Haiku Translation

[ika_squid]

Kon'nichiwa. I just joined about a half hour ago! Could someone translate the following two-verse haiku into English?

Kanji + Hiragana:
優雅 な 雲
白 は 新 な
地球 を です

但し 黒
は 熱 悪 を
描く また

Hiragana:
ゆーが な くも
しろ は あらた な
ちきゆー を です

しかし くろ
は あつい あく を
えがく また

I got the following:
Elegant clouds
White is earth anew

However black portrays
thermal badness as well
____________________________________________________________________
Thank you for any help.
********************************************************************

[ika_squid]

If anybody is working on this one yet, please let me know.

[netarou]

That haiku is broken, I think.
I made new haiku/senryuu based on your translation.

雅なる雲
生まれ変われる
星白し

されどまた
黒示したるは
熱地獄

Hiragana:
がなるくも
うまれかわれる
ほししろし

されどまた
くろしめしたるは
ねつじごく

我が努力
報はるべしとぞ
思ふのみ
(hope this helps.)

[ika_squid]

There is just one problem which I notice. The second line of the first verse has one mora too many.Thanks though.

[ika_squid]

Have you noted this error yet?

[netarou]

The second line of the first verse has one mora too many.

It is called 字余り and doesn't matter at all.
Look this famous 短歌 written by 天智天皇.
秋の田の　かりほの庵の　苫をあらみ　わが衣手は　露にぬれつつ
苫をあらみ at 上の句 has six moras.
I quoted 短歌 but 字余り and 字足らず are often seen in 俳句 and 川柳 as well.

こは歌の基とも言ふべきものなれば、和殿の手習不足なる事もあらむ。
吾儕も詩歌に疎かれば、人にとやかく垂ｷべきにあらねど、いささか心許なく思ひて斯様に垂ｷなり。

[ika_squid]

How exactly does 字余り work? I translated it as hypermetric. Is this correct? Is it basically counting a compound syllable as one mora?

[netarou]

Sorry but I don't know if hypermetric is a correct translation or not.
字余り is allowed when extra mora doesn't disturb the rhythm.

http://homepage1.nifty.com/vine/kasetsu.htm
This link may help (all in Japanese).

http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/japanese/hyakunin/
And this site introduces 百人一首.
You should try reading 百人一首 aloud to feel the rhythm.

頑張りましょう。:)

[ika_squid]

Oh, okay. Thank you.