデレドだいがくへいきます。　アデレドだいがくの　ドクターコース　と日本語　べんきょうします。　月曜日　と　火曜日　と　水曜日　と　金曜日　に　大学へ　いきます。　木曜日　と　土曜日　と　日曜日　やすみます。毎日　でんしゃのとっきゅうで　午後８時に　だいがくへ　いきます。　毎朝　朝ごはん　パンを　たべます。　それから　ジュースを　のみます。　たんょうびは　５月２１日　です。　ファンターシの本を　よみます。
さようなら
ジョナサン

[Harisenbon]

アデレドだいがくへいきます。　アデレドだいがくの　ドクターコース　と日本語　べんきょうします。

This is currently in future tense. If you are talking about your current situation, You need to put it into いっていま

毎朝　朝ごはん　パンを　たべます

you need a に after 朝ごはん

たんょうびは　５月２１日　です

You misspelled birthday.

Pretty good! Keep up the good work!

[Kadachi]

thanks for the feedback harisenbon.

Harisenbon wrote:

アデレドだいがくへいきます。　アデレドだいがくの　ドクターコース　と日本語　べんきょうします。

This is currently in future tense. If you are talking about your current situation, You need to put it into いっていま

毎朝　朝ごはん　パンを　たべます

you need a に after 朝ごはん

i thought the rule with Ni is you always use it after numerals, you can you it with words and days of the week, dates dont need it.

たんょうびは　５月２１日　です

You misspelled birthday.

yeah picked that up after i posted.

After going over it i thought it needed abit more variety so i changed it somewhat.

こんにちわ　さゆみさん。

わたしは　ジョナサン　です。　オーストラリア人　です。アデレドから　来ました。　二庶lさい　です。　アデレド大学のドクターコースと日本語べんきゅうします。　毎日電車のとっきゅうで大学へ行きます。　大学の八時から四時まで行きます。　月曜日と火曜日と水曜日と金曜日に大学行きます。　毎日IMVSのしょくどうで昼ごはんをたべましす。　毎朝　午後６時におきます、　それから　朝ごはんに　パンをたべます、　それから　ジュースをのみます。　たんじょうびは　５月２１日です。　ファンターシの本をよみます。　えいがとあにめをみます。　来年日本へ行きます、　それからおはなみとすもをします。

さようなら
ジョナサン

[Christian_]

Kadachi wrote:

こんにちわ　さゆみさん。

Konnichiwa is written こんにちは. What does アデレド and さゆみ mean? I couldn't find it in the WWWJDIC.

[Kadachi]

Kurisuchan wrote:

Kadachi wrote:

こんにちわ　さゆみさん。

Konnichiwa is written こんにちは. What does アレド and さゆ mean? I couldn't find it in the WWWJDIC.

さゆみーさん　persons name

アデレド　Adelaide, name of a capital city in Australia

[Christian_]

Thanks, that clears it up. Is Sayumi your teacher/sensei? You might want to use Sensei「先生 」if she is.

[coco]

We write アデレード as Adelaide.

毎日　でんしゃのとっきゅうで　午後８時に　だいがくへ　いきます。

午後８時 means 20：00, if you go to 大学 at 08:00, 午前８時 could be correct.

大学の八時から四時まで行きます。

8時から4時まで大学に行きます。/大学に8時から4時まで[行きます。/ います。]

月曜日と火曜日と水曜日と金曜日に大学行きます。

〜金曜日に大学に行きます。

毎日IMVSのしょくどうで昼ごはんをたべましす。

昼ごはんをたべます。(no need し)

毎朝　午後６時におきます、

午前６時におきます。
fantasy　＝ファンタジー

それからおはなみとすもをします。

If you will do お花見 and play すもう(相撲)wrestling,
それから おはなみと すもう をします。is Okay.

If you will see sakura blossoms, also going to see sumo wrestling games
それから お花見をして (お)すもう を 見ます。 might be better.

来年、日本に行ったら、お花見や相撲観戦をしたいと思います。 is also okay.

hope it helps.

[Kadachi]

coco wrote:
We write アデレード as Adelaide.
Cheers coco

毎日　でんしゃのとっきゅうで　午後８時に　だいがくへ　いきます。

午後８時 means 20：00, if you go to 大学 at 08:00, 午前８時 could be correct.

毎朝　午後６時におきます、

午前６時におきます。

yea i was getting my am and pm mixed up.

月曜日と火曜日と水曜日と金曜日に大学行きます。

〜金曜日に大学に行きます。

why is there two に’ｓ im unsure why.

それからおはなみとすもをします。

If you will do お花見 and play すもう(相撲)wrestling,
それから おはなみと すもう をします。is Okay.

If you will see sakura blossoms, also going to see sumo wrestling games
それから お花見をして (お)すもう を 見ます。 might be better.

im trying to say i will go see cherry-blossoms and go see sumo wrestling.
not sure if i have to say/know how to say "go cherry-blossom viewing and watch sumo wrestling.

hope it helps.

very much so.

one thing thou, what is a "normal" way of ending a letter, like in english we put "yours sincerly" something like that?

[phuriku]

月曜日と火曜日と水曜日と金曜日に大学行きます。

I suppose this is correct, but it sounds rather unnatural. Couldn't you shorten it by just writing the beginning kanji (e.g. 月⋅火）?

〜金曜日に大学に行きます。

why is there two に’ｓ im unsure why.

There can be two に's in one sentence. It doesn't sound particularly unnatural. You wrote へ, which is also correct. I don't think this particularly needs revision. に or へ are both able to be used.

im trying to say i will go see cherry-blossoms and go see sumo wrestling.
not sure if i have to say/know how to say "go cherry-blossom viewing and watch sumo wrestling.

