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I screwed up :-(

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I screwed up :-(

Postby MenomaMinx » Fri 07.22.2005 1:52 am

My new penpal wrote me two letters in quick succession -- both in which said he was lonely. Since I received both letters at once, I replied to them both at once. Very long 19 kB replies because I thought he felt neglected because I didn't answer the first e-mail right away -- big mistake.

Looking back, I think he must have had his first two e-mail to me partially precomposed before he decided on anyone at all to contact on the site. Even with that, his English was basic. I'm pretty sure I overwhelmed him in an effort to make up for not replying right away.


Here's what I just wrote. I rarely do any writing to anyone in Japanese as I mostly translate. Looking back, I'm pretty sure I was rude and came off as telling him he was stupid. How bad is it?

Subject : 私 の 英語 は、分からない だろう か。

| | | Inbox


それでは、私 の 日本語 を 試す しましょう か。

どう 思います か。

返事 を する、OK?

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RE: I screwed up :-(

Postby Harisenbon » Fri 07.22.2005 4:48 am

Subject : 私 の 英語 は、分からない だろう か。

Jesus stompdancing christ! Are you trying to start a fight? (and you need a が there, not a は)

Besides that, I have no idea what you're trying to say. It doesn't really make sense.

Are you trying to say, let's try out my japanese? What do you think? I'll respond. OK?
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RE: I screwed up :-(

Postby MenomaMinx » Fri 07.22.2005 9:22 am

Worse than I thought :-(

Okay, what I actually meant:

Subject line = about my English, not understood possibly?

First sentence of e-mail = if that is the case, my Japanese let's try?

Second sentence = What do you think? {Of my idea}

Do reply, okay? {To what I said}

Last line = my name

Any idea how to fix this, or is this one of those things where you just spend the rest of your life in hiding ?
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RE: I screwed up :-(

Postby Gaijinian » Sun 07.24.2005 11:44 pm

試すしましょう is Not correct. Go with 使(つか)ってみましょう。
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RE: I screwed up :-(

Postby lomagu » Mon 07.25.2005 5:31 am

I'm not sure I'd even use the 私 の 英語 は、分からない だろう か。 sentence... maybe something like, 私の英語が分からなかったら、ごめんね。(I'm not sure if that form of 分からない is correct or not).. I think it sounds nicer.

Next,
もしそうだとしたら、日本語で話してみましょうか。
どう思いますか。
返事してください。
... is probably ok unless anyone has anything better.
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RE: I screwed up :-(

Postby Gaijinian » Mon 07.25.2005 7:16 pm

私はいらっしゃらないのですが、留守番電話(機)に届いてきました。ピンだったら、返事をさせて頂くようにお名前やお電話番号などを含まれるメッセージをお願い(いた)します。
========
どうなんでしょう? 
I think something like that is better, but hey...
It seems like yours has no point... Sorry to be so blunt ><:D
========
LOL, it is not an answering machine, is it?:o:(
Last edited by Gaijinian on Mon 07.25.2005 7:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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RE: I screwed up :-(

Postby Harisenbon » Mon 07.25.2005 8:43 pm

I'm very confused at the sudden appearance of an answering machine message. Am I missing something?
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RE: I screwed up :-(

Postby Gaijinian » Tue 07.26.2005 8:49 am

My mistake, I have got to learn to read the original post...
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RE: I screwed up :-(

Postby coco » Thu 08.04.2005 1:48 am

MenomaMinx wrote:
Worse than I thought :-(
Okay, what I actually meant:
Subject line = about my English, not understood possibly?
First sentence of e-mail = if that is the case, my Japanese let's try?
Second sentence = What do you think? {Of my idea}
Do reply, okay? {To what I said}


タイトルは、「私の英語は分からないだろうか」でも充分通じますよ。
penpal さんが喜ぶとは思いませんけど。

お書きになった英語を私なりに解釈すると、

1行目 「だったら、(今度から)私が日本語を使おうか?」
2行目 「(そのことを)どう思う?」
3行目 「 (私が言ったことに) 返事して。いい?(分かった?) 」
になるかもしれませんね。
英語で見ても、あまり丁寧な阜サを用いているとは思えませんでしたので、
お使いになった日本語は、ほぼ正しいのではないかと推測いたします。
(もし、私の勘違いであれば、失礼をお許し下さい)

通常ならば、以下のように書くのではないかと思います。

題名:少し難しかったですか?

1行目
「もし、英語でのやりとりがご負担になるようでしたら、
今度から私が日本語を書くようにしましょうか?」
2行目
「(私が日本語でメールを書くことについて)どう思いますか?
ご希望をお聞かせ下さい」
3行目
「もしよかったら、お時間のあるきとにでも、ご返信下さい」

口調を崩しても
1行目。
「もし、英語でやりとりするのが大変だったら、私が日本語を使おうか?」
2行目
「どう思う? 」
3行目
「もしよかったら、返信してね。(楽しみにしてるから)」

先方が英語を学びたいと考えているようであれば、
「私の英語が分からないのだろうか?」 という前に
簡単な英語で語りかけ、それに日本語を付記すれば
おふた方ともに、互いの国の言葉を学べるのではないかと思いますが
いかがでしょうか。

気長にどうぞ。;)
Last edited by coco on Thu 08.04.2005 1:54 am, edited 1 time in total.
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