Help me with a few sentences and correct the ones I already

[Nick The Imp]

OK. This is a short story for my Japanese class with just two characters and the monster. I want to keep the sentences very simple because I don't know very much (so no kanji please). This is what I have so far with what I want to say in English and questions in parentheses. Thanks for the help


1 むかしむかしあるところにとてもわすれっぽいさるがいました。

Once upon a time there was a very forgetful monkey.

2 こんにちは、サルさん。なぜあなたがかなしいんですか。

Good afternoon Saru-san. Why are you sad?

3 わたしのバックパックをわすれました。わたしはいつもわすれます。

I forgot my backpack. I always forget.

4 わすれないうちにそれをがきつけておきなさい。はい、いいアイデア。

Write it down before you forget it. Yes, that's a good idea.

5あしたキャンプをしましょう。はい。

Let's go camping tomorrow.　OK

6.　かれらははやしにこわいノイズをききました。あれはなんですか。

They heard scary noises in the forest. “What is that?”

7 ばけものだ！にげろ！

It's a monster! Run away!

8 サルさんはライトセーバーでばけものをやぶいました。

Saru-san defeated the monster with his lightsaber.

9

I'm glad that I brought my lightsaber. I remembered because I wrote a note.

10 いま、サルさんはぜんぜんわすれません。サルはいつもノートとペンをもちます。

Now Saru-san never forgets. He always has a notebook and a pen.

[Gan]

naze hiragana dake??

[flammable hippo]

naze hiragana dake??

ひらがななら読めるでしょうね。。。

[Nick The Imp]

Bump

Help please. I have to turn this in tomorrow. Any comments would help. It doesn't have to sound good just be grammatically correct. It's just Japanese One so...

[kevincole93]

Nick The Imp wrote:
5 (I don't know how to say “go camping”)

Let's go camping tomorrow.

Sorry to only answer one question...

キャンプ「きゃんぷ」を　しましょう。

In case you don't know Katakana, Write キャンプ in Romaji.

-Edit-
I'll note as well, There is probably a way to touch more on the idea of going off to camp.... Sorry I'm just not very advanced.


Also, I'd wait for another person to answer, I'm not best at Japanese by far here, but perhaps I got it right.

I Guess this is a little bit useless then. Sorry

[Nick The Imp]

Thanks Kevin I edited that in. Anyone know if ashita and ima are placed correctly in 5 and 10?

[kevincole93]

Nick The Imp wrote:
Thanks Kevin I edited that in. Anyone know if ashita and ima are placed correctly in 5 and 10?

あした　is. いま should go in the front of the sentence. If only I had looked before writing this, You probably have it placed correctly.

[Yudan Taiteki]

You need to find a simpler story. I don't feel comfortable doing half your assignment for you (by writing all the sentences you were asking about), and in any case, I have no idea what grammar and vocab you know.

[richvh]

This is your homework; fill in all the blanks (to the best of your ability) before showing them for correction.

わたしのバックパックをわすれました。わたしはいつもわすれます。

Adequate. I'd make it わたしのバックパックをわすれてしまいました。いつもわすれているようです。, I think. But that has grammar you probably haven't covered in class yet.

さるはいまいつもわすれません。(should ima come first?) さるはノートとペンをいつももちます。

いま、サルはぜんぜんわすれません。いつもノートとペンをもっているからです。
全然（ぜんぜん） is better to use than いつも in a negative sentence. The からです shows that the last sentence is an explanation.

[lalaith]

Nick The Imp wrote:
OK. This is a short story for my Japanese class with just two characters and the monster. I want to keep the sentences very simple because I don't know very much (so no kanji please). This is what I have so far with what I want to say in English and questions in parentheses. Thanks for the help

4

Why don't you just write things down. (or something like that). Yes, that's a good idea (or I will do that)

Ordinarily, I wouldn't help on this. I've had much less Japanese than you. (I've only had 8 lessons.) And this kind of feels like doing a lot of your assignment for you. (I mean, you didn't even post an attempt for a lot of those sentences. You just put what you wanted to say in English & asked for a translation.) But it's due tomorrow. So I'll give you #4 & maybe it will help with the rest.

それをかきとるだけでよい。
All you have to do is write it down.

りょうあん　is "good idea". So how about:
"はい。　りょうあんです。" or just "はい。　りょうあん。"

I found those by using on-line dictionary at
http://www.csse.monash.edu.au/~jwb/wwwjdic.html

I entered "write" and looked at the example sentences & "それをかきとるだけでよい" was one of them. Then I entered "idea" to get the りょうあん to pull up.

Try doing some looking around & maybe you can find some info that you can use.

"Lightsaber" is written in katakana, sounded out in Japanese syllables.

Good luck.

[flammable hippo]

Maybe the phrase いい考え （いいかんがえ） might be better for "good idea". It's more basic and literal, something that might better suit the OP.

Also to the OP, some of the grammar you've tried to use seems like stuff you wouldn't have learned yet in your class anyway ( 忘れっぽい、逃げろ、etc) so before learning those stick to what you know and try to build up your vocabulary and learn some kanji. If you want to be able to read, you're going to have to learn them eventually and putting it off will just make it harder for you in the end.

[Yudan Taiteki]

りょうあん is not a normal speech word (as far as I know; usually kango like that aren't); いいアイデア is much more idiomatic.

[Nick The Imp]

Thanks for the help. I will try to fill in the blank ones but #9 has me stumped. Also, did I write this correctly without the kanji?
忘れないうちにそれを書き付けておきなさい。

わすれないうちにそれをがきつけておきなさい。

I like your sig hippo

[lalaith]

Nick The Imp wrote:
Thanks for the help. I will try to fill in the blank ones but #9 has me stumped.

Okay, you're not quite getting it. I haven't been on this group very long, but I'm telling you: you have to make an attempt first. Then people will be more than happy to correct it. (It's even specifically mentioned in the "Read before you post" in the translation section.)

So for #9 if you wrote something even knowing it wasn't right (as I know darn well this is very incredibly wrong) it would show people that you tried:
ああ嬉しい。 わたしの　リツサエバ　を　持ち運んだ。　と言うのは　から　書き下した。
"How glad I am. I brought my lightsaber. Because I wrote it down."

You'd get corrections and suggestions on it.

BTW, I do think the story you came up with is imaginative and cute.

[Nick The Imp]

lalaith wrote:

Nick The Imp wrote:
Thanks for the help. I will try to fill in the blank ones but #9 has me stumped.

Okay, you're not quite getting it. I haven't been on this group very long, but I'm telling you: you have to make an attempt first. Then people will be more than happy to correct it. (It's even specifically mentioned in the "Read before you post" in the translation section.)

So for #9 if you wrote something even knowing it wasn't right (as I know darn well this is very incredibly wrong) it would show people that you tried:
ああ嬉しい。 わたしの　リツサエバ　を　持ち運んだ。　と言うのは　から　書き下した。
"How glad I am. I brought my lightsaber. Because I wrote it down."

You'd get corrections and suggestions on it.

BTW, I do think the story you came up with is imaginative and cute.

Really? I'm glad you like it. I am so bad at making stories it took me forever just to come up with forgetful monkey.

oh btw here is the picture I am using for the monster.