You don't sound like you've been studying for very long, so I doubt you know the -te form, as everyone has apparently been showing you.

However, this would sound the most natural. I also don't think お花見をする sounds very well. As far as I've heard, お花見に行く sounds better. Therefore, I would write:

お花見（はなみ）に行って相撲（すもう）を見ます。

Or, if you don't want to use the -te form:

お花見に行きます。相撲を見ます。

one thing thou, what is a "normal" way of ending a letter, like in english we put "yours sincerly" something like that?

In the letters I've seen, if it's formal (which yours seems to be because of your use of the -masu form), you can end it with どうぞよろしくおねがいします。 I've also seen before the ending statement: 「名前」によろしくおつたえください。（つたえください is the very polite command for 'impart,' so it basically says "impart my greetings to [whomever]."

[Kadachi]

phuriku wrote:

月曜日と火曜日と水曜日と金曜日に大学行きます。

I suppose this is correct, but it sounds rather unnatural. Couldn't you shorten it by just writing the beginning kanji (e.g. 月⋅火）?

not sure how, havent been taught yet.

〜金曜日に大学に行きます。

why is there two に’ｓ im unsure why.

There can be two に's in one sentence. It doesn't sound particularly unnatural. You wrote へ, which is also correct. I don't think this particularly needs revision. に or へ are both able to be used.

thnx for the clarification

im trying to say i will go see cherry-blossoms and go see sumo wrestling.
not sure if i have to say/know how to say "go cherry-blossom viewing and watch sumo wrestling.
You don't sound like you've been studying for very long, so I doubt you know the -te form, as everyone has apparently been showing you.

However, this would sound the most natural. I also don't think お花見をする sounds very well. As far as I've heard, お花見に行く sounds better. Therefore, I would write:

お花見（はなみ）に行って相撲（すもう）を見ます。

Or, if you don't want to use the -te form:

お花見に行きます。相撲を見ます。

i have to keep it in the confinds of what we have been taught so far this year, and havent come across the -te form yet so i will leave it out this time.

one thing thou, what is a "normal" way of ending a letter, like in english we put "yours sincerly" something like that?

In the letters I've seen, if it's formal (which yours seems to be because of your use of the -masu form), you can end it with どうぞよろしくおねがいします。 I've also seen before the ending statement: 「名前」によろしくおつたえください。（つたえください is the very polite command for 'impart,' so it basically says "impart my greetings to [whomever]."

thnx i really didnt want to end the letter with a simple goodbye

thanks for everyones help so far. this is how it looks ATM
こんにちは　さゆみさん。

わたしは　ジョナサン　です。　オーストラリア人　です。アデレードから　来ました。　二庶lさい　です。　アデレド大学のドクターコースと日本語べんきゅうします。　毎日電車のとっきゅうで大学へ行きます。　８時から４時まで大学に行きます。　月曜日と火曜日と水曜日と金曜日に大学に行きます。　毎日IMVSのしょくどうで昼ごはんをたべます。　毎朝　 午前６時におきます、　それから　朝ごはんに　パンをたべます、　それから　ジュースをのみます。　たんじょうびは　５月２１日です。　ファンタジーの本をよみます。　えいがとあにめをみます。　来年日本へ行きます、　それからおはなみをします、それから　すもうをみます。
どうぞよろしくおねがいします
ジョナサン

[coco]

If you 'd like to say "I am from Adelaide". we rather say アデレードの出身(しゅっしん)です。 you can use 「〜から来ました」 only when you are in front of 2nd person.( when you meet さゆみさん you can use it , but 「〜から来ました」 represents not only your home town/country)

Could you please tell as what " アデレード大学のドクターコースと日本語べんきょうします means exactly?

I guess アデレード大学の大学院で○○と日本語を専攻しています。or
アデレード大学の大学院(だいがくいん)で○○をけんきゅう しながら 日本語も べんきょう しています。

お花見をする= I m going to [ have/ join] the Hanami party.( the chances you can do お花見 is only in end of March to early April. Only one week in a year )
お花見に行くつもりです = i will go see cherry-blossoms.

Check 「〜たら」「つもり」 forms. I think it will work.
I think you can use 来年、日本に行った○○をするつもりです。
related thread

By the way, ATM=Automated teller machine ?

[seiryuu]

coco wrote:
Could you please tell as what " アデレード大学のドクターコースと日本語べんきょうします means exactly?

I think she's trying to say that she studies Auderaide (sp?) University's doctor course and Japanese course.

[Kadachi]

coco wrote:

Could you please tell as what " アデレード大学のドクターコースと日本語べんきょうします means exactly?

I study medicine and japanese at adelaide university.

i talked to my teacher and she said it would be better to use 医学

By the way, ATM=Automated teller machine ?

ATM= At The Moment

[coco]

ドクターコース（博士課程）means "doctoral program" in Japan.
大学院(だいがくいん)＝graduate school．

If you are a graduate [postgraduate] student,（taking a doctoral program）
I think we say
アデレード大学の大学院で医学と日本語を勉強（べんきょう）しています。

if you are an undergraduate.
・アデレード大学で、医学と日本語を勉強しています。
・アデレード大学の医学部で医学と日本語を勉強しています。
医学部(いがくぶ)＝the faculty of medicine.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_school#Japan

Please check　"〜て form". Tae kim's site will help you.
アデレード大学で日本語を勉強します means rather "I will study Japanese at Adelaide university."
( the thoughts of tense are different between English and Japanese)

ATM= At The Moment

thanks for teaching.