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Relationship help.

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RE: Relationship help.

Postby requemao » Sat 08.19.2006 8:32 pm

redfoxer wrote:
And if you do tell her how you feel (like ongakuka-san said, the worst thing really that could happen is that they don't return your feelings and that does hurt but time heals wounds) and she wants to just be friends, she most likely only wants to be friends (with a few exeptions).


kanadajin wrote:
Ask her out.. The worst she can do is say no. If she does say no then she'll know you like her, and that might make her start to like you. even if your the shyist person on earth once you get it over with it's easy. Also if she does say no you wont be feeling that way anymore, you might still like her but you wont shake and whatever. If she says yes after a few days you shouldn't shake and feel nervous around her.


I'm sorry to disagree (with the underlined words). In my humble opinion, there is a much worse thing that could happen: she says yes, it all begins well, but it ends wrong.

If I read correctly, he has to teach her Japanese. So, if by any reason it becomes uncomfortable to be around her, then everything can be far more difficult.
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RE: Relationship help.

Postby Shibakoen » Sat 08.19.2006 11:23 pm

requemao wrote:
redfoxer wrote:
And if you do tell her how you feel (like ongakuka-san said, the worst thing really that could happen is that they don't return your feelings and that does hurt but time heals wounds) and she wants to just be friends, she most likely only wants to be friends (with a few exeptions).


kanadajin wrote:
Ask her out.. The worst she can do is say no. If she does say no then she'll know you like her, and that might make her start to like you. even if your the shyist person on earth once you get it over with it's easy. Also if she does say no you wont be feeling that way anymore, you might still like her but you wont shake and whatever. If she says yes after a few days you shouldn't shake and feel nervous around her.


I'm sorry to disagree (with the underlined words). In my humble opinion, there is a much worse thing that could happen: she says yes, it all begins well, but it ends wrong.

If I read correctly, he has to teach her Japanese. So, if by any reason it becomes uncomfortable to be around her, then everything can be far more difficult.


I disagree. The only way that a "yes" can possibly end up worse than a "no" is if she's the psycho from "Audition" and you end up sleeping in a bag with no feet, tongue or fingers and eat vomit from a dog bowl.

From what I've read, it sounds like you don't have "a relationship" with the girl yet. The biggest mistake you can make is to read too much into anything. Have fun on the picnic, but don't profess your undying love for her or anything. Obviously I'm not going to be able to hide in the bushes and tell you what to say or anything, but just take it easy. Be nice and have fun but don't go overboard.
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RE: Relationship help.

Postby Rsquared333 » Sat 08.19.2006 11:41 pm

Shibakoen wrote:
Obviously I'm not going to be able to hide in the bushes and tell you what to say or anything,


What? No Cyrano de Bergerac in this love story?
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RE: Relationship help.

Postby Schattenjedi » Sat 08.19.2006 11:42 pm

Shibakoen wrote:Obviously I'm not going to be able to hide in the bushes and tell you what to say or anything, but just take it easy.


löl. If only...
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RE: Oh well

Postby Parks San » Sun 08.20.2006 12:59 am

She chose to go out with the other guy, i guess I'll stay a friend, it's okay though because i will have fun on the picnic, besides she's on the rebound and needs more time. i really wish that i could find a nice girl, do girls like guys that speak other languages, cook, notice things, and care about the girl instead of sex?
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RE: Relationship help.

Postby Rsquared333 » Sun 08.20.2006 5:42 am

I know it sounds odd but when you stop looking you will find the girl you were looking for.

At least that happened for me.
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RE: Relationship help.

Postby redfoxer » Sun 08.20.2006 7:03 am

requemao wrote:
I'm sorry to disagree (with the underlined words). In my humble opinion, there is a much worse thing that could happen: she says yes, it all begins well, but it ends wrong.

If I read correctly, he has to teach her Japanese. So, if by any reason it becomes uncomfortable to be around her, then everything can be far more difficult.


I'd say it is the worst case scenario thats plausable at that point in time. Sure it could be worse if she started dating you then ended up cheating on you, but thats thinking way to far ahead in regards to starting a new relationship.

Getting rejected hurts. That's a fact but until you learn that its only a small price to pay for something that could turn out more rewarding, you'll end up never being confident around girls, and thus not being more than "just a friend" to them. (not directed at anyone....i tend to rant)

Parks San wrote:
She chose to go out with the other guy, i guess I'll stay a friend, it's okay though because i will have fun on the picnic, besides she's on the rebound and needs more time. i really wish that i could find a nice girl, do girls like guys that speak other languages, cook, notice things, and care about the girl instead of sex?


I'm glad your okay with that. Your taking that more maturely than other guys would. Give her time, if she really does like you, she'll come round to you when she's ready, and yes, there are girls out there that like men who treat them special. In fact, i could say all girls love guys who treat them special. You just need to be patient and one will come.

Rsquared333 wrote:
I know it sounds odd but when you stop looking you will find the girl you were looking for.

At least that happened for me.


I'd agree with you there that love can come when you least expect it.
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RE: Relationship help.

Postby kanadajin » Sun 08.20.2006 8:20 pm

I'm sorry to disagree (with the underlined words). In my humble opinion, there is a much worse thing that could happen: she says yes, it all begins well, but it ends wrong.


I have a response to that but I've been here for like 20 mintues trying to figure out how to say it.. -_-"

I know it sounds odd but when you stop looking you will find the girl you were looking for.

At least that happened for me.


Yeah that kinda happened to me too. When I was looking for GF's I couldn't find anyone. Then I stopped looking and someone I haven't seen for years just suddenly came to visit her aunt or something. I liked her when she used to live here but we were just kids(yeah okay.. we still are) I was like what? 8 she was 9.. she asked me to dance I just laughed and ran away. I knew I should have said yes.. And now I regret saying no. She likes me but she lives no where near me. She is moving closer. but still far.
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RE: Relationship help.

Postby keatonatron » Mon 08.21.2006 6:19 am

redfoxer wrote:
If you really loved her, you'd try to be there for her, no matter who she goes out with, not try to stop her from going out with anyone else but you.


So you're saying if the person you were in love with decided to go out with some other guy, you'd be just fine with it? :D
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RE: Relationship help.

Postby redfoxer » Mon 08.21.2006 3:51 pm

keatonatron wrote:
redfoxer wrote:
If you really loved her, you'd try to be there for her, no matter who she goes out with, not try to stop her from going out with anyone else but you.


So you're saying if the person you were in love with decided to go out with some other guy, you'd be just fine with it? :D


Obviously giving her up isn't going to be easy. It's still a pretty bitter pill to swallow when you see a girl you like, and are close with, dating someone else, let alone love (man have i been there a few times).
But if you truely did love someone, you'd understand that they've made their own choice about who they want to be with and maybe it's not ment to be. Maybe it is and all she needs is time and space to realise what she has in front of her. It's hard not to be clingy with a girl you really liked, but people don't like clingy people. You have to learn to move on, and give them space and hope for the best.

Not saying leave it to fate and not do anything at all. Just be yourself. Love makes people do all sorts of irrational things. Thats why love is like a drug. Addictive and changes you, for better or worse. (not to mention all the money you spend! joke :p)

edit- sp mistakes
Last edited by redfoxer on Mon 08.21.2006 3:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: Relationship help.

Postby Schattenjedi » Mon 08.21.2006 5:04 pm

redfoxer wrote: It's hard not to be clingy with a girl you really liked, but people don't like clingy people.


Being clingy about your partner isn't absolutely bad. Some people like having a clingy partner because it's one way of showing how much they like you. Having no suspicion at all about who your girlfriend is with and where is not smart. It means you won't know she's having an affair until you walk in on her with another guy. Mind you, that's an extreme example, but personally I think you should hold on tight to that which you treasure.
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RE: Relationship help.

Postby StarvingMusician » Mon 08.21.2006 6:24 pm

Ongakuka wrote:
I'm going to say what they always say in Disney movies: Just tell the girl how ya feel! Then you'll get one of three reactions:

1. Slap (It feels nice, trust me)
2. I'm sorry, I just don't feel that way (painful)
3. Oh, I don't knokw what to say... (SCORE!)


It's always good to make sure you've known the girl for a while before you tell her how you feel or else, she'll avoid you and things will be forever destroyed. But that's just my experience. However things are going pretty good about now. So just tell her how you feel when the time is right. ;)
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RE: Relationship help.

Postby redfoxer » Tue 08.22.2006 6:25 am

Schattenjedi wrote:
Being clingy about your partner isn't absolutely bad. Some people like having a clingy partner because it's one way of showing how much they like you. Having no suspicion at all about who your girlfriend is with and where is not smart. It means you won't know she's having an affair until you walk in on her with another guy. Mind you, that's an extreme example, but personally I think you should hold on tight to that which you treasure.


Sure being clingy may help you notice if your girl/guy is going to cheat on you sooner, but being clingy won't help you keep them.

Generally, if their going to cheat on you, it's because they've found an alternative to you or they've just lost their inhibitions (such as when drunk, etc) or intrest in you. Being clingy isn't going to stop that.

Also, being disinterested, like you mentioned, is only going to make her wonder how you feel about her anyway, everyone likes to feel like their wanted, and that's totally different to being clingy. Asking them where their going from time to time shows intrest. Constantly asking where their going is clingy. And clingy people tend to suffocate relationships. Not asking/caring at all shows disinterest, and if you was disinterested, you wouldn't be in the relationship! I never said to ignore them. Just give them space. Disinterested people tend to lose the other person in the relationship because the other person feels they are doing all the "work" keeping the relationship alive.

Sometimes, the more you pull at something, the more it tries to get away. And if you don't pull at all, your never going to get anywhere.

Like ying and yang, you just need to find the balance.
Last edited by redfoxer on Tue 08.22.2006 6:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: Relationship help.

Postby two_heads_talking » Wed 08.23.2006 3:18 pm

keatonatron wrote:
redfoxer wrote:
If you really loved her, you'd try to be there for her, no matter who she goes out with, not try to stop her from going out with anyone else but you.


So you're saying if the person you were in love with decided to go out with some other guy, you'd be just fine with it? :D


@ keatonatron)) i don't know, if the girl you love decides to have an interest with someone else, what do you do? anything besides letting her do what she would like is shallow, insensitive and a quite frankly bullish?

@ no one in general

i mean it seems to me that too many people have the girl, and don't realize she has free agency as well. If you are a stand up person you can still have a relationship, (it may not be intimate but still) and that, my friends is called growing up.. if you hate them just because they decided you weren't their cup of tea anymore, you might wonder just how mature you really are..
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RE: Relationship help.

Postby two_heads_talking » Wed 08.23.2006 3:20 pm

redfoxer wrote:


Sometimes, the more you pull at something, the more it tries to get away. And if you don't pull at all, your never going to get anywhere.

Like ying and yang, you just need to find the balance.


what's the quote i am looking for?

If you love something, set it free. If it was meant for you it will come back. If it was not meant for you, relish the moments and cherish the good that came of it..
